The Long Term Relationship
Most of what you have read in the Forums deals with "How to get women" and how to deal with the first few dates and the STRís. But when it comes to an LTR, the forums leave something to be desired. So, for all you experienced DJís thinking about the next step up - this one is for you.
1 - The POINT of the LTR
An LTR is a relationship between a guy and a girl that is based around strong mutual attraction on the physical, mental, and possibly even spiritual levels. It involves the concept of "love" and the desire to be with someone you care very highly about for a long time - possibly for the whole of your lives.
It is NOT something to jump into lightly, but it can have very rewarding aspects to it and (if you choose your partner wisely) will lead you to a level of contentment unlike you have ever experienced before.
2 - The Principles Change in an LTR
The first thing you have to realize about an LTR is that the rules have changed slightly. A successful LTR involves far much more than portraying an aura of confidence and being a challenge.
The thing that makes an LTR what it is, is the fact that it is LONG TERM. You are thinking about spending an amount of time with a woman that can be measured in years and possibly even decades (gulp).
Think about this for a minute here - do you really expect to last in a relationship for several years (at least) with a woman whoís only positive aspects include being attractive and good in bed? That might have worked in the short-term for you, but that just isnít LTR material. If you think otherwise, then an LTR is not in your best interest.
The DJ principles that normally apply to women still stand in the LTR. However, things are going to be different.
This is because the MAIN factor involved in successful LTRís is compatible personalities between you and the woman youíre after. Thatís right - the two of you have to be able to stand each other enough to WANT to be together happily for a long time.
Another big factor is trust. You need to be able to trust each other.
Thatís not to say you should have to depend upon one another for everything all the time, but if you canít trust the girl in your LTR then you should really consider terminating that relationship - for your own best interest.
3 - What DJ Principles Change
Obviously, confidence will always be a booster in any sort of relationship. A confident man is always an attractive man.
Sure, you may be able to occasionally get away with not being confident in yourself from time to time in an LTR, but it will still work against you if you make the same mistakes.
Being a challenge and being mysterious, however, can be known to work against you in an LTR.
One of the foundations of an LTR is TRUST between partners, and if your woman doesnít know much about you or where you are half the time - then she is going to have doubts if she can trust you.
An LTR is a full-time commitment, and it simply does not work if you try to sign up for a part-time position. Now, thatís not to say you need to tell her EVERY single detail about you - but the important things about you are going to need to come out into the light if you want to have this thing called "trust" in your LTR.
4 - Your LTR Candidates
When selecting a woman for an LTR you should keep one thing in mind - BE PICKY!!! Settle for nothing less than the best.
Always stick to what YOU want in a woman. Your DJ skills should be developed enough to enable you to go out and find what youíre after without too many problems, otherwise you should stick to STRís before making the "big leap" into LTR-ville.
5 - The Test of Time
As time changes, so do people. This is simply a warning that - since an LTR deals with relations with a woman for a long long time, you can rightly expect for her (and indeed your own) opinions, goals in life, career choices, family goals, and beliefs to change as time progresses.
Now, just because you are in an LTR with this woman is no iron-clad contract for you to have to stay with her if you are no longer attracted to her. This is a common AFC mistake where the guy will stay with his woman because of how he FELT for her once upon a time, and not how he feels for her NOW.
Do not spend your time being miserable with a woman you today find to be less-than-great, for you are a Don Juan and NOT an AFC. If things turn sour over time, by all means - BAIL OUT AND START ANEW.
6 - Marriage and the LTR
It is another common AFC belief that if you spend long enough with a woman - you should get married. This is not the case for the Don Juan. If he does not see the point of marriage, then he need not pursue it.
If you have doubts about the LTR you are in, then marriage is right OUT of the question for the current time. It may be bad to lose an LTR, but losing a marriage is the worse of the two (and more costly!!).
However, if you and your girl have spent long enough together and are still madly in love and both WANT to be married - then go for it! Just donít enter these things lightly, or for the wrong reasons.
7 - Conclusions
There is nothing anti-DJ about an LTR. You will still need to keep the attraction alive between you and her, just for a longer time. For that reason, it is right to say that the Long-Term Relationship is the final stage in a Don Juanís development.
For a wise man once said: "The greater man is not the man who can seduce a million women in his lifetime, but the man who can hold onto ONE forever."