Nice Guys vs Jerks

What the women think:   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I don't think that women are attracted to jerks, but they are attracted to men that illuminate power. Those type of men (powerful, strong and masculine) are sometimes jerks, which accounts for the confusion. The nice guy sometimes is not strong or powerful and that's what turns women off. So in essence, it's not the fact that they are nice, it's that they may be lacking other attractive qualities that out weigh the niceness. Ultimately, I love nice guys that illuminate strength and masculinity. There is no better combination.

I got the e-mail about the nice guys vs. jerks.  I'm totally for nice guys in a relationship, but when it comes to lusting or dreaming about a guy, it's usually the jerks, b/c most jerks have the nice bodies and have that something that's sexy about them.

I'm young and I have some great guy friends and they are thought by some girls to be jerks. I have found that these guys are extremely caring and are not jerks what so ever. You have to get know people, you can't just take first impressions and stick w/ them because that jerky guy might be the sweetest guy and will take care of his lady for the rest of their lives.

I don't have a particular taste in men. I think if they are interesting people and can make me laugh I want to get to know them. So as far as your good guys vs. bad guys it's whoever the woman prefers.  But if a guy is a jerk and he is older that means he hasn't matured much! And those immature guys will treat their ladies without any respect.  And these ladies will need someone to take care of them after getting themselves away from such a horrible relationship.  So guys have to be willing to open their hearts and minds and be flexible or else you'll never be able to hold the woman you always dreamed of! 

So guys, don't wonder why we choose different types of men.  We mature and figure out who we want to date and who we will date.  You guys just have to be open-minded and deal w/ the fact that not all women go for the good guys and not all guys are good guys and not all jerky guys are bad-to-the-bone and not all good guys treat their ladies w/ the respect they deserve! 

I just found your newsletter while surfing and couldn't resist a poll. I noted that with regard to the "Nice Guys vs. Jerks" question, most of your readers think women are attracted to jerks more than nice guys. If you ever do an article on the subject, it seemed to me apropos to clarify the facts that lead to that perception, as a woman who has dated more than my share of jerks.

I recognized some time ago exactly what I was doing... I was looking for a specific "character," for lack of a better word. It's epitomized by Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club," or by Elvis Presley in "King Creole" for your readers who aren't up on the 80's John Hughes phenomenon. Essentially, they're "bad boys with heart." I've dated guys who are nice - JUST nice, and I get bored after about three dates. "Bad boys" are much more interesting, of course, although it's not a wish of women that these guys are REALLY bad. Misunderstood would be a better word. 

Check out the local oldies station for "Leader of the Pack" and you'll get the idea. A guy who's a troublemaker enough to be dangerous and daring and fun and keep life interesting, but who is a real sweetheart underneath. Hell, even when I was in 8th grade, I was much more infatuated with Jason Bateman's character on Silver Spoons (the best friend/next door neighbor who was always causing trouble to get attention from parents he thought didn't care) than Ricky Schroeder's... Ricky was so sweet he was saccharine.

The problem that I've run into, as I'm sure many women have, is that most of these "bad boys" don't seem to have the good hearts we seek. What you see is what you get. By the time you realize it, you may have been dating this jerk for a while. When you ditch him, it's "on with the search." For the same damned thing. This is where guys will get the idea that jerks get all the women. They see us in the process of the search. What they need to understand is that we're not looking for some nasty idiot; behind it all is the wish to find that guy who can be trouble to everyone else but nice to us. Just like Judd.

It's quite simple really... if a woman has a healthy approach towards life and herself, she will not get anywhere near a jerk! Women, and people in general, are only attracted to people who abuse them... abuse in any sense of the word whether it be emotional, mental, spiritual, physical... if they feel they deserve this type of treatment. Once someone realizes their own worth, they will not stand for any mistreatment!

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