Using the Internet Personals to Meet Women
Okay, you've heard about the internet personals. You may have even browsed through a site or two and considered signing up and giving it the old college try. After all, they are jam-packed with women just dying to meet a charming, charismatic man such as yourself. Thousands join every week. Or so they say.
But just who are these mysterious internet women and what are they like? Are they as strange and normal as the media portray them to be. Or are they like real women?
I recently queried the readers of Don Juan about their experiences using the the internet personals. I was specifically interested in the advice of those who've figured out how to utilize the internet personals to meet vibrant, intelligent, and attractive women. This is what they had to say.
I've used the personals for about 18 months. At one time used Match.com & Matchmaker.com, and still use free sites like Love@aol. It's an amazing way to connect with all sorts of people, especially available women.
I'm 48 years old, single, financially and emotionally stable; a professional person who looks younger than my years. But two years ago I looked even better, but wasn't meeting females. Didn't know where or how...with the exception of a fun, singles Halloween party. We're too old to meet in bars. I figured smart attractive age-appropriate women were out there (with their cats & dogs) looking for educated sensitive men. But WHERE? I've met dozens online.
It took a little experience. And my interest in wordsmithing and responsiveness made it fun. The most successful connections for me came from women responding to my ad. I used Santa Cruz Boardwalk photo booth photos. Now they're doing that on Entertainment Tonight. Looked different. Left the sunglasses on. And fun headlines like "No Camping Required." Some of the women I met had placed profiles and were overwhelmed by responses. Too many to followup on. And posting a photo really is different for a woman. So they browse the photo ads and try to hook a guy. Somebody that stands out. Somehow.
The postmodern media usually portrays Net communications as scary or dangerous, like that lovely woman is really a fat guy or unattractive bitch. That's not my experience. I've probably met over a dozen women in person. Have not met anyone before seeing a photo. But photos only give you a small idea of the reality. And a few were bigger than I expected. Checked "A Few Pounds More" when they should've checked "Large." Other than that my correspondents were/are frank, revealing, playful and interesting.
People open up MORE than in person. Not everybody. But I've relished opening the email of almost every regular emailer. I like women and I like the process.
But it's a weird, unique deal. Having a first meeting in person after weeks or months of writing back & forth is unusual, strange. You might know that her father is dead and was an angry alcoholic, but didn't know she drove a VW. It turns familiarity on its head. I think it's fun.
I've tried the web personals a few times, including the present. Each time, I end up totally frustrated and ask myself why I bothered, considering it comes out the same each time. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over thinking the results will change?
When I have specified a preference for age, body type and location, I have invariably gotten a lot of replies from women who are too old, too large and too far away. And when I've gotten responses from women more qualified too many of them fit a familiar pattern: they keep asking for information on me, while sharing almost nothing about themselves. Eventually, they find something they're looking for--something they don't like--and that's the end of it.
The impression I have gotten from my experience is that there are generally three types of women who frequent the personals. They're either picky, negative or desperate. And it's no wonder they can't find anyone with those attitudes.
I've been doing on-line dating off and on for about 6 months now - I see it as a tool more than a cure-all for a lacking social life. See, I just love women. I mean, we all do, but I just love having one on my arm at all times. And when I go through the occasional dating slump and I am not meeting interesting people when I go out, I can sometimes meet interesting women on-line.
So in the 6 months I've done this, I probably went out with 6 women or so. And it was a mixed bag, but no more mixed than I have found in a club or someplace similar. There were a few one-night stands, a few that I saw for about a month or so, and a few that the chemistry just wasn't there. So why didn't any work out? Well, the ones that I saw for a month or two seemed OK at first, but seemed a little untrusting of men in general. I don't want to make a blanket statement, but it seems that from what I found, women who post personals online have recently been burned badly and are looking for a "non-player" type to restore their faith in men. These women seem to be on guard, meaning you have to take thing super slow. The two that I started to have relationships with both shyed away and said they weren't ready - again, I can't judge all like that, but that is the impression I get.
But I would still do it again - I do think that it can work and that women will accept it as more of a mainstream way of meeting people as time moves on. It is a little awkward when you call or meet for the first time, and I am by no means an expert, but I do have some tips to make it easier.
Post a lengthy description of yourself when you first reply. A friend of mine posted an ad and although she got a lot of responses, nearly all were one or two-line sentences that said something like "write me back". You have to IMPRESS women on-line much like you would when you pick them up, and with numerous guys responding, you have to stand out. I've heard from many women that I responded to who said they did because I was really descriptive and sounded very well-rounded. I mentioned what I liked doing, what I wanted from a relationship, what type of work I did, etc. And I was POSITIVE!!!
ALWAYS get a photo before meeting. Just because someone is slender, it DOES NOT mean they are hot. I ALWAYS ask for a photo before meeting someone - I tell them so I can put a name to a face. And I have a photo of myself scanned that I send first - what's fair is fair.
