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I'm Not Ken and She's Not Barbie…Thank God

by Scot McKay

Please tell me that you know better than to believe what the media tells you about what the opposite gender is attracted to. I mean, you don't believe all that drivel you are fed on a constant basis…do you?

Oh, I know. It's easy to get brainwashed by the exhortations to lose the weight, gain the bust size, re-grow the hair, get rid of the hair, etc., etc., etc. Somewhere along the line, some of us even started believing that women should have six-pack abs and tight biceps (as if men are attracted to masculine features).

Taller, blonder, leaner, lighter, darker, curvier, straighter, bigger, faster, more, more, more.

Last weekend Emily and I were in California, and decided to check out Beverly Hills. Well, 90210 lives up to its hype in every way. So much money, and so much frustration wrapped up in one (expensive) package. We saw one woman who literally had undergone so much plastic surgery that she was a shadow of who she was supposed to be.

And her insecurity was written all over her face. Here was a woman who had every resource in the world available to her, made use of them all, and was still categorically miserable.

The sad irony of all of this is that the vast majority of us don't even find the media's representation of "beauty" attractive…at least not when it comes to finding a mate. In fact, despite the steady message of perceived inadequacy we are all fed, I've happened upon an amazing realization: A surprising number of us (and maybe even you) tend to be particularly attracted to someone who is the opposite-gender version of who we are.

And here's a news flash: I'm not a Ken doll.

And guess what? I don't find "Barbie" sexually attractive in the least.

Let me tell you what I mean. Forget those "Miss America" types. Give me a petite little brunette drenched in "cuteness". I want cheeks I can pinch. Forget the long flowing "goldilocks" and give me that spunky, wispy short hair. Drop the plans for a "boob job" and keep it proportional.

And for heaven's sake, EAT something. I want someone I can hug. OK…pierce the belly button and I have to admit that rounds out a perfect female package. That and the manicure/pedicure combo. Bright pink, please. Oh yeah.

And in return, I will be the best man I know how to be, and will take care of myself in a manner that demonstrates self-respect. By doing so, I will deserve what I want.

And what I want isn't necessarily what the media is telling me I should want. But what an amazing feeling of freedom to be able to have the courage to find a mate who meets my own exacting specifications, rather than someone else's.

So guess what? The woman I described above had posters of Sean Astin on her wall when she was younger instead of Matt Dillon. Now she hosts podcasts with me. Go figure.


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Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book "Deserve What You Want", and hosts the popular podcast series "X & Y On The Fly". He may be reached at scot@xandycommunications.net or on the Web at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com or http://www.nottooshort.com