How to Deal with Incredibly Beautiful Women
Perhaps you've heard of The Perfect 10.
A woman so stunningly beautiful that guys literally throw themselves at her feet. A woman so amazing, so breath-taking, that she can have any man she wants, any time she wants... and she knows it.
She lives in her own special little world, a world most of us can't even imagine -- everything is good there, everything is easy. She gets anything she wants. She rarely has to pay for anything because people are always giving her things, buying her things, bringing her presents. She gets special treatment in restaurants, bars, stores, and every other place she goes.
Everyone loves her. Every guy wants her. And every girl wants to be her.
After all, she is The Perfect 10.
Well, my fellow Don Juans, let me assure you that despite what you may have read or heard, there's no such thing as The Perfect 10. She does not exist. Not one woman on this huge planet of ours even comes close to our image of The Perfect 10.
Yet the myth of the enchanting, irresistible Perfect 10 is extremely common among men, especially younger men.
"This Perfect 10 walked into the bar and every head in the place turned."
"You have to use a different strategy when approaching an incredibly beautiful woman, because she's used to guys throwing themselves at her and doing whatever she wants."
"She rarely gets approached by guys because they're intimidated by her beauty."
"Don't even bother pursuing a 10 unless you've got a lot going for you (money, fame, looks). You'll get shot down, or used and abused."
I hear these "Perfect 10" comments all the time. I read them on discussion forums. I get email questions about "how to deal with incredibly beautiful women." And I even read comments about 10s by relationship "experts."
Let me repeat to you: There's no such thing as The Perfect 10 !!
In fact, you would be hard-pressed to find a lady, any lady in this huge world of ours, who qualifies as an Almost Perfect 9.
But, I hear you thinking, "They DO exist. I see them all the time. In fact, I saw a Perfect 10 earlier today."
True. You DO see 9s and 10s frequently. So do I. But the thing you have to remember is that one's perception of physical beauty is completely subjective. It varies quite a bit from person to person. There are no objective standards for female beauty that every guy subscribes to.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
And I'm not just talking about different cultures here. (You probably know that in some cultures, the fatter a lady is, the more beautiful she is perceived to be.)
Yet, the myth of The Perfect 10 - that absolutely stunning woman that no man can resist - is very prevalent these days. False, but prevalent.
Where does this myth originate? Why do we believe in Perfect 10s?
The unfortunate fact is that everyone tends to view the world in a very egocentric fashion. We believe that what we see, others also see. We believe that what we perceive as attractive, beautiful, and stunning, others also perceive the same way. We believe, quite incorrectly, that the women who take our breath away, also take the breath of every other guy on the planet.
It's a ridiculous belief. An unfounded myth. And it's rather easy to shatter.
Do an experiment. Take 4 or 5 of your buds out to a nice crowded bar, one that's always packed with beautiful women. Find yourselves a table and try to find ONE lady in the entire bar that everyone agrees is A Perfect 10. One lady that everyone agrees is absolutely stunning.
You'll fail miserably. In fact, I doubt you'll be able to find a lady in the entire bar that even half your buddies think is a 10. You probably won't even be able to find a lady that everyone agrees is an 8 or 9.
Invariably when you or one of your buds picks out a lady and declares triumphantly for all to hear that she is absolutely perfect - and then waits for all to agree - someone in the group will respond, "No way. You've got to be kidding. She's okay I guess, but I'd give her about a 6."
You will be amazed, no stunned, at the women your buddies feel are Perfect, and they'll be equally stunned at you. Your, their, and our perceptions of beauty are just too subjective, too skewed by our past experiences and interactions, for everyone, or even a large percentage of guys, to even come close to agreeing.
Or try the experiment with Hollywood stars. Do you think Pamela Andersen is a 10? On my particular scale of physical beauty, she's about an 8. How about Cindy Crawford? Is she your dream woman? I'd give her a 7. Carmen Electra? She's about a 6.5 in my book. Jennifer Lopez? Maybe an 8.
In fact, if you and I were sitting in a bar together and your dream woman - a Sarah Michelle Geller lookalike - walked in, you wouldn't have much competition from me. In fact, you wouldn't have any competition from me. I'd be too busy checking out the shorter, curvier, brunette over by the bar.
Do you like the tall, thin, professional-model type? I'm not attracted to them at all, and they'd certainly get no special treatment from me. In my own special little world they're just ordinary women and would be treated as ordinary women. And I certainly wouldn't fall all over myself trying to impress them.
Now I'm not saying that all women are equal in physical beauty. I'm not saying that at all. While Pamela, Cindy, and the rest, are not, in my opinion, even close to being perfect, I would agree that they are "above average" in attractiveness. And they probably, overall, receive better treatment in our world.