When I get a reply after my first e-mail, I always tell them how much I want to know about them so I ask non-threatening questions (favorite movie, what they wanted to be growing up, etc.) and encourage them to ask me questions as well. You have to make it seem that you are interested in getting to know them.
I will suggest talking on the phone after we have e-mailed for about 2 weeks. By then, a comfort level usually exists. And when I do suggest, I give them the option of calling me if they don't want a 'stranger' to get their number - make them feel safe.
If we hit it off when we talk, I try to pin down a meeting for the upcoming weekend right then and there. Some place in-between and "neutral", yet casual - a friendly place for dinner and drinks.
So there you have it. Like I said, I think you can meet women who want the same things that you do on-line, but as in any case, it is a mixed bag. You just need to be persistent.
I've been using the internet personals now for up to a year and I've actually been out with only 4 women. The reasons for this are several:
For one thing, the internet allows a "no risk" forum for meeting people meaning that it's completely anonymous if one wants it to be. I really believe that some people, both men and women, are living out some fantasies through their internet profiles. Let's face it, if you post a made up background and a set of exciting titles and positions in life you're gonna get people to respond to you out of sheer curiosity. But because of this, for all you know you could be talking to a 5 year old computer nerd who's making you believe that you've found the woman of your dreams. It's only later that you try to set up a date with that individual that they don't follow through and they most probably disappear.
But let's say that you have found someone you believe is real. You go out with them and you realize that not everything they said about themselves was accurate - they inflated their accomplishments or you really don't find them as attractive as their photo attachment suggested.
Through my own experience I've found that the longer you talk with them before you actually set up a date the more you'll smell out any false statements they made in the early stages of communication. Take your time with your replies. A woman will give herself away eventually if she's not the real thing - little flags will pop up that alert you to something that just doesn't sound right. And when you do trust your instincts you'll be saving yourself time and perhaps an expensive date with someone who isn't right for you.
Another thing to avoid is sending your photo too soon without the woman returning one to you. If she should ask you for a photo and she's unwilling to send one of herself then she's just "Prince Shopping" and run, don't walk away from this one. You'll probably never hear from her again anyway unless you look like Brad Pitt, and I'm sure most of us don't fall into that category.
If she should suggest the most expensive place to meet for the first date hit delete as fast as humanly possible on her reply. She's only in it to use you. The best first date with any woman would be for a simple after work drink or lunch in a public place where you both can feel comfortable. Except for what you've both learned about each other from your posts it's basically a blind date and you should make the first meeting quaint, non-threatening, and easy on the wallet. You'll know pretty quick if another date will follow.
I have had considerable success using Internet personals. The key to writing ads that get replies is to capture the imagination. Most guys say something like "I am 24, bored, god only losers write classifieds, I don't know why I am doing this... I am looking for a women for sex" WRONG!! Do not do that it does not work in real life and it will not work on the Internet.
Also, do not be afraid to put exactly what type of girl you are looking for and what type of relationship you want into the classified. Third, make sure that you update the classified everyday. Doing this allows your ad to stay at the top of the heap of classifieds that come in every day. Because many men are posting new classifieds, every day your ad will move farther and farther to the back of the pile. No one is going to take the time to wade through 600 classifieds. It would take hours.
When answering, corresponding with a new friend, or responding to ads women have placed, always save your responses in word. That way they can be called up and altered when answering later ads. My favorite activity is what I call fishing. Everyday new ads are posted I reply to those ads with one of several lengthy form responses, which I may alter. My favorite one, which gets lots of positive mail back, is a seductive story with her being the main character. The key is to arouse a response she desires. Do not write bluntly about sex. Dance around it. Show your randy side; if you just want a special friend. She will pick up on it.
Those are just some things that I do to make my Internet "cruising" successful. I have met three women virtually in my spare time when I was at home in my undies. One was a knock out 18 year old 1/2 Mexican. She was a college student and a cheerleader. I have had one bad experience early on when I did not get a good clear picture. Always Always Always get a clear picture. My current "special friend" is awesome; in fact, we will be going out again tonight ; )
Because I live in Hawaii and the majority of women are on the mainland meeting face to face is difficult, but because I travel a lot I have been able to meet many of them. I have compiled these opinions from my experiences: 1) The women never look like their pictures. Usually the pictures they post are several years old, heavy on the make-up and several pounds slimmer. 2) Most of them have major skeletons in their closet that don't come out right away. In my experience they have included: married women, women who are separated but not legally divorced, widows, those with children, anorexia, accents, funky religious beliefs, possessiveness, bad attitudes about relationships and general mental instabilities.
On the flip side, I have found out that women respond better when you include a picture with your ad; when you are honest about your career and life goals; when you call them and when you participate in conversation rather than just sending each other e-mail jokes.
The drawback with internet personals is that usually an emotional bond is formed before you actually meet and 9 times out of 10 meeting them in person becomes a disappointment. I prefer to meet women the old-fashioned way face-to-face and getting to know them gradually over the course of several dates versus reading about their entire life history in a couple of pages of e-mail.