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21 Tips

by De La Soul

I'm turning 21 this year, so I thought it would be appropriate to give you guys 21 good tips on life and women.

1. Being genuinely WARM will get you connections. By being nice to everyone (unless they disrespect you), interested in other people, and by having a happy disposition, you will attract people like moths to a flame.

2. Stay HEALTHY. Work out. Seek advice from a professional first, and then hit the weights. Eat right. Everything in moderation, lots of fruits, lots of vegetables, and if you're trying to lose or gain weight see a nutritionist.

3. What's the key to HUMOR? It's simple: don't take yourself too seriously. Forget the canned jokes, just try to see the lighter side of things and laugh at yourself occasionally. Often it's not what we say that's funny, but it's the way we say it. Keep that in mind.

4. Use LOGIC when arguing. Never resort to arguing by volume and never resort to arguing with your fists. If you can't make a logical argument, it's almost definite that you don't know what you're talking about and you're wrong -- no big deal, just admit it. Often women will start arguments just to stir you up, or to test your strength.

5. As soon as you stop being CALM, you have lost the argument. Stay cool at all times; if a woman sees that she's annoying you, she'll feel that she's won.

6. Never let a woman become your life. Never "fall in LOVE" with a woman you barely even know. So you're sister's best friend's cousin is cute, so what? So you're dreaming about that McDonald's checkout chick. Wake up!

Have you been on a date with her? Have you kissed her? Have you slept with her frequently? Have you had great sex with her frequently? Have you been with her when she wakes up in the morning? Have you been with her when she's sick? I didn't think so.

Don't commit yourself to that one woman until you can answer "yes" to all of the above questions, and still like her. And don't even daydream about that one girl until you've at least been out on a date.

7. SMILE more often. Better yet, smile more often at girls, and look them straight in the eye.

8. Be FIRM. It's no big secret that women want a man with a backbone. If you want to have any chance with any given woman, you have to be bigger, better and stronger than her. You have to be able to dominate in any situation. Women want to be able to feel as if they can become helpless little girls around firm, dominant men.

9. Every second, all over the world there's a DESPERATE guy getting used by some attention-seeking bitch. Women can sense desperation like a shark senses blood. If they sniff it out on you, they'll either run for the hills, or use you in some way -- you may become their personal servant, their social proof, or their Mr-Listen-to-me-talk-about-myself-until-your-ears-bleed-but-you-won't-get-any.

To avoid being one of these poor desperate guys, fill your life with hobbies, sports, friends, social events, and...

10. GOALS are essential. Your goals are what drive you in life -- they are what motivate you. My suggestion is to write down a list of everything you want to do in your life, and try to knock off a few of these things every year. Some examples of things you might want to do are: get a hole-in-one, see Manchester United play, meet the president, become the president, play for Manchester United, go scuba diving, and the list goes on.

What's great about goals is that you get great side-effects. For example if one of your goals is to get a hole-in-one, you'll have to practice your golf a lot, consequently, you'll become a better player.

11. The cornerstone of success with women is ACTION. A man of action is a hot commodity. These days most men are so feminized that they feel more comfortable reacting to a female's flirting for two hours and then walking away without getting a number, than striding up to a woman, initiating a brief conversation, and then getting her digits.

As the man, you should feel comfortable initiating everything. That's just the way it is, men must initiate. If you waste all your energy looking for signs of interest, or some sort of "thumbs up" from the woman, you'll have none left to enjoy yourself. Stop thinking. Start acting.

12. Every day, do something that SCARES you. This really helps your confidence.

13. TEASE girls. In order to show that you don't idolize her, or think of her as a goddess, you playfully tease her. Laugh at her. I'm not talking about brutally exposing her insecurities and drawing attention to them, I'm just talking about saying the sort of things that would make a girl playfully punch you. Just play with them, but never say you're sorry.

14. Stop CARING about what others might think. The people who are most successful all across the world are those who don't give a damn about what others think, they do what makes them happy. The least successful and most regretful people are those who spend all their time worrying about whether they are doing the right thing in the eyes of everyone else. Stop seeking other peoples' approval.

15. Be DIRECT. Don't pussy-foot around. Don't walk on eggshells. If someone pisses you off, you tell him or her that they're pissing you off and why. You'll get a lot more respect than if you go around bitching about them behind their back.

16. TAKE what you want. If you want something, it's your job to get it!

17. REGRET is painful and a waste of time. If you make a mistake, you should make sure that you know exactly what you've done wrong, and how you can improve. Never spend time worrying about "what if" or filling your head with regrets.

18. Learn to CHAT. In other words, learn how to make small talk. You must be enthusiastic, interested in the other person, and say more than just "yeah" or "nah" or nodding and laughing.

For example, if someone in a music store says to you (while you're paying for a CD) "So, you like the guys, huh?" Don't just say, "Yeah, they're cool." Say something like, "Yeah, I love the drumming patterns and I've heard this CD is much better than their last. What did you think of they're last one?"

19. Stop worrying about her BODY LANGUAGE, and focus on your own. A woman's body language means about as much as her star sign in my opinion. Unless she's thrusting her boobs in your face and rubbing your crotch, forget about trying to work out what her body language means. Instead, make sure that your own body language is positive and inviting.

20. Never avoid being SEXUAL. Touch her when you're out on a date! For god's sake touch her! If you're feeling like you won't be coming on too strong, touch her before the date. Make sure you make solid eye contact with her, and don't be afraid to talk about sexual things.

Even more important than acting sexual, is giving off the sexual vibe -- one of the best ways to do this is to (while talking to her) imagine the two of you having sex, then create an image in your mind of her thinking the same thing at the same time. I've successfully field-tested this and it seriously helped me to be more sexual. Why? Because I suddenly felt confident that my sexuality wouldn't scare her off. I touched her confidently and I held great eye contact. I've got a date with her on Thursday night.

21. Have FUN. The most important thing in life is to have fun. A life, which you don't enjoy, is completely wasted. If you're dating a girl who you're not having fun with, cut her off. If you're at a party and you're not having fun, chances are you won't be getting laid after dark. Make fun your goal.

Make approaching women fun for yourself (don't give a damn about whether she's feeling) because a fun person is the most attractive type of person in the world. Fun is the single thing that will transform you from a boring, average guy, to the prize that everyone genuinely wants to win.