Nice Guys vs Jerks

What the men think:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20   21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30   31   32   33

Hi. I'm 34, male, athletic, generally confident, open-minded and looking for someone who likes to dress up one night and play in the mud the next. Here's my take on the situation. The Nice Guy and The Jerk also applies to the woman. Let's take a look.

There are three "categories." There's:
1) Nice Guy
2) Jerk
3) Good Guy

Nice Guy is like the following: "Being inoffensive, shy, boring, lacking self-confidence: almost always bad". It's never good. Although, at times, intended to be a good "label" by the gal, it has brutally negative connotations for Man. After a seemingly good date... assuming that's what he's on, the gal comments to her friend "He's a nice guy." Man hears this. An icy, chilly chill shoots up his spine. And he squints, semi-graciously accepting the well-intended compliment from his new friend. "Gee. Thanks."

The gal can also deliver the "tempered slam" (she can be good at this, being naturally indirect creatures: "Well, he's a nice guy" (with the takeaway being "Well, he's a nice guy, but that's not what I want.) Man's heart drops into his stomach. He's dead in the water. (Cue "Taps".)

Now, I don't know about the shy thing. Shy Guy can still have some backbone and be interesting. He requires the gal to be patient and take a little initiative with him to ask the questions/make the comments and take time with him. A lot to ask in an unnecessarily fast-paced, demanding, impatient, "I want it NOW!" American society. But it's not necessarily a bad thing. SG just needs to be considerate enough to make sure Woman doesn't end up having a conversation with herself! (If he's interested.) You'd probably be amazed of the relationship you can develop with that approach with Shy Guy (patience, asking the q's/comments, taking time). SG can be very loyal and dedicated if befriended in this manner. They're just different than Jerk's strong personality/self-confidence. A more highly evolved SG can be more secure in his being and independent and interesting. The less developed Shy Guy may simply not have anything to say, and could be insecure as a result (or there are other issues). Fun for the gal.

The Jerk is the...um...jerk. How profound you sarcastically sneer. Lemme 'splain, Lucy.

To sum it up he's just an inconsiderate asshole (gasp! forgive my limited lexicon. If you're upset, gimme a tongue lashing!). Or is he? Let's look a little deeper, shall we? Right this way...after you, gerl...

Jerk may find himself on more immature or insecure dates. Why? Because that's who he can relate to, he himself actually being immature. You can say he's more Id - self-centered - (if you're psychologically savvy...like I am...you'll have picked this up from your freshman level psych class in college.) But what does THIS mean? He has a general state of restlessness or unhappiness or...uh...something's just not right.

Now the less evolved Jerk is more asshole and has not learned the manipulation techniques of highly evolved Jerk. Both being immature, He has realized that he somehow gets the girl with his technique. But because he hasn't matured and evolved beyond this level, he cannot quite reach the fuller relationships that Good Guy enjoys. After all, he's only interested in sex, isn't he?

Jerk can easily get stuck in a rut making him a miserable bastard to friends, family, and the ladies.

And none of us can blame him. How can we? We ALL want and need sex.

I personally have a disdain for Jerk because I feel like I have evolved from ameba to a walking land-based, air-breathing Neanderthal. (I don't wanna give myself too much credit...after all...I'm just a dummy man.) Jerk doesn't see the aftermath of his reckless shenanigans. Or he does and doesn't care. Jerk's arrogance is sometimes translated by the ladies as self-confidence. Maybe this is why many gal's find herself frustrated, breaking off the relationship. Or according to some Freudians...she knows it won't last so she picks Jerk because she knows the sex is good and someone better will come in the future...hopefully in the near future.

Now on to Good Guy. GG's a dynamic individual. He's human. And he tries. He's probably been Nice Guy. He's probably been Jerk. Not always. I'd guess usually, though, he's been both or been close enough to see one or the other in action. GG's learned from his mistakes. And the more evolved Good Guy tends not to make the same mistake twice. Being "in tune" with people, he's grasped the notion that when you get hit over the head with a hammer, you don't want do that again (unless that's part of their...um..."festivities").

But what makes Good Guy Good Guy is that he's carefully blended the strengths of Nice Guy and Jerk and brings his own strengths to the party. He's considerate. He's self-confident, but not arrogant, walking into the room knowing who he is and he's happy with that. To hell with those who render shallow judgments. We can't be friends with everyone. (Do we really wanna be friends with "them"?) Hm. GG's got backbone to do what he wants in life. He's not arrogant because he's confident of his abilities. He knows his weaknesses and turns them into his strengths for the benefit of himself and those around him. He doesn't take to gain. He gives to gain and so Woman will gain, too. It's a win-win situation that he seeks. GG will not tolerate the wrong done to him or woman or friends. He's also very loving and very passionate. ;)

Hmmmmm...

But now what about the girls? There's more, you ask?? This three category theory applies to women in a similar yet slightly different manner, kinda stemming from guys' hypocritical double standard (does that double negative make it a positive? I think not. And I would guess you don't either.)

There are:
1) the Whore ( = Jerk)
2) the Madonna ( = Nice Guy)
3) the um...hm...haven't thought about this descriptor....let's call her Woman. (It's a well-rounded descriptor). ( = Good Guy)

There's a notion that some men suffer from the Madonna-Whore complex. I think Freud was the chump that brings this to our attention. In nutshell, the guy wants to have fun with Whore, but wants to marry Madonna who can be the mother of his children. Notice he doesn't want both in one package. Not good for the lady. What's a girl to do?

Be Whore. Have lots of fun. Never get married. Can get stuck in a rut like Jerk. And she, too, can be an asshole.

Be Madonna. Be well-respected. Nice to hang out with. She gets put up on the pedestal (sp?) by the guy, not to be touched too much. She's more to be admired than to be a participant. She's a great "mom." Which can be taken in the same context for a woman in which the guy is called, "Nice." The guy intends the label to be complimentary. Hm.

Be Woman. She's dynamic. And passionate and caring. Like Good Guy, she's got backbone. Guys trying to get away with nonsense walk away with a headache or worse yet (better for Woman)...single again. Good for her.

How can we really know if a man's Good Guy or gal's a Woman...unless we look? Well, the bottom line is that both do exactly that. And when the two hook up, LOOK OUT!!

What we tend to see in a Good Guy-Woman relationship is both being solid people and personalities elevating each other and their relationship beyond the two people they are...being much more than their sum. It's sexually satisfying. It's mentally gratifying. It's spiritually enriching. It's dynamic on all levels. It's a genuine high. And THAT...is real...good.

What the men think:  1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20   21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30   31   32   33

Go back to the index