A Critical Mistake When Approaching Women
Let me ask you something...
When you approach or start talking to a woman that you're "interested" in, what is your attitude toward her? How do you treat her? What are you THINKING ABOUT?
Do you start the interaction by trying to figure out if she's single?
Do you assume that she probably has a boyfriend and look for hints that she doesn't?
Do you try to pretend like you're not interested in her "in that way" and instead try to be casual about it until you get signals from her?
Do you even THINK about your strategy for how to talk to woman at all?
Most Guys Are Unaware of What They're Doing
Most of us guys are running around doing things that we're not even AWARE OF. Or if we are aware of what we're DOING, we're NOT aware of what OTHER people (particularly women) think of our behaviors.
Also, most of us guys allow others to control MOST or even ALL of how we act. Now, we won't ADMIT that we try to do or say whatever we think will please a woman, and we won't ADMIT that we're even mentally anticipating what she's going to think and acting on it... but it's happening.
And it's happening ALL THE TIME.
In fact, if most of us could just get a realistic look at how much we're trying to read women's minds and act in a way that pleases women, we'd BITCH-SLAP ourselves silly and we'd mentally yell to ourselves "HEY, WAKE UP!".
Think about the following scenario:
You're out at a bar, and you start talking to an attractive young woman while trying to order a drink. And let's even say that she starts the conversation by commenting on how busy it is and how many people are in line for a drink.
You're thinking to yourself
"I wonder if she has a boyfriend... I wonder if she's here with someone... I wonder how old she is and if she'd like a guy my age... I wonder if I should buy her a drink so she'll feel obligated to talk to me and I can keep her attention... I wonder if I should just wait and talk to her later..."
Then, you remember that you've been reading my articles and my eBook... and learning from my Advanced Dating Techniques Series... and you decide to use some of your new techniques.
So you say
"Hey, do me a favor. I'll let you go in front of me if you order my drink for me. All the bartenders are guys, and they'll give you more attention than they'll give me, OK? I don't usually use women just for their bodies this early on in the relationship, but in this case I'm going to make an exception".
You think you're on a roll.
You then say
"But I'm not going to let you pay for it, OK? I don't want you thinking that I'm easy and that I'll give you my number or come home with you just because you paid for my drink".
At this point, she turns around and gives you the "You're a loser" look, and walks away.
Now let's think for a moment about what could be going on here...
- She might be married.
- She might be in a bad mood.
- She might be a lesbian (not all that bad, actually).
- She might be offended.
- She might be emotionally unstable.
- She might have mis-heard what you said.
- She might have gotten nervous.
- She might have thought you were ugly.
...or the possibility exists that the technique you used might have been horrible.
But what do MOST guys typically do in a situation like this one?
Most guys typically let their emotions take over, and they think "Well that stuff doesn't work", and they STOP even trying Cocky & Funny humor.
WHAT A MISTAKE THIS IS!
A lot of guys will even try something and have it WORK for them, then have it NOT WORK just ONCE and quit using it because they stop believing in it.
This is a HORRIBLE mistake!
Let me try to say this all a different way...
Out of a random sample of 100 beautiful women, you'd probably find that only 20 of them (or so) are:
- Emotionally Stable
- Able to carry on an interesting conversation
- Not stuck up
- Not psycho
This is just an estimate from my own personal experience, but I think you get the point.
Now, Here's the Important Part of This Concept
Let's say that you started talking to all of these 100 women, one after the other, and you had to use the same basic attitude and opening with each of them.
What would you do?
If you treated all of them like they were probably NOT single, interesting, stable, etc. (which is the case), then you'd probably scare off the single ones who were your targets, because they'd think you were acting strange.
For instance, let's say you started a conversation with a very attractive woman in her mid twenties, who was open-minded, funny, and wasn't concerned with how old the men she dated were (there are a lot of women out there like this... I know this for a fact). But let's say that you were "playing it cool", not saying anything that might offend or appear "too forward", and generally treating her like she was probably married or had a boyfriend. You'd probably be trying to figure out if she was single, not really paying attention to what you were saying, and you might finish up by saying "So, can I take you out to dinner sometime?"
And what is this hot, smart, desirable woman thinking while you're acting like a dork? Right... she's thinking that you're a dork. Duh.
