Using the Internet Personals to Meet Women
I recently queried the readers of The Don Juan Newsletter about their experiences using the the internet personals. I was specifically interested in the advice of those who've figured out how to utilize the internet personals to meet vibrant, intelligent, and attractive women. This is what they had to say.
from a female...
My experiences with internet dating have been mostly disappointing. The guys lie a lot (age, looks, accomplishments, etc.), and they expect the woman to look like a trophy, even if they themselves are fat, ugly, bald, smelly, etc. And a lot of them have most of their social life over the internet instead of in person.
For me, the corker was a computer nerdly guy I met early in 1999; several times I told him to get lost, but one or the other of us would recontact the other one. I finally told him to get lost and not contact me again in October.
He never asked me out in advance for a date... he *always* waited until the last minute, even on a Saturday night. He never told me where he lived (beyond the city name) or invited me over, even though he had been to my place several times.
He was no prize himself physically... he wore glasses, he was fat, he had bad breath... yet he dropped hints that *I* should get contact lenses (my eyes are now too dry to wear them), I should exercise more, get a bicycle, I should do this, do that, etc.
He even suggested that I move closer to him... but it became obvious that I would just get ignored at closer range.
I could sense his interest waning somewhat, but he never came out and said anything. The way I figured out--for sure--what was going on was that, while we were still intermittently seeing each other, he placed *another* ad on Yahoo, gushing about what an exciting relationship some woman was going to have if she answered his ad that very day! Well, I guess it wasn't going to be me!
He persuaded me to download the ICQ program, and from then on almost never called me on the phone.
He finally stood me up on a Saturday, after having told me Friday night (by ICQ) that he would call me Saturday when he woke up, to make plans for Saturday night. Instead, he ran off with his buddies elsewhere, leaving an ICQ message that I found in the afternoon, hours after he was elsewhere.
Since ICQ was good enough for him to use to stand me up, I figured it was also good enough for me to tell him to get lost permanently, and I did.
He actually had the gall to accuse me of having taken an "irrational pill" that morning when I protested his treatment of me.
I only got an apology when I pointed out that it wasn't irrational of me to expect him to do something he said he was going to do.
When I finally got rid of him, I told him that he must have taken an asshole pill, because his head was wedged up there pretty tight, and he hadn't found an antidote yet.
I guess the moral of the story is that only women who look like Hollywood trophies deserve to be treated well?
I'm really sick of all the guys out there who insist on having a woman on their arms who looks like a movie star or a model, when they themselves are no prize.
I guess guys care nothing for the contents if the packaging isn't "good enough." Well, guess what, guys? Most of *you* aren't good enough for us!
from a female...
I just wanted to add, as a woman, I actually prefer when men state up front they're merely looking for a sex partner or a fantasy chase or a one night stand, so there are no surprises or false interpretations.
And I hate to say so, but poor English usage REALLY counts for some of us, and can possibly outweigh the best photograph . . . .
I have tried a few trillion times to meet girls using AOL. Here are some problems that I perceived from using them.
(1) - There is too much noise. There are about 500,000 personals on the AOL service and probably similar numbers on others. Also the AOL search can only hold 250 personals at a time. So what if your #251 and you are out of the mix? Plus, who has the patience to scroll through them carefully enough to read them? With all this volume, it's very easy for your personal ad to get passed over.
(2) There is too much distrust. I have chatted with a series of girls from the AOL personals and it's usually a big deal to get them to meet you. Most of them seem too afraid or are not willing to make the journey to meet you. There is too much fear that the person on either side of the line may be a psycho killer rapist. The person you meet may feel comfortable chatting with you on the phone but isn't willing to meet you in person.
(3) Most people have unrealistic expectations about what they will find on the personals. If you read some of these personals, the expectations some people have are ridiculous. I feel that many people on the personals set standards they can't live up to themselves. Why do people think such a perfect person is wandering around on AOL? Girls ask for 6'2'' athletic male who makes a $150,000/year salary and does this and this and this. Give me a break, a guy who has all these credentials doesn't need the personal ads.
(4) Most of the time it doesn't matter what you say on the personals anyway. It seems most girls check out your picture, and they use that as the basis whether or not they want to talk to you. My friend does well with the AOL personals and he has gotten some serious action because of them. Of course, my friend could probably be a model if he wanted to.
(5) What are the people on these services looking for? I don't know anyone who has ever found boyfriend or girlfriend material off of AOL, just some hookups. Some people just want to mess around. Some people just want to play games with you and cause you a lot of grief.
(6) I am sure that people lie on their personals. Some of the people on here look way too good to be true. I just don't see why these wonderful super human beings are sitting around on AOL. I have talked to a few girls over the personals and I have never met any of them in person. No one has been willing to meet me. I have been stood up a few times trying to meet girls from AOL. Most of the girls didn't respond to my emails. I have had slightly better luck by talking to them by Instant Messenger and sometimes they are willing to hear me out.
