Success Coach - Doc Love

Does Ashton Ever Have Trouble with Demi?

Hey Doc,

I read your articles off and on, and when I do, I always see how right you are about men and women. I've even bought your book and read it a couple of times, but can't quite memorize everything yet.

I'm 25 and have had two serous relationships so far, both of which ended badly. Recently I met Hillary at a bar when she was with a group of friends. She's 34, by the way, mature, career-minded and attractive. To make a long story short, we went dancing and Hillary was all over me. She invited me over to her beach house and we spent the next three days having what I would call a romantic time (we were in separate bedrooms, of course!). I happened to have some vacation days from my job at the time, by the way, so I was able to hang out with Hillary all that time.

After this wonderful interlude Hillary announced that she had to go to work. She's a sound engineer for concerts and many times has to work until three in the morning. We were supposed to have dinner the next night, and suddenly she called, told me that she got stuck at work and that our date was off. I played it cool, and went out with some other friends.

She was supposed to call me to make up our missed date but she didn't. Later that week I called her, but she seemed distant towards me. Doc, it seems like Hillary is losing interest in me all of a sudden, and I don't know what I did wrong. She was up for a good time and so was I. What the heck happened? (I did not detect the presence of a boyfriend, by the way.)

Doc, was this just a three-day fling for Hillary? I know that she thinks that a sense of humor is important in a man she's with, and that sometimes I wasn't quite in the mood to be funny, but it doesn't seem that something so trivial could be enough to wreck what started out as so promising.

The other thought that occurred to me was that since she's so much older than me, that she might want someone who is more mature. What's your take? Do older women really prefer younger guys or is that a myth propagated by the women's magazines? Granted, I'm not as far along in my career as she is, but at 25 how could I be?

Lavar - who thought he had it made

Hi Lavar,

I'm sure you read my articles "off and on," and when you're with a woman, you'll only be successful "off and on" because that's the way you treat this entire process – off and on. What's holding you back from memorizing everything in my book? By the way, when you tell me that your two earlier relationships ended badly, like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "What you really mean is that they dropped you."

When Hillary invited you over to her beach house, you should have said you were busy. You should have said you had somewhere else you had to be. Dude, you're supposed to see a girl for three or four hours and call her week later. So what did you do? You ran three whole days together in one shot! In other words, you took three or four months of dating and crammed them into three days with a complete stranger. Does this sound like a recipe for romantic success? Like the old cowboy saying goes, "That stuff only works in Hollywood movies."

Then you went and made a date on a date. What's wrong with you, Lavar? Are you sure you read any of my articles? You should have let a week go by and at least let Hillary wonder and fantasize about that great, fun time you and she had for three days on the beach. But like most men, you couldn't wait. You PRESSED. To you Psych majors, when you PRESS, you lose with women.

So Hillary called and broke your date. Very nice – now you've got your first broken date. Sounds like you're heading for your third bad relationship in a row, pal. Face it, Lavar, the way you're handling things, it's history already. Hillary's already looking for another beach buddy.

When Hillary dodged you, of course you played it cool and went out with some other friends. What else could you do? You had to suck it up, didn't you? What choice did you have?

Then she was supposed to call you and didn't. Now let me guess what you did – you showed Hillary how tough you were by not calling her back, right? Wrong! You were on that phone faster than it took for Michael Jackson's latest album to bomb. What a surprise! So now you're going to do a little begging, right? Great! Hillary seemed distant towards you? Wow, that's inconsistent!

What did you do wrong here, Lavar? You spent three straight days with a stranger off the street, that's what you did wrong. If you had six months in with Hillary, and then spent three days with her, everything would be different. But like my cousin General Love says, "Soldier, you didn't have a base of operations." And like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts adds, "You didn't need the presence of a boyfriend to hurt you, because you did enough damage all by yourself, bro!"

What happened to you Lavar, was that Hillary thought she enjoyed hanging out with you for three days, but at the end of the three days she came to realize that her Interest Level in you wasn't all that high. In fact, it wasn't even 51%. And so there was no reason for her to see you again. Which is why she doesn't want to. Makes sense, doesn't it? It's called the Reality Factor.

You better get your head straight, Lavar. First you tell me that a sense of humor is important, and then you tell me it's trivial. So which one is it? And this brings us to the core of your problem. You don't know which end is up here. This whole thing with Hillary was never anything solid. It seemed like it started out as a little something, but in reality it never was anything.

Guys, maturity is always second to Interest Level. You're off on a crazy tangent here with this older woman/younger man thing. If you did everything right, Hillary would still be seeing you even though she's nine years older. You never hear about Demi not returning Ashton's phone calls, do you? You didn't do enough things right during those three days you and Hillary spent together, and that's your problem. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "This whole age issue is much to do about nothing."

One thing about your career trajectory. Alexander the Great controlled half the world at your age. You're a little behind the eight ball, Lavar.

Remember, guys: to be successful with women, you have to spoon-feed yourself.

To hear my CALL-IN RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

Does Ashton Ever Have Trouble with Demi?

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