How to Get Women to Approach You
The men who succeed at attracting hot women with little or no effort are the men who follow seduction fundamental #8: "Be building a life you love, separate from women." These are the men who have gone after what they really wanted in their lives...the rock stars, the presidents, the famous actors.
You probably don't fall into one of those categories, but you can make use of the underlying principle, which is this: Women are attracted to men who are turned on by their lives and by what they are up to. This is why a guy in a garage-band can have women approach him for sex: he's excited by what he is up to, and doing something unusual, even if he doesn't have a lot of money or power.
This is why "creating a live you love, separate from women" is a fundamental. Ultimately, we want you to be what we call a "level 5 'man's man' seducer," living a life that women naturally want to be a part of. Getting to this point, however, requires effort.
In our book, How to Succeed with Women, we talked briefly about "gimmicks." Gimmicks are things that make you more approachable to a woman. If a woman wants to talk with you, but she can't think of a thing to say to you, or anything to talk with you about, she won't make the approach, period. If you have something about you that makes you easier to approach, the possibility of her making that approach goes up.
However, we must warn you that gimmicks are not a cure-all. The biggest problem that our students have with gimmicks is that the students who are usually most interested in finding a gimmick try to use it to _replace_ doing the other seduction fundamentals. That never works. They seem to think, "Great, I have a gimmick, I don't need to learn to approach women, or to initiate with women, or to handle rejection, or to learn how to flirt and show romantic interest, or any of the other eight fundamentals of seducing women." Then they are surprised when the gimmick doesn't solve all their problems with women.
The bottom line is this: it's important that you don't indulge in thinking that there's a way out of doing the work to seduce women. Gimmicks might help, or they might not.
Here are some of the gimmicks men use:
- Learning magic tricks and learning to perform them in social settings.
- Having a dog.
- Carrying a baby.
- Having a hand puppet, and interacting with everyone you see with it.
- Going to a Poetry readings and reading love poetry.
- Learning palm-reading and using it to talk with women.
These gimmicks are not as easy as they look, though--If you learn magic, you still have to have the balls to perform the tricks, and no doubt you'll end up coaxing women to "pick a card" anyway, so you are back to having to do the initiating. If you carry a hand-puppet (as one successful seducer we've known does), you still have to have the balls to go up to women and interact with them through it. Having a dog may get some women to approach you, but you'll do better at a dog park or dog-training seminar--and there you are, having to initiate again. If you read poetry at a poetry reading, women may come up and talk with you afterwards, but you're still better off making the first approach. And if you learn palm-reading, you still have to get it started with a woman...and if you are going to go to the trouble of getting palm-reading started, you might as well flirt with her in other, more authentic ways, like through "deepening" conversations. So perhaps gimmicks make the initial approach easier. But there's a better way to do it.
The best way we've found to make the initial approach easy is through fundamental 5, "Do your niche work." You must find niches that work for you. Niches put you in situations where it's easy to talk with women, or even automatic, and that's what you really want.
A niche is an event or location that has interacting with women you find attractive, more or less automatically. The best niches are points of entry into communities that contain women, and they set you up to interact with those women. These can be classes on all sorts of topics (from accounting to trapeze), churches, workshops, art openings, organizations of "friends" of the Art Museum or Zoo, new age events, personal growth weekends, clubs, or anything else you can find where people gather to share their enthusiasms.
Niches can be a pain in the ass to find, but once you have found niches that work for you, it becomes _much_ easier to meet women and seduce them.
Let's talk a little about the "personal growth seminars" niche. Some of our top students use personal growth weekends as a favorite niche, because the women who go to them are often young, open-minded, and attractive.
One of our students recently went to a personal growth seminar weekend and told us this about it: "There were two hot young Italian girls there, who at first I thought were lesbians because they were touching each other so much, but I guess that's what they do overseas. We got to talking about the different processes over the weekend, and I was in a small group with one of them, and I practiced all my flirting moves. I paid attention to what they shared, and talked with them about it when I could, and they were both really receptive, though one more than the other.
"The Sunday night after the program was over I took one of them out, made my move in the restaurant, and she started kissing me so passionately I was actually starting to feel like it was too much to be doing in public! We went back to her place, and it was great. The best part was I really didn't feel like I had to 'work' to get her to like me--being at the seminar together seemed to give us a lot in common automatically, and made things a _lot_ easier."
One of the key elements of most personal growth seminars is the deep level of bonding that quickly happens between participants. At a personal growth seminar, you will be in a group of people who are there to break out of their normal day-to-day routines and to try something new. This can be a good environment for you to experiment with new behaviors with women who will be much more receptive than women on the street would be.
Most seminars stress emotional honesty. People who reveal their inner-most secrets are often rewarded by the group leaders and gain the respect of fellow seminarians. This environment is perfect because you can come across as Mr. Sincere and Mr. Emotionally Honest & Available. This is attractive to women.
On a break you could walk up to the most beautiful woman in the room and say something like, "I really feel like I can be honest about who I am here, and that I can take risks I've never been able to take before...and so I want to tell you I think you are a very beautiful woman, and I'd like to get to know you better." In such an environment, which stresses honesty and sharing, you can approach many women and honestly express your attraction, and ask them out.
If that's too much for you, you can practice your flirting moves on breaks or when the group separates into small groups for sharing.
Another advantage is that most women attending will be open to meeting you, and may even approach you first. Some will actually be attending with the sole purpose of meeting a man (like the woman our student connected with at the seminar he went to).
You may find the information presented at the seminar useful, too. As we've said so often, the clearer a man is about his purpose in life, the easier a time he usually has with women. A seminar may help you develop this clarity.
The only major downfall of seminars is that they may cost too much money. Try to find seminars that have an introductory evening that you can go to, first, and scope out the women who show up before you invest your time and money.
Are personal growth seminars the answer for everyone? Of course not. You have to find out which niches work for you. The point is to get you thinking about the question, "What niches might work for me?" What are you interested in? What might you be able to become interested in? Check out your local weekly paper or events calendar, or your local newspaper's web site to start finding some possible niches for you. In the right niches, it becomes very easy (or even automatic) to approach and talk with women--and that's closer, at least, to having women approach you.