Nice Guys vs Jerks

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Guys, guys, guys... you're all making this much too complicated. Here are the things that most (I say most, not all, because there are some genuinely disturbed people out there) women really want:

*Confidence - You've heard it before, and here it is again. Women not only want but NEED a man with confidence. Please keep in mind that 'confidence' doesn't mean arrogance or self-aggrandizement; just PLEASE don't abase yourself. And don't worry if you can't imagine working up to the point where you can honestly say, "I can go up to Claudia Schiffer and ask her out at any time," - personal confidence is much more important than situational confidence. 

*Strength - No, I don't mean that you have to be able to lift a VW Bug. Strength of character, strength of conviction, strength of thought, etc., are much more important than being an Adonis. And, please, no "whinging" (a combination of whining and cringing). Sniveling is pretty high up there on the list of turn-offs. One more note on this point: despite popular myth, most women really don't want to be your mother, so don't cry to your girlfriend like she is. It's good to show emotion, but we don't want to see you crying at a maxi-pad commercial. If nothing else, we want to feel that our man is tougher than we are. Really, that's all that we ask in that department. 

*Sincerity - PUH-LEEZE don't try to pretend to be something or someone that you're not (even if you're just pretending to be a nice guy). When we can see through your deception (and that's the majority of the time) it insults us, and when we can't we end up getting burned and bitter because of it. 

*Caring - Again, no crying at feminine hygiene commercials, but we really do like it if you listen to us. I know, I know - "But it makes my ears bleed to hear about my girlfriend's problems". Get over it. Just listen and show that her concerns are important to you, but - and this is important - don't try to fix her problems unless she asks you to. When women vent we're doing just that - venting. We have to get our problems aired out so that we can really look at them. Don't ask me why, it's a quirk of nature. Take it as a complement if a woman decides to air her problems to you, it shows that she trusts you. That's why we get so pissed-off when you don't listen - deep down that makes us feel that we can't really trust you. And last but certainly not least on the list of reasons why you should listen to us vent: we won't be nearly as bitchy. We don't nag because we're super-pissed-off that you didn't do some mundane thing, it's that the problems that we didn't have a chance to examine are eating us up, and we genuinely think that your not taking the trash out or your going out with you friends is the root of our rage. 

Those are the core values. The rest, of course, vary from woman to woman. For example, I personally prefer a man who is polite and even chivalrous (and this is not from some old crone pecking away at the keyboard - I'm barely 20) , but some women actually get offended if you hold the door open for them (they think that you think that they're weak or that you're being patronizing). That's their opinion, and I'm not going to down them for it.

That being said, there are some very important reasons why some women won't go for nice guys even if they're right in front of their noses, and they mostly relate to some prior break-down in the "core values": 

*They believe that a nice guy is too good to be true. This belief has come into being because at some point in their life they went to sleep with Dr. Jekyll and woke up with Mr. Hyde. The woman felt betrayed, and more importantly felt that her ability to gauge people was off. Because of that, some would rather take the jerk at face value than risk being hurt again. I know that it's not fair to the genuinely nice guys out in the world, but life's not fair. 

*The nice guys, lacking confidence in themselves, won't even approach a girl that they're interested in. We're not psychic (although I know that many times we unfairly ask ya'll to be) - we don't know about your interest if you don't tell us. 

*A man's hyped-up interest in us freaks us out. It shouldn't have to be this way, but it is. Our culture has gotten us to the point where we're paranoid of everyone that could conceivably do us any harm. If a guy really likes us and calls us immediately after he sees us, we're afraid that he's a potential stalker. This may seem far-out to some of you, but there are some sick people out there, and a lot of women have had experience with less than stable men. 

Any other reasons why a girl would pass up a nice guy are beyond me. Sometimes the chic's just messed up and feels that she doesn't deserve any better, or takes some sort of odd masochistic pleasure out of being the butt of someone's abuse. And trust me, if you're really a nice guy you don't want to get caught up in a relationship with that person even if she could be an underwear model. I certainly don't want you to - she might end up convincing you that you have to be a jerk to make it in the world. 

~*Life is too important to be taken seriously*~ 

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