Now, let's take the flip side.
Stay with me here.
Let's say that you treated ALL of the 100 attractive women like they were AVAILABLE, smart, interesting, etc.
What would happen?
Well, you'd probably start flirting with them all right from the beginning, or you'd communicate very quickly that you weren't just another friendly guy who wanted to talk about the weather.
And what would happen?
Well, as you can imagine, a lot of the women who were either unavailable or unable to have a normal conversation would "reject" you. They just wouldn't be interested. Their minds would be closed to the possibility of continuing the relationship with you, and they would end the conversation with you in one way or another.
Now, let's go TOTALLY out into space, and imagine that you were a LAB RAT, and that you had a bar that you could press. And let's say that 80% of the time when you pressed it you got shocked, and 20% of the time you got a treat.
How long would you keep pressing the bar?
And keep in mind that this is a random system.
You can't line up all the shocks (or all the rejections from women, in the non-rat experiment that most men live in day-to-day).
You might get 7 shocks in a row at first.
Or you might get 1 treat, then 5 shocks.
Well, for most men, the THOUGHT of being "rejected" by a woman is worse than a shock for a lab rat.
So what do we do?
We don't even try.
And we miss the opportunities with all of those wonderful, single, available women who are out looking for a man who has the balls to find them.
So What's the Solution?
The solution is to use a little technique called behaving AS IF she's single, available, and interesting.
You must learn to overcome your initial self-doubt and your doubts about a woman, and behave AS IF every woman you start talking to is SINGLE and AS IF she's going to be THE ONE, MOST INTERESTING AND WONDERFUL WOMAN EVER.
You must do the things that will attract THAT woman, and forget about the rest.
And you must learn to NOT take the things that happen in between meeting the wonderful ones PERSONALLY.
Gary Halbert, one of the top marketing geniuses in the world, talks about this principle.
He basically says that out of 100 people reading your ad or seeing your commercial, maybe ONE of them is someone who would buy your product anyway.
SO QUIT TALKING TO ALL OF THE 100 PEOPLE, AND ONLY TALK TO THE ONE!
In his words: "Don't worry about the DOGS, concentrate on selling the FOXES".
I like the metaphor.
Talk to the women you meet AS IF they're single, open, interesting, and wonderful. And don't worry about the ones that don't turn out to actually BE single, open, interesting, available, and wonderful!
Use the things you're learning from me, and KEEP USING THEM... even if they don't work sometimes. There are all kinds of reasons why women aren't interested... or stop being interested... or whatever.
That doesn't mean that you should stop doing what works!
...which leads me to my next point.
When You First Start Talking to a Woman, Your BELIEFS About Women and Dating Are CRITICAL
If you don't know how to use your BODY LANGUAGE and other communication to INSTANTLY show her that you're a sexually aware, confident man, then you'll probably be overlooked and mentally discounted within SECONDS.
Of course, in order to PROJECT the correct beliefs that are attractive to women, you must KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, and UNDERSTAND THEM.
In other words, you can't just "fake" them. You actually have to have a DEEP understanding of how women think, and what makes them feel a POWERFUL, gut-level emotional ATTRACTION for a man.
It's taken me YEARS to figure out this critical point.
I used to try all kinds of techniques to meet women.
But when it came down to it, no matter how well the techniques worked, the women always seemed to slip away at one point or another, and lose their interest quickly.
This was because I didn't GET IT.
So one of the things that I try to teach guys is how to GET IT, and how to show women that they GET IT.
But "getting it" isn't as easy as it sounds.
You can't learn to be a Black Belt in a martial art by learning a few techniques. It takes a DEEPER, more profound understanding.
And you can't learn how to be super-successful with women by learning a few pick up lines.
It just won't happen that way!
After spending literally YEARS making mistakes, trying different things, and putting the pieces together, I've created a systematic way for men to learn ALL of the various aspects of how to be successful with women and dating.
And I've created a few specific educational tools so you can learn this skill... right from the comfort of your own home.
If you haven't downloaded your copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating" yet... then what are you waiting for? You can download it right now and be reading it within a few minutes. Really. It's here:
This is the book that started it all, and it's the foundation for everything else I teach. Enjoy.
I'll talk to you again in a couple of days.
Copyright 2011 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.