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Why You Should Challenge Her

by Woogy Bear

You've heard it before: "We want what we can't have" and "We want what we have to work for." A lot of girls won't even think about having sex with a guy until they realize it will be a challenge for them. Sometimes they realize this within the first 3 minutes of meeting you. Sometimes in the first 10 seconds. And sometimes it never happens.

Your job is to make sure that it happens right away, as soon as possible, but without being obvious. It's not about tricking the women you're interested in, but about creating a moment, a feeling, a spark, and making it feel like it just... happened.

So how does she just happen to think that you will be a challenge?

Don't give her any leeway. Introduce yourself, be polite, but don't buy her a drink. Ask her to buy you a drink instead. If she does, you know that she has just found a challenge that she's willing to work for. Talk with her, ask her questions, but be tactfully vague when you answer any questions she has about you. Play with her by making her ask at least twice about some things. For example...

Her: "So where do you work?"

You: "I could tell you... but I'd have to kill you." (sarcastically, maybe with a wink)

If she laughs, great. She'll ask again. You can keep playing with her, or you can tell her the second time. It's up to you. Just don't get too corny for too long unless she seems to like that kind of humor.

Keep challenging her, always. Even in the bedroom. If she wants you to do something for her, be coy with her and say, "Oh yeah? I might do that for you. What's it worth to you?" with a sly but comfortable smile.

You get the picture.

You should also be aware that if you are in a relationship with a girl, she needs you to continue being a challenge, to continue being playful, and to create tension. Whether she knows it consciously or not, she wants you to have an opinion about at least half of the things you discuss. And it's best if that opinion doesn't always agree with hers.

She wants someone she can relate to, but at the same time, she wants you to be your own person. If you always agree with her, if there's never any tension, she'll start to wonder if you ARE your own person, or if you're just a follower who doesn't really care about anything.

If you are saying to yourself, "Okay, I get it... but what should I have an opinion about? What are safe topics and what aren't?" then you are still in the wrong frame of mind.

Don't create an opinion about anything just because you feel it's necessary. Don't tell her you absolutely have to watch the game instead of that ice skating competition unless you really want to watch the game. Don't tell her you refuse to eat Chinese unless you really don't want it or you really want something specific, like Italian. Don't tell her she looks great... except for those shoes (that's just insulting) unless the shoes REALLY look ridiculous and you are prepared for (and willing to accept) the consequences.

My point is this: Have an opinion about things that actually matter to you, and let her know when it's appropriate. Stick by your opinions, and be stubborn about it. Challenge her. Even if she's mad that you're so stubborn, it's better than if you quickly change your mind to accommodate her. Challenge her.

One last thing. If she does get mad about one of your opinions, let her be mad. In fact, maybe you should get a little mad too. Not too much though, we don't want this to be a huge deal. You just want to fulfill one of her basic needs in the relationship: her need for tension. Push-pull.

Sometimes what you do gets her upset. When this happens, you need to be willing to fight with her a little bit. She needs that every now and then, and so do you. The last thing you want to do is get her upset and then act like you don't really care that she's upset. She needs you to fight back a little bit. Whether you like it or not, whether she likes it or not, it keeps the relationship interesting.

She'll never admit it and she may never even know it, but you're challenging her, and on some level, she's glad. So long as you and she are happy together at least 90% of the time, a fight every now and then is healthy. You are both different people. It's acceptable, and a reasonable girl will understand this too, so you don't need to worry about her breaking up with you over a small tiff.

...and if she does, you probably shouldn't keep her around anyway. But that's another topic for discussion.

Woogy Bear
groovinhard@gmail.com