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It's All About Charm

by Luis Rodrigues

Let me introduce you to my good friend David Burton. The man who is able to capture the attention of every person in a crowded room by the simple tone of his voice, his stance, and smile. David is the type of person who'll find any job he wants, get any woman he desires, and attract every successful person around him by exerting confidence, positive energy, and a successful image.

David is not the best looking guy. In fact, he's the guy that everyone asks, "What does she see in him?" But once they get to know David, they are quickly seduced, and captivated by his charisma. My curiosity got the best of me, so I asked David, "How do you do it? How can you captivate so many people?" David smiled very smoothly at me and said, "It's all about charm."

It's All About Charm

The art of attracting people (especially beautiful women) consists of 10% projection of success, 10% appearance, 10% intelligence, and 70% charm. David's comment is simple but true. In a study conducted by the University of Waterloo, 85% of the correspondents (both men and women) expressed that charm was the principle reason for their attraction to the opposite individual.

Some people are born with the gift of being naturally charming. But most people lack the skill or just never learned the proper techniques through social communication. This does not mean a person cannot learn how to be charming. All one needs, is to understand what people find charming and practice it over and over again, until it becomes naturally part of their personality.

Charm Practice

Charm is simply the art of letting someone know that you feel good about them, without embarrassing them or asking anything of them in return. And this is really attractive. The following checklist should help you accomplish your goals:

1) Charm has an ally in eye contact. Never forget to look into someone's eyes when speaking to them.

2) Charming someone includes complimenting them. What you should compliment is relatively easy to figure out, just figure out what would it take to make you feel complimented, and do the same to others. The difference between charm and flattery is that flattery has an agenda. I'll flatter you so that you'll give me what I want. Charm is a way of being, rather than a tool to achieve something.

3) Charm has to be sincere. It is strongest when you believe what you're saying.

4) Charm is done pleasantly and lightly.

5) The secret to charm is to be selfless. You should not ask for anything, not even feedback.

6) Charm isn't sexual. It's just warmth.

7) Charm is exerting strong confidence.

8) Charm at its simplest just says, "You are terrific. Thank you for letting me bask in your glow."

For a person not to come off as rehearsed, one needs to practice. So where do you start? Any place. Practice on your mother, sister, dog, neighbor, dad, your boss, teacher, friends, the stranger on the street-corner. You will also be amazed at how charming people will be in return. Don't forget to smile. It makes you look alive.

In short, charm is like a butterfly's touch on a rose petal. The key is to not overdo it. Charm is fun and potentially a very profitable tool in interpersonal relationships. And it's crucial to dating. So practice and enjoy.


Luis Rodrigues is a writer in the dating section for AskMen.com. Luis is the in-house expert on dating. His extensive background in "Womenology" (as we like to call it), includes studies in Psychology, Sociology, and Anthropology. But, it is the lessons of life (and many relationships), that have made Luis an expert on women. You can email him at luis@askmen.com.