Nice Guys vs Jerks

What the women think:   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I'm a 34 year old female, never married, no kids, looking for a good guy to love and have a fun, happy long-term relationship with. I'm exceptionally attractive, intelligent, athletic, and successful in my career - the woman all you guys are chasing. Also the one who sometimes spends Saturday night alone because no one has asked me out - you all think I already have a boyfriend so you won't come anywhere near me! Stumbled on your newsletter and subscribed to learn about men. You've got great stuff to read!

My 2 cents about the nice guys vs. jerk guys... until a woman is mature enough, really knows herself and is ready for a solid relationship, I believe she will gravitate towards the "bad boys." Those relationships don't last, which deep down is fine with her because she doesn't really want it to. However, when she grows up (as I now have) she changes her definition of what's interesting and attractive - the stability and predictability of a nice guy become magnetic. So guys, don't lament the departure of a woman who wants a bad boy. Wait for a woman who appreciates you. 

I think there's a way for men to be a little of both, which should help you land the girl you're after. Here's how it works for me. 

If a guy is TRULY a jerk - bad manners, cruel, etc. - I can't imagine any but the most messed-up women going for that. But there is certainly an intrigue to a guy who's a "part-time jerk" - and all that means is keeping a woman a little off balance. Be unpredictable. 

Don't turn into a puppy too soon. That is a major turn off to either sex. The real lure of a jerk is that they don't need you. They have a life. You may or may not be chosen. The real appeal here is that the pressure is off. This also works on men. (Hence the wild success of "The Rules").

Confidence is also a terrific turn on. Now you guys may be thinking: "How can I be confident when I'm not sure she likes me?" The secret is not in being confident about that, because that is an unknown at this point. What you want to be is confident in general about yourself... or at least act that way. The woman you want, no matter how she haunts your dreams, is not the last woman on earth. Act as if you know you could always get another. Treat the woman you want a little like a woman who you're not terribly interested in.

Too much too soon is also the kiss of death. Don't send flowers more than once early on, don't overwhelm her with gifts. It gives the impression of either desperation or that this is your routine and you use it on every woman you date. There's nothing like a little anticipation.

Also, don't attack her physically. Be cool and casual and throw in about half the affection you'd really like to show. You can always get more involved as time goes on, but it's hard to go back. Make HER want YOU. The day she initiates something, you'll know you've struck the right balance. Even if she says she likes a certain move of yours, don't do it so often that it becomes routine.

Another trick is to be very cool and macho in public but incredibly tender in private. It makes a woman feel special to feel that she's the only one who gets to see this side of you.

Don't think women don't like nice guys. There is an initial appeal to a jerk, but it doesn't last long. As long as you don't act desperate and have a little something going for you, believe me, a nice guy CAN finish first - and with the girl of his dreams.

What the women think:   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

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