My advice to anyone is to just have fun with this. Don't take it too seriously. If you meet someone, then that's good. If you don't, well don't lose any sleep over it. If you are a good looking guy, you have a good chance of getting some action. I don't know if there is a chance for finding true romance, but just don't expect too much from these things.
My first personal was real serious and got three responses. The second one (this one) is a little sillier and got two responses. Also, you can try and meet girls from AOL, by doing a search with member profiles. Member profiles are not the same as personals. Sometimes girls mention their availability on this, so it might also be a good shot. Do a search and find people who meet your criteria and start talking to them by Instant Messenger or send them an email.
I'm in an sort off paradox situation, offline I'm not too good at picking up galz and dating. In the past I have done every possible mistake in the book and throw in a few of my own original ones too. Surprisingly, online I'm a Don Juan, picking them up by the dozen, getting them wild and expressing openly affection within a short rapid time. I have actually mastered the technique of getting them to chase me by humoring them and making them fall all over me online. I had two galz who flew in from different countries just to meet me and have constant fun and love affairs online.
Just to illustrate how "real" it was, one gal was living with her BF for 7 years, he was her only guy she was ever with and she was his only gal ever, 1st and only love 4 both of them. Bought already a house together, were thinking seriously of marriage. They were just a few days away from a planned vacation in the some dreamland resort island. She dropped it all just to come and visit, was risking everything for this one weekend of with me.
This is powerful stuff, amazing experiences, but I cannot achieve 1% of this excitement offline. I must stress I don't deceive them in any way online, I'm totally honest and up-front, what you see online is what you get offline, therefore I cant understand why?
One thing I have learnt from meeting galz from online, that you mustn't think you "know" her, coz of all the info you "know" about her. Offline you have to start all over again and not rely on the knowledge you know, coz knowing about a person is not the same as knowing a person. An additional point is that not everything discussed easily online can be so openly talked about face to face. It's not the same.
from a female...
I was a big, big Internet Chat addict, and, well, I met a lot of people through the net, which today are my friends. Most of my boyfriends, have some connection with the internet. I'd probably meet them off the net, and then, start chatting with them through it. Basically, it's a great way of meeting people, and, in my case, as I had already met the guys, I'd just start getting closer, becoming more of a friend, and learning more about their self. Just because you don't know what the reactions are going to be, it's so much easier to say what you really feel, and what you really want.
Virtual relationships aren't relationships! We just can't forget that!! So you might have this really "hot" talk with the guy you're interested in, but, it's not real, and doesn't mean a thing, unless, something happens when you are together, in reality. My relationships, lasted long, and, because we got to know a lot about each other, they were good. Of course, that at the end, most go bad, and... I guess it was our fault, but....
c�est la vie!!
I love the personals, and am good at it! It's like fishing. You never know what will be on your screen when you check the email. To me this eliminates the guessing, and you don't have to put your head in your hand when you friends set you up with that blind date only to be disappointed. I have had my share on here too!
My first was Patty. We talked for three weeks, and decided to meet. She sent me a picture with her hands folded over the back of the couch. The face was nice, and we talked well. She agreed to drive up (3hrs). We own a motel. Well I was excited. When she got out of her car I just couldn't believe it. Long story short... I like pears as a fruit... Not in my woman. I put her up and had dinner, and told her the next day... uhuh.
A lot of good things were said in that forum. I tell my guy friends I could write a book on this...But every time is different. I was dating one not too long back, and they repo her car. I should have ended it there, but took her in because I felt sorry. Well guys whoever said things only get worse was right. I couldn't breathe.
I also agree that the picture should be clear and available. You can spend a lot of time wrapping yourself into this only to meet, and can't wait for it to end. AND IF YOU ANSWER AN AD, AND SHE REPLIES IN ONE PARAGRAPH... Move on. She's running a marathon or already has her hooks into a guy. I have emailed and I sent my picture right up front, and have logged on a month or two later to have them finally write back. Well we all know that she's just ended a relationship.
Oh ya, right on about it being casual. Last year I talked to a professional skater. At 5'9" all I could think about was kissing those legs. She talked me into meeting her at an expensive restaurant, and when we met... the body was a ten, and the face was a four. That set me back $100+. Meeting for coffee or a drink, or a light lunch is the way to go.
Hey, My best of luck fishing to all you internet studs. All aside; This can be interesting, and exciting!
from a female...
Count me as another female who is turned off by very poor English usage, grammar and spelling...
I can't figure out why, if a computer geek knows PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES well enough to type the commands exactly, so that the computer will do what he wants it to do...
Why they can't be bothered to have at least reasonably decent English usage. Some programmers take a perverse pride in misspelling words a certain way.
They think "goto" is one word even in the English language. They think "alot" is one word.
But the bad English usage that takes the cake is this: They bleat about finding a woman to "except" their love, when they really mean finding a woman to "accept" their love. They've just typed in a word which means almost the exact opposite of what they really want. DUH!
And yes, if a guy comes across as illiterate in a personals ad or in his letter to me, I cross him off my list. I don't care how much money he has, but I *do* care if he's intelligent and literate!
Just my further two cents.