Nice Guys vs Jerks

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My belief that women are attracted to jerks has validity. It's not because these guys are jerks that they attracted to though.

Jerks come across as being more dominant. And women love men who dominate (the caveman thing). It's the same thing when women are attracted to the tall, dark and handsome male. The gene thing.

Nice guys can learn from this though. I also believe that us nice guys can use the techniques that jerks use and still be nice.

1) Control the relationship -- Not being a jerk, but being in control. Show that you can make decisions without stumbling. When you make a decision, don't back track on it (even if it's wrong). If it's a bad decision, own up to it. Say, "Yes, I made a mistake, I accept responsibility, and I will not do that again. No excuses, but it was my decision". Women love men who are in control. When going out on a date, make the decision where and when to go -- YOU MAKE THE CHOICES! Do not be wishy-washy. If you act like a wimp, then women will feel unprotected. Be dominant.

2) Be well read. Act like you're on top of the world. No one can control you. You're in total control, of yourself and your date. I have a personal library of approx. 4,000 books.

3) Take a few lessons in Hand-to-Hand Combat. I'm not talking martial arts here. Get some training from an ex-Special Forces type (Navy SEALS, Army Green Beret, Marine Force Recon, Etc...). You will learn an offensive type of fighting system. Women will pick up on this and feel protected. And if you happen to come across someone that decides that they want to do harm to you or your date, you'll be able to handle it. (I've trained in martial arts since I was five years old and I've trained in Hand-to-Hand Combat in the Marines (1st Force Recon) and I tell you that nothing beats the latter.)

I hope these suggestions will help you to succeed with those women that only want jerks. You don't have to be a jerk to succeed with them. But you do have to control and be in control of every situation, when you're out with your date. 

First and foremost, I don't think the whole "nice guy vs. jerk" phenomenon is limited to women choosing men. From personal experience, I've selected women who have wavered between the "nice girl" and "female jerk" title. I personally believe that as one gets more savvy in understanding potential partners, they tend to attract either a better or lesser class of person. (I'm not sure *exactly* how to put this). 

In my own dating/relationship experience, I know that at low periods in my life, I've often "settled" for a certain type of woman. I firmly believe that if I have a healthy attitude about myself, I'll tend to attract "healthier" women. I think that for some women, it's easier to be attracted to a "jerk" simply because the expectations may be lower. (For example, a woman may expect rude behavior from a "jerk" and say, "Well, all men are like that.")

As far as saying that women would rather dig nice guys over jerks, there's something about that which smacks of playing the victim. Some "nice guys" often use that as a mask to conceal their inner jerk; some jerks use *that* to hide their inner nice guy. (Plus, I personally think that setting people into different camps...well, people are people. We're all individuals.) I've been through some crappy relationships and good relationships...and the crappy relationships have helped me learn how to avoid having crappier ones. If I were to blame it solely on being involved with "bitches" rather than "nice girls", I would be pilloried for having a very sexist/misogynistic attitude. People who complain about "nice guys finishing last" and that "jerks always win" are missing the point.

In my opinion, it's about being who *you* are. A lot of times, in establishing relationships, there can be subtle game playing. Doing it at one end, it's innocent flirtation, and comes from two people being themselves, and being genuine. From another end, if both people are "putting up fronts", it's manipulative and shady, and can end up in disaster. I think that as long as people try to be themselves, and not live up to any "labels", things will be OK.

If I had to live up to my "nice guy" label, I probably would have *never* gotten anywhere. I had to learn to appreciate who I was, warts and all. Every time I was myself, there were times when I got hurt, and times when I was rewarded. The rewards clearly outweigh the hurt.

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