How I Built Up My Confidence With Women... and Got Tons of Phone Numbers
When I first decided I needed to have more women in my life, I was in a real depression with no self-confidence.
I would go out and not be able to approach any women all night. This made things worse since I knew it was the first step to solving my female troubles.
It all came to a point when I built up some drunk confidence and approached a beautiful girl and said, "Hey, how you doing?" She responded, "Yeah, good. You?"
And I went completely blank. I had nothing to say so I had to bail by saying, "You're busy now aren't you?"
I laugh about it now, but it destroyed the little self-esteem I had.
I knew there had to be another way of building confidence in approaching women.
I was going overseas for a working holiday so I decided to get jobs that forced me to approach women constantly.
I started doing promotional work handing out flyers on the street, taking any opportunity I could to talk to women about what I was promoting. In the two weeks I was doing this job I got one number, which was great, but nothing came of it.
The next job I got was as a charity fundraiser working on some of the busiest streets in London. My job was to approach people on the street and get them to give a monthly donation to a charity. The amount of rejection I received was phenomenal. I would say hi and get completely ignored.
When I would finally get people to talk to me, I had to convince them that giving money was the right thing to do. To do this I had to truly BELIEVE that this was the right thing for them to do. People are very perceptive and can tell if you are false. Adopting this belief was the hardest part of the job.
From this job I learned to be indifferent to rejection and to be confident about my beliefs.
While I was working I got more numbers from women in a two week period than I had in my whole life, because of my increased confidence and enhanced communication skills.
When I was working I had PERMISSION to talk to anyone, and approach the most beautiful woman.
My whole point is that if you're still stuck at the first step of approaching women — and believe me, it is the first step — and you just can't do it without freezing with fear, find other ways to practice.
If you can't change jobs, work as a fundraiser for a charity in your spare time. You'll be helping other people and yourself. Find a way to put yourself out of your comfort zone to try new things and learn new skills.
The two biggest things I learned in my jobs were:
- to be in a POSITIVE FUN MOOD that people are drawn to
- and to realize that approaching people is about what you THINK you're ALLOWED to do.
If you approach a person acting like you're doing something you're not supposed to do, it's going to show and your intentions will appear to have false pretense.
If you approach someone with the attitude that you're doing something NORMAL that you do all the time, you appear on the level and they will respond well to you.