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How to Not Be a Boring Nervous Bonehead

by Ron Louis & David Copeland

In this article we will explore the devastating effects of being nervous around women, and we'll offer some tips on how you can relax and communicate a relaxed and confident image to women.

How many of you struggle with feeling nervous, scared and anxious around women? Out of the thousands of men we've worked with nearly every guy struggles with anxiety. Most guys feel fear when approaching a woman, and guess what? It shows! When you feel scared, the woman senses it, sees it, feels it, and your chances of success go right into the toilet.

Can we make you super calm, cool, and relaxed overnight? No way. Fear and nervousness are part of being a seducer. Fear is a natural response when doing anything exciting -- rock stars feel afraid before walking out on stage, athletes before starting a game, and amazing seducers feel it before approaching a woman. What separates successful people from unsuccessful people is that successful people learn how to utilize the POWER of their fear and use it to propel them into ACTION. Unsuccessful people become paralyzed by fear and fear becomes something that continually knocks them out of the game.

Fear and anxiety, in fact, can impact every aspect of succeeding with women. Not only can you feel nervous inside, but you also telegraph anxiety in your body movements, in the speed and way you speak, and in your general presence around women. So, we're going to recommend some ways to act around women and some ways NOT to act around women. Even if you can only partially implement these suggestions -- your game will greatly improve with women. If not, you're likely to end up just another Boring Nervous Bonehead.

Boring Nervous Boneheads (BNBs) tend to move too quickly. When you feel pressure to approach and talk to a hot babe, your mind, in response, starts to speed up, and pretty soon you have created even more anxiety and it is even harder to make the actual approach. As you speed up, your heart rate then increases, your breathing becomes shallower, and pretty soon you've really freaked yourself out and the chances of success continue to plummet. And then you've again become... just another BNB.

Here are some things you can start doing TODAY to greatly increase your game and help you to more fully get in the game, feel better about yourself, and help you think more clearly and effectively on your feet.


If we could listen in to the inner dialog of a BNB we'd hear all sorts of scary stuff. We'd hear someone telling themselves over and over that they are not good enough, that they can never succeed with women, that everyone else can learn from Ron and David -- why can't they? We'd likely hear someone saying over and over, "I can't approach her. I just feel too scared." We would likely hear loads of other negative self-critical talk. And after hearing these yucky things the BNB tells himself over and over, there would be no surprise in watching him fail as he approached women over the course of an evening, a week, a month, or even a year.

The BNB scares himself half to death each time he approaches a woman, rather than consistently working on his mindset to create more confidence. Instead of examining and challenging his limiting beliefs, his fears and concerns, the BNB becomes a victim to his own self-imposed prison.

The successful seducer, however, works for weeks, months, or even years to improve his confidence and feelings of self worth. The successful seducer works on projecting confidence, self-acceptance, strength and openness. The successful seducer consciously works on changing his inner dialog to play the messages that are empowering, not limiting.

Talking Too Fast

The Boring Nervous Bonehead simply talks too damn fast. When approaching a woman for the first time, the BNB talks so fast that she can hardly understand what he is saying. The BNB projects fear from the moment he opens his mouth, and the woman therefore has no doubt that he's just another BNB and blows him off immediately. The successful seducer is able to enunciate when he speaks and he talks slowly enough so that the woman can clearly understand him.

The successful seducer is not in a hurry when talks to women. He feels comfortable enough to leave space in the conversation for silences. The successful seducer enjoys the tension of silence.

The successful seducer takes his time when talking to women so that he can connect with her and he can keep himself in a calm frame of mind. Starting today, when you approach a woman slow down your speed when speaking.

Nervous Movements

There are a host of movements we all do when we're nervous. And to make matters worse, the more nervous movements you make around a woman the more nervous you will feel inside. Start to become aware of how you do these movements and work on eradicating them from your repertoire.

Specifically, a BNB does thing like moving his hands around like a crazy person when he speaks. The BNB fidgets because he is so nervous. He also makes jagged motions that seem unnatural. Jagged motions tend to convey someone who is stiff and tense. Worst of all, the BNB avoids eye contact with women. He's afraid to take the risk of facing a woman, looking into her eyes, and having her know that he is checking her out.

How does the master seducer move? He moves in a graceful manner, not in wild and crazy hand gestures. A relaxed seducer seems like he's out talking to a friend, not trying to bust out some huge sex moves on women. The confident seducer can just enjoy interacting with women at any stage of the game and his body posture and motions display his level of comfort.

Trying Too Hard

The BNB feels he has to win women over, and does so by trying too hard. He comes across more like a used car salesman than a seductive guy. As we mention in "How to Talk to Women", the Extroverted Communicator tends to compensate for fear by talking too much and too loudly. The Introverted Communicator, however, telegraphs his fear by not talking loudly enough and by being too scared to keep initiating conversations with the woman.

The BNB shows that he is trying too hard with women by constantly nodding his head up and down in a "yes" motion when he talks to women, as if this will have some subtle impact on her being in a "yes" sort of mood. He might also frequently say, "Yea, I know just what you mean." Or, "right." Or he will say, "yes", or "ya know." These are all ways to look to her for validation. One sure-fire sign of a BNB is that he looks for validation from women. Guys who seek women's approval tend to become miserable failures with women and tend to forever spin their wheels due to a lack of confidence.

Not Taking Enough Risks

By definition BNBs are BORING! They ask boring questions, they do predictable things, and they take very few actual risks with women. BNBs act like every other guy does and do nothing to stand out. The BNB is so amazed when a woman does actually reciprocate in a conversation that he becomes a submissive puppy dog.

The BNB tends to supplicate to a woman when he first meets her, rather than risk slowing down more, and demanding MORE from both her and him. The BNB settles for his own wimpy behavior to NOT push things harder and to not share his romantic and sexual side with women.

The confident seducer takes risks when interacting and talking to women. The confident seducer challenges women when talking. He moves his body in close to a woman when talking and risks upsetting her. The confident seducer takes conversational risks by bringing up controversial subjects and pushing both touch and humor to the line. The confident seducer also pushes himself to do things that are uncomfortable to both challenge his own sense of fear and to get outside of his own comfort zone.

In closing, you can start TODAY to attack these problems and to actively go out and work on yourself as a seducer. You do this by being out in the field, interacting with women, and putting in the corrections to never again be just another BNB. If you work on the skills put forth today, you will greatly improve your life as a seducer, feel a greater sense of confidence, have more fun with women, and find yourself succeeding at greater levels than you have before.

Best of luck!

About the Author: Ron and David are dating coaches. Their book How to Succeed With Women has sold over 40,000 copies. They have been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Playboy, YM, Maxim, GQ UK, Swank, Gallery, and Players. They have also been on the Rosanne Barr Show, the Issac Hays show, To Tell the Truth, Fox News, CNN, UPN, and ABC. For more great tips on meeting and dating women or to ask a question go to howtosucceedwithwomen.com.