What Do Women Really Want?
(Sshhhhhh! Come closer... this is a Cosmic Secret)
I am now going to reveal to you what women want, have always wanted and will always be looking for in any man with whom they become intimate. It is a "Trump" attribute, which means that its presence is a more powerful influence than others and can tip the scales of emotional acceptance in your favor immediately.
Be advised that I will be dealing with a monumental but accurate generalization which is not meant to apply to every female who ever lived. I bow to the variability within and between the sexes. Nonetheless, you will see that my assertion has the undeniable thud of the obvious.
If you feel the cold chill of disbelief or the fever of indignation rising in you at these words, please consult with Woody Allen, a cunning expert at attracting beautiful talented women on the sheer force of this "Trump" attribute which draws women like... migrating butterflies.
What women want from men is confidence. The Trump is Personal Confidence.
Confidence... not arrogance, not dominance, not one-upsmanship, not useless bravado, not macho heroics. Women just love truly confident men.
Now as you know, confidence is an attitude thing. In particular, male confidence frequently manifests as an "I-can-handle-it attitude". This does not mean that feelings are denied. It doesn't imply an absence of doubt, fear, or vulnerability. A delusion of total self sufficiency is not required.
Confidence simply says: "I can deal with it... somehow... well at least I'll do my best". The attitude of confidence doesn't even have to be constant, just generally present in the face of most life challenges.
For hundreds of thousands of years of human development, a confident attitude was much easier for men to gain and display than it is now because it was required for survival. There was hardly any choice. Until recently, the demands of physical survival were the primary issue in pair-bonding and confidence-building roles for both sexes directly related to survival were far more apparent. I am not talking about survival in extraordinary circumstances, either. It could be as basic as steadfastness in getting the crops in out of the rain.
In the smaller communities in which we used to live, everyone could see the skilled hunter, the dedicated farmer and stockman, the courageous protector, the skilled artisan, the accomplished leader, the sage teacher, the men who didn't give up in the face of threatening set-backs.
Why hell! There have been times and cultures where a women wouldn't even consider a man who couldn't claim to be a good carpenter or a competent dirt mover. These roles, decreed by harsher realities of life than most of us now experience, were obvious advertisements for male virtue, i.e., "I can handle it".
Unfortunately, the signs indicative of genuine masculine confidence are confusing today and gender roles are a chaotic mess. The external demonstrations of natural confidence have become confused with the poor substitute of consumer status symbols. But... women instinctually look for clues to a man's level of confidence... and test it to the limit... but not in the old-fashioned way.
Now for the good news! Since confidence is primarily an attitude toward meeting life challenges of all kinds - and there's no shortage of challenges in the world - the essential attitude can still be cultivated and demonstrated. But it cannot be faked with money, looks, or possessions.
Willingness to face important struggles is still the ultimate key to a woman's respect. In contemporary times, a man may express this dynamic in many conventional ways. He can show his confidence integrity through competence in his work, education, sports, hobbies, child rearing, or doing home improvements. Actually, we can include here any thing which involves mastering a new learning curve and overcoming ego uncertainties.
Now, if a man really wants to do some crash confidence building these days, he can try still the old-fashioned approach - and many do so.
He can expose himself to more risks and bigger risks: jump out of a few airplanes, compete at martial arts, skiboard off of snowy mountains, lift weights, climb sheer cliffs with only the strength of his fingertips for security, take on dangerous political controversies, start an unusual new business with more enthusiasm than capital, confront and influence provocative teenagers, or spend days in the wilderness with only his tom-tom for company.
But we all know perfectly well that these are methods not character outcomes. It is not the specific activity that matters, what matters is what goes on in the man's head that makes him feel some sense of Mastery.
Or... a man can cut to the bottom line, avoid physically and financially dangerous experiences, and go for The Really Big Risk... the ultimate emotional challenge. He can work directly at becoming more confident with women themselves. That's riskier than cliff climbing, anyway!
Although a woman likes to believe a man is willing to deal with a lot of things, what really counts is that he is able to deal with her. A healthy, mature woman resists impassioned commitment to a man who is afraid of her sexuality, her intelligence, or her emotions.
This means gaining confidence and empathy (unavoidably stuck together) in approaching and relating to women on many levels, in the face of rejections real or imagined. And since this is the riskiest venture of all, the pay-off is, appropriately, the biggest: the devotion of a loving woman who can make your life extremely pleasant on a daily basis. Confidence with women in general - beautiful, plain, smart, nice, mean, old, young - every kind of woman - is an unavoidable social skill which can and must be learned if what you want is the greatest intimate relationship of your life.
Dana Peach, M.A., M.Ed.
The Authoritative Matchmaker
Private coaching and consultation to help you do whatever is in your power to have the best relationship(s) of your life.