Success Coach - Doc Love
Does Leonardo Ever Go Out with a Bunch of Girls?
Hey Doc,
First off, I want to thank you for putting the "The System" together. I’ve totally bought into your techniques, but I’m having trouble implementing some of them because I’m very much a beginner.
Here’s my problem. I met the gorgeous Lucinda at a club recently. I made sure to keep the conversation light. When we were on the dance floor some casual touching by her occurred. At this point I thought her Interest Level was at least 51%. I made an excuse to leave at the peak of our interaction and asked for her number. She gave it to me and I left. At this point I thought I was doing pretty well.
I decided to text-message Lucinda a greeting the next evening. I know you say to wait a week, but I thought one text message would be okay since I didn’t actually phone her. A few days later Lucinda called and invited me out with a bunch of her friends. I accepted because the offer was incoming.
Doc, does being with Lucinda and three others count as a date? I met them and it all went okay. Lucinda and I talked, exchanged compliments, and laughed. She mentioned that she’d be clubbing with some other people on Saturday and again invited me. I went, but the night was definitely not as good as the first one. The conversation flattened out and Lucinda seemed to refrain from initiating contact. I’ve not heard from her since.
I’m at loss as to what to do next. I definitely feel like I was way too accessible to Lucinda, providing no Challenge, but it was difficult to refuse her invitations, especially when she was the one initiating them.
Doc, what do you think Lucinda’s Interest Level is now? Have I made a total mess of this? Is the situation salvageable, or should I flush her number? If Lucinda calls with another group invitation, should I accept, or politely refuse and counteroffer? If she doesn’t call me, should I call her? If so, how long should I wait?
I know this is a lot of questions, but I’m totally confused.
Wendell - who needs a ton of help
Hi Wendell,
You should be having a lot of trouble right now because you’re in the difficult early stages of changing a lot of old, bad habits, the kind that made your earlier dating life like Custer at the Little Bighorn. It’s going to take you anywhere from two to three months to a year to get the basics of my techniques down. But I’m here to help men, and I GUARANTEE that you’re going to get better with women – a lot better.
So right now what you have to do is two things. First, don’t take women personally, and second, have fun with the process.
Lucinda’s Interest Level could have been 51%, but don’t forget that Professional Daters -- women with Interest Levels of only 40%-49% -- are very devious. They’ll touch you, but what they’re really doing is feigning Interest Level. This slick maneuver will keep you happy while she’s figuring out how long she’s going to keep you hanging around for her amusement and free food.
Regarding your text message, it’s not the vehicle that’s at fault. I want you to disappear. To be incognito. No communication. You left the country – that’s what I’d like to see. I want Lucinda – or any fox – wondering about and pondering on this fascinating guy she met, and when you text message or e-mail or phone, you destroy all of that enticing mystery. To you Psych majors, BEING IN HER FACE KILLS CHALLENGE.
When I tell you not to communicate with this girl, you then fall into the pit of rationalizing. Why? Easiest answer in the world -- because she’s gorgeous. And that’s what 90% of men do. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "If she’s worth looking at twice, you saps cave right in." But this girl’s different, you tell yourself. In real life you’re only going to be part of her history class.
Wendell, you accepted the date with Lucinda, but you should have realized that you were also going out with 19 of her girlfriends. How are you going to raise her Interest Level when she’s preoccupied with 19 other people? It doesn’t make any sense, buddy. Okay, it turned out that there were only three girlfriends, so you only had to entertain four people.
Does all this really count as a date? Sadly, yes, it counts as a date – a really bad, horrible date. And, Wendell, who cares that you got along with all of Lucinda’s friends? All we care about is Lucinda’s Interest Level. And it’s easier to raise it if you’re alone with her versus trying to sell her and her three girlfriends all together.
What do you mean you two "exchanged compliments?" It’s all right if she compliments you 50 times in one evening, but what the heck are you doing complimenting her? Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Dude, you got any idea how many times this chick has been told she looks just like Jessica Biel?" By the way, did she yawn when you told her how fantastic she looked?
When Lucinda invited you out a second time, it was another great opportunity for you to turn her down. That’s why I’m totally shocked that the second night wasn’t as good as the first. I can’t imagine why! You don’t think Lucinda got bored watching you chase after her every time she called your name, do you?
What you should do next is memorize my book. And, Wendell, please learn not to rationalize when your Interest Level is up in the heavens because the girl you’re dating belongs on the cover of Vogue.
There is one thing you hit it right on the head, though -- you provided no Challenge to Lucinda whatsoever. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "There’s hope in America yet! I can’t believe it!"
Of course that’s where things get really tough for a guy. You have to refuse the babe’s invitations. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, "When you have a hottie on your hands, you gotta grow some big cojones." It doesn’t make any difference that she was the initiator, guy. I don’t care if she was begging you to marry her right that minute. You’re not doing group dates. Because all that these group dates did to you was turn you into a hanger-on -- a Lucinda groupie.
Where’s Lucinda’s Interest Level? Somewhere between 0 and 2%. I’m telling you, Wendell, you couldn’t have done any worse. The odds of her coming back would be equivalent to you going for a walk in the park and being attacked by a cougar – that’s more likely to happen than hearing from this girl again.
If by some miracle she does call, you politely refuse and make a counteroffer. And no, you don’t call her -- which means you two will never talk again. If you do decide to call her, wait until two weeks before Armageddon.
To you Psych majors, when you meet a woman and do everything right, don’t immediately start rationalizing and doing everything wrong.
Remember, guys: the better-looking they are, the tougher it is.
To hear my CALL-IN RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
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