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Attitude Is Everything

by Sebastian Steele

One of the most important aspects of dating is to have a positive outlook on things. A woman can sense instantly if you are going to be a negative and draining person to be around, and she'll go to great lengths to avoid you if you're this type of person.

Regardless of what's happened to you in your life, you CAN develop the habit of having what I call "positive expectancy". What that means it that you expect things to turn out well for you. When you meet a woman, you assume that she's going to like you, because.... who wouldn't? When you are going out with a woman, you already know that she's going to have a great time, because hey... she's out with YOU tonight.

It's important to always assume the best about people. And the funny thing is, if you see the best in people, they will tend to demonstrate the best kind of behavior when they are around you.

Now for me personally, this was a huge challenge to meet. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had dated so many women, and had so many relationship failures, that I would go out on dates, but have a negative outlook on things. I would say things to myself like, "Well, I might as well get her in bed tonight, because this probably isn't going to last anyway. I mean, look at how she was 10 minutes late. She doesn't even respect my time... and so forth."

I realize that might sound a little extreme, but this was where I was at in my life. I had been burned by so many women, that I became jaded.

What I finally realized was that it was ME who was screwing up my my chances of getting laid, not the women. Once I took a real honest look at my internal beliefs about life, people, and about myself, I began to notice a lot of conflicts in my mental make up. You may or may not be able to identify with what I'm talking about.

What about you? Do you have the same kind of problems with women over and over again? Do you find that there is an undesirable pattern going on in your dating life, and your social life? Most likely it's because you have some limiting beliefs that are conflicting with your desires and your values. Here's an example:

Let's say you have a desire that sounds something like this. "I want to date and sleep with several woman simultaneously." Fair enough, I often date and sleep with several women at once too. Okay, now let me ask you a question. Have you ever had a woman that you cared about a lot, and then you noticed that she was paying a lot of attention to another man? Or, have you ever had a woman sleep with another man while she was also dating and sleeping with you?

If you answered yes, I'm just curious... how did it feel when you found out? Did you get that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, and you were uneasy for days, weeks, or even months or years (especially if this was a wife, or a true love)?

Okay, so now you've got a conflict going on, because your conscious mind says that you want to enjoy several women sexually at the same time. (I'm not talking about threesomes here. I'm just saying that you happen to be sleeping with multiple women at various times.)

On the other hand, your subconscious mind... the part of your mind that remembers everything that has ever happened to you, and that controls all of your involuntary body functions... remembers the pain that you experienced when YOU were on the receiving end of someone who was not monogamous.

Well, do you think that might cause some internal conflicts? On one hand, you want one thing, but on the other hand, you remember how much pain that situation caused you in the past. So you will endlessly vacillate between those two desires.

Okay, so knowing this... what can you do? Well, you can do a LOT, but it takes a little bit of mental training. So here we go...

Step 1 - Observe what kind of questions you are asking yourself about your partner. This will become easy after a little bit of practice. What I'm asking you to do is pay attention to what you're saying to yourself inside your mind. You see, you might be asking yourself things like:

I wonder what she's thinking.

Does she really like me, or is she just pretending to like me?

Why doesn't she return my calls all the time?

I wonder if she really wants to be with me.

Should I call her? I wonder why she's not home tonight.

I hope she shows up for our date tonight.

... the list goes on and on.

You see, your brain is just a computer. Whatever question you ask yourself, you will get an answer to. That's your brain's job. If you were to ask yourself, "Why am I so fat?", your brain would spit out a bunch of answers like:

Because you eat too much fast food.

You are lazy and you don't exercise.

Because you're a loser and you eat too much junk food.

Those kind of answers wouldn't be very helpful would they? But what if you asked yourself a better question like, "How can I lose 10 pounds?", then your brain would start giving you answers to that question.

But it doesn't stop there. How do you think we could modify that question to make get our brain to give us more potent and powerful answers? Here's some examples:

How can I lose 10 pounds within 2 months? (Now you're adding the element of a deadline to the question, which will give you a completely different answer.)

How can I lose 10 pounds within 2 months and really have FUN doing it? (That's a great question, and you will get a completely different answer, because your brain will be looking for ways to lose the weight that are fun, and only give you those answers.)

What can I do RIGHT NOW that will get me on the road to losing 10 pounds and having fun? (Again, that's a different question completely, because it not only mixes in the element of time, but also tells your brain to only give you answers that you can act on right now.)

So I hope you're starting to see just how powerful your brain really is. But remember, YOU are the one who's in control of it, and the way you control it is by controlling the questions that you ask yourself on a regular basis.

You see, you probably don't even realize it yet, but you are ALWAYS asking and answering questions in your mind. It's just that you are doing it automatically, and you're not consciously aware of it. It's kind of like driving a car. When you're first learning, you have to consciously pay attention to everything that you're doing. But the more you practice driving, and the more competent you get, the more those individual actions of driving (like checking the mirrors, shifting gears, knowing how much pressure to apply to the brakes) get put on your subconscious autopilot system.

That's what you want to happen here too, but first you've got to change the questions that you're asking yourself habitually when it comes to women and dating.

So let's try a fun exercise. To begin with, let's pick a question that many guys ask themselves at one point in their lives :

"Why can't I get those really hot women to be interested in me?"

Well, if you ask yourself that question, you're going to get some really lousy answers, because the brain is just a computer and it's job is to give you all the reasons why you can't get laid.

Do yourself a huge favor, and start paying close attention to the questions that you ask yourself when it comes to women, dating, and sex. You might not think that you ask yourself questions like I mentioned above, and I can answer that statement like this...

Have you ever had a car that you REALLY wanted? Maybe you even went out and bought it, who knows. But when you thought about that car, it's like you could actually feel yourself driving in it. It was so real to you. And then something funny happened. As you went through your day, you began to notice that very same car EVERYWHERE.

You saw it on the highway, in the malls, at your college, wherever. Why? Because your mind was now conditioned to pay attention to, and notice that car whenever you saw one.

The same thing applies to the questions that you ask yourself. If you tell your brain to notice the questions that you ask yourself around women, you WILL start to notice them all.


This article is a short clip from my latest book, Simple Seducer - the most complete guide to picking up women EVER written. If you enjoyed this article then you should stop by my web site and learn more about the book... it may just be exactly what you've been looking for!