Research clearly demonstrates that the physically attractive do have advantages in our society. They are attributed a whole host of positive personality characteristics simply on the basis of how they look. And they are treated a little better in specific situations. So no, every woman is not equally attractive.
I'm also not saying that there aren't a few women running around (more than a few actually) who have an over-inflated sense of their own self-importance... and maybe even a few delusional ladies who think that they actually are Perfect 10s. Heck, there are some butt-ugly guys running around who think that they're pretty hot stuff too.
Now with these particular women - these women who see themselves as being above you, or who feel that you should be knocking yourself out trying to impress them - with these women you may need a modified strategy. You may need to knock them off their little pedestals. And there are a number of simple techniques for accomplishing this... if you choose to pursue such a "lady."
But the important thing to remember is that you base your strategy on the situation and, specifically, her ATTITUDE, and not on how attractive you perceive her to be. Just because YOU think she's a Perfect 10 does not necessarily mean that she has an over-inflated ego and needs to be taken down a few notches. (If she's not on a self-imposed pedestal, and you try to knock it out from under her, you just wind up kicking her in the shin -- oh how poetical I am sometimes.)
As mentioned, I frequently see comments on "dealing with extremely beautiful women" and read articles written by experts on The Perfect 10. Sometimes they suggest a "special strategy" for dealing with a 10 (see above). And, even more ridiculous, sometimes they just flat out state that you shouldn't even bother pursuing The Perfect 10 unless you have something exceptional to offer.
How bout a ridiculous example to clarify.
Mark is extremely attracted to Karen. She's a Perfect 10 in his little world, and he desperately wants to get to know her better. However, having recently read an article on Perfect 10s written by an expert, he knows he doesn't have much of a chance. After all, every guy wants a girl like her - The Perfect 10. And he's really no one special.
He concludes that Karen is out of his league and he needs to be a little more realistic. So he decides to go after Laura instead. She's pretty cute, and nice - about a 7 or 8 in his book. Probably about right for him he thinks. And even though he finds himself fairly happy with Laura, in the back of his mind, he'll always wish he had had more to offer, so that he would stand a chance with Karen.
Then there's Steve. He's been in love with Laura for 6 months. She's absolutely perfect to him. But he's sooo intimidated by her beauty. He also realizes that, seeing as how she's the most perfect female he's ever seen, every guy she meets wants her. He has no chance. He too read that article about Perfect 10s and realizes that he, being just an ordinary guy, doesn't have much of a chance with her. So he goes after someone more "in his league" - Karen.
So Mark's dating Laura because he feels Karen is out of his league. And Steve's dating Karen because he doesn't feel he has enough to offer a 10 like Laura. And neither is really happy.
How ridiculous! A ridiculous situation caused by ridiculous thinking.
Of course, I'm not really telling you anything here that you don't already know. I believe that you already know that beauty is completely subjective and can vary tremendously from guy to guy.
The problem is that you tend to "forget" this fact, or fail to use it to your advantage, as soon as your version of a "Ms. Perfect" appears.
You get intimidated. You get extremely nervous. Being an ordinary guy, you start feeling unworthy, like you don't really have anything to offer such a Goddess. You start thinking that she is so perfect that every guy in the place MUST want her. Rather than being "happy" about the opportunity to meet your Perfect 10, you begin to feel bad because you don't think you measure up or have what it takes to actually attract and keep such a lady.
The myth of The Perfect 10, and your belief in this myth, is handicapping you and limiting your social effectiveness. However, if you remember that the perception of a woman's physical beauty is completely subjective, and one guy's 10 is invariably another guy's 6, you will have a distinct advantage in dealing with women.
1) You will approach and pursue the women you really want. You won't feel the need to limit yourself to the ones that are "in your league."
2) You will display more confidence. You won't be as nervous when dealing with your 10. You will understand that she is NOT every guy's version of a 10, and you will feel less pressure as you're not in competition with every other guy on the planet.
3) You will be able to focus on the fact that it's your job to evaluate her, to see if she's good enough for you, not the other way around. You will stand up for yourself, demand respect, and clearly communicate the fact that YOU are special and she should be trying to impress you.
4) You will actually be happier when with your Perfect 10. It seems to be more satisfying to find someone who is perfect for us, than it is to find someone who is just flat-out perfect.
So, my fellow Don Juans, pursue your dream women. Pursue them with passion, confidence, knowledge, and style.
And who knows. This world's wacky enough that you just might wind up being her version of "The Perfect 10."
Copyright © 2001
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