The All-Important First Impression
I have come to realize that aside from having a solid foundation of confidence and charm, one has to make very sure to make an outstanding first Impression. The first impression you make on a girl can have a major impact on the way she sees you from that point forward.
It seems that the first impression is like a "sample" of who you are. If your first impression (approach) is dull, predictable and boring. She will view you as such. If your approach is common, she will see you as just another guy wanting to get laid. If your approach is light-hearted, confident and funny, she will see you that way as well.
I know friends of mine who are very good-looking guys and are actually quite confident and fun to be around over all. But when they approach girls and establish that first impression, they often come across as being nervous and predictable. Something like:
"Oh, hi. Umm. I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. Do you think that I could have you number?"
They seem to think that once the girl gets to know them, and once they can get the girl on a date, that they can show these girls how confident and fun-loving they are. The sad part is, they never make it to the first date. Since the girls' initial impression of them was "dull, nervous, boring, predictable."
Obviously, we all know that first impressions are lasting ones, and are very, VERY important in the dating game. So it would make sense to actually rehearse and practice, and fabricate a great, no make that an iron-clad approach.
It's said that in business, making a killing doesn't have anything to do with the product you are selling, but how well you present (advertise) the product. You can have a great product (personality, body, etc), but if you can't advertise it properly, you're dead wherever you go.
After a first impression has been made, the imagination immediately begins to fabricate and build upon this initial impression. If it's a good first impression, a good image of you will be created in her mind.
Now, to the most important part. What constitutes the ideal approach?
Well, first off, we want a clear vision of what kind of man we want our Mrs. Perfect to see us as. Ideally, we would want her to know we were confident, smart, funny, and ambitious. Right?
And we can't rely on the first date to show her how confident and fun we are if we don't get that first date. Therefore, we have to take all these great qualities and package them into a neat "sample package," called the first impression. Which will start a chain reaction of great thoughts and feelings of attraction towards us.
I have spent an appreciable amount of time pondering this very thing. I have asked myself over and over how and what type of approach I was going to make when I see an attractive girl.
Here is what I have so far:
Let's say I'm at the gym for example. When I see a girl I am interested in I will do the following:
I will ensure that my posture is intact. Head high, shoulders slightly back and in proper alignment. I will walk with grace and confidence.
It's a fact that there are over 750,000 non-verbal signs we give off, which tell other people about who we are! Therefore, it becomes very, very important that she sees this. Don't overdo it and walk around like a machoman or anything, but make sure your movements and gestures are very calm, coordinated and sound.
Mild eye contact. I will make some eye contact with "relaxed" eyes, not nervous, but calm, casual, brief eye contact (as I walk in her direction).
In a calm and light-hearted voice, I will say the following: "Hi, I'm James. I haven't seen you around here before. You must be new to this gym (school, store, whatever)." When done in a calm and casual manner, this shows confidence.
Let her answer.
"I guess this means I'm going to have to invite you out for coffee. And if you don't drink coffee, too bad. You can watch me drink coffee, while I get to know you better. Deal?" This would show even more confidence and a sense of humor.
So far up to this point, she now sees you as being a funny, light-hearted, non-desperate and confident guy. Let's see, what else could we add to this.
After she says "Sure, why not," (which is very probable, since we haven't come on too strong and we have displayed some very attractive qualities) we could then proceed to ask for her phone number.
"Cool, what's you number? I've gotta run, but I'll drop you a line when I get some free time. Okay?"
This is very effective since you're not saying "I wonder if I could have your number" which seems insecure and desperate. You're putting her in a position where she would have a hard time telling you no.
It also makes you look "busy and not-so-available." It shows her that you have a life and that she IS NOT the priority. She's going to have to work her a$$ off for that! Furthermore, you're ending the convo which shows her who's in control.
Plus there's another hidden gem; you're also being unpredictable and mysterious since you haven't yet given her a time when you're going to call, or if you're going to call. This makes her wonder about you and your degree of interest in her.
So what's the sum total of this brief dialog. In a nutshell, it has portrayed you as being:
- Fun and exiting
- In control
- Calm and collected
- Assertive, initiative, and in demand
I'll lay out the approach again for easy reading. Essentially the goal is to come up with the perfect approach and make a great first impression. And to do this by saying as little as possible, but making what you say COUNT.
"Hi, I'm James. I haven't seen you around here before. You must be new to this gym (school, store, whatever)."
Let her answer.
"I guess this means I'm going to have to invite you out for coffee. And if you don't drink coffee, too bad. You can watch me drink coffee, while I get to know you better. Deal?" Smile. This would show even more confidence and a sense of humor.
Her: "Sure, why not."
You: "Cool, what's your number. I've gotta run, but I'll drop you a line when I get some free time. K?"