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Rejection Is the Key to Sexual Prosperity

by Ron Louis & David Copeland

Fundamentally, you are scared of women for one reason only: you are afraid of the pain and humiliation you'll feel if she rejects you.

If she says "no", you'll interpret it to mean all sorts of things: that you'll never get a woman, that you're not good enough, and that there's something fundamentally wrong with you. You'll feel humiliation and pain for days, perhaps even longer.

Each rejection makes you even less likely to initiate anything with a woman again, which makes the next time you actually do initiate something seem even more important and significant to you. It will be extra-important to you that you not get rejected again, which will make you seem weird to the woman, who will then reject you. Then back to more pain and lonely nights ahead.

This chain of events is enough to make your head spin. Many men that we've seen have a similar cycle go off in their heads when they are rejected by a woman. The strange part is that most of us are not even consciously aware of these crippling thoughts.

Unsuccessful men assume the worse.

One our students would always tell us, "If she says no, I'll look like a fool. I can just see that horrified look on her face already. I wonder how she'll say 'no'? Then she'll tell all our mutual friends that I, of all people, tried to ask her out. They'll all laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back. My reputation will be ruined."

This guy puts himself in so much pain by picturing the worst possible outcomes that he paralyzes himself with fear. He's picturing all these terrible outcomes when he approaches a woman, and his sheer level of fear alone, if nothing else, makes women say "no" to him. He acts so strangely and so hesitantly that he's at his worst, rather than at his best. Few women would chose to go out with him.

Women are not stupid; they can sense hesitation in a man. They don't want to be the source of you becoming depressed if they are not interested in dating you.

The Master Seducer sees things completely differently. Rather than seeing rejection as a reflection of his value as a man, the Highly Effective Seducer has one rule about rejection: "Rejection is the key to sexual prosperity."

An Effective Seducer thinks about rejection fundamentally differently than an ineffective seducer does. He does this by making better decisions about what a women's rejection means to him.

For instance, imagine you are at a grocery store, and you flirt and joke with the attractive young woman behind the counter (as we'll teach you to do). Perhaps she says "would you like a bag?" to which you smile and jokingly respond "Oh no...bags are dangerous! Haven't you read the warnings on them?" She responds with a dark glare. You continue to joke with her, and her only words for you are a cold-sounding "Thank-you-come-again" when she hands you your change. In every way that she can, short of outright insolence, she rejects you.

Let's look into the mind of an ineffective seducer after this

He might be thinking "Wow, I really blew it with her. I can't believe I said that stuff. I must have been really out of line. Once again, I scared a woman I was attracted to. What's wrong with me? Won't I ever be able to talk to women without something weird happening? She's probably talking about me right now, telling everybody what a jerk I am."

The ineffective seducer explains the interaction to himself in a way that causes him humiliation and shame.

To the Highly Effective Seducer, rejection is a stepping stone to massive sexual success because he sees it as one more "no" he doesn't have to hear on the way to an inevitable "yes" with some other woman.

After that same interaction, an Effective Seducer might say to himself, "Wow, she sure didn't have much of a sense of humor. I wonder if she's not feeling well. Perhaps she had a friend die from suffocation in a plastic bag. Who knows?"

If he does think that she didn't like him, his only thought is "well, it's a good thing I found out now, before wasting more time and energy on her. Now I can concentrate on all the women who will want to be with me!" The Highly Effective Seducer explains the interaction to himself in such a way that he feels good about himself.

He's gotten one more "no" out of the way, and can move on to the "yes" from some other woman.

About the Author: Ron and David are dating coaches. Their book How to Succeed With Women has sold over 40,000 copies. They have been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Playboy, YM, Maxim, GQ UK, Swank, Gallery, and Players. They have also been on the Rosanne Barr Show, the Issac Hays show, To Tell the Truth, Fox News, CNN, UPN, and ABC. For more great tips on meeting and dating women or to ask a question go to howtosucceedwithwomen.com.