Occasionally, I will direct a question to the female subscribers in certain issues of The Don Juan Newsletter... help us "clueless" guys out a little so to speak. Here's what they have to say....
What kinds of mistakes do guys frequently make on the first date or two that really turn you off, and make you realize that things are just not going to work out?
I'm usually pretty forgiving. Even if he makes gaffe after disastrous gaffe, I can still get a good idea of whether or not our personalities would gel, if he's a decent person or a genuine moron. I doubt some poor shmuck would ask me out just to be a jackass! He must have some interest (however bad his intentions may be), or otherwise wouldn't have gone through the hassle of a date. I'd be more likely to give him the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to nervousness.
Often men try to appear confident and independent and are telling you about what they might do in a week. This is all good, however when they start to say that " Fridays I always go out with the lads and I've been doing it for 15 years ..." This says quite a few things. Yes he has friends, which is definitely good, yes he has a life, another top score but what it also says quite clearly is that within the next few weeks you are going to be having fights over who goes out where and when. What I mean is that women don't necessarily want to boss men or organize their lives. This is a misconception. No not a preconception a misconception.
Here is my answer. We want them to recognize that we are important in their lives and actually don't want to have to tell them things they should already know. So really by stating that their lives are scheduled and predictable turns us off. All we can see is weeks of nagging and forcing them to do something else. So really why bother they seem quite content! I hope you understand some of this. There you have another great misconception. Women are often very bad at expressing what they mean. They might know it but just can't show it. But it is so easy to help us. However this special knowledge shall have to wait for another day because I wouldn't want to overload you on the strange and wonderful female mind.
I can tell if a relationship will work by the guy's hair style. For example, a "cow lick" usually means that the guy has a bad temper.
I love to hear a compliment from a guy. But a compliment cannot be given away freely. Maybe if I'm down, it'll cheer me up, or if I really did work hard in making myself pretty. But if a guy compliments me *all the time*, I stop believing in him. And what definitely turns me off in a first date or when we meet, is someone rude. Someone that only swears, never speaks and loves to be a show off. I just don't get close to a guy like that.
When a guy tries too hard on a date it is a total turn off. One guy I had a date with had all of my favorite cds in his car for us to listen too and told me how he had been looking forward to us going out. I don't care how excited you are to go out with me or just to have a date I don't want to know: talk about a red flag...especially if I am not sure about the guy in the first place. After seeing a guy for a while those things are nice to hear. The chase is the best part, don't ruin it guys.
Guys are usually prone to unveiling their real IQ on the first few dates. Personally, I am prepared to overlook a lot of annoying things in his manners, as long as he stays the intelligent, witty guy I agreed to date. As long as he can resist his natural urge to baffle the scared little bunny he sees in me, and retrains from making remarks like "I feel that we are going to get along just fine" every two minutes or so, he's doing fine. Once he starts issuing loud opinions on virtually EVERYTHING and turns to me to confirm his good opinion about himself after every phrase, he's a gonner. I need mystery in order to stay interested in a guy after our first date. So the less he says about himself, the better - after the motto "si tacuisses, philosophus manisses".
I hate it when a guy is stuck on themselves. When all they do is talk about the and their lives. I also hate when their rude and their interests are on another women. Or on another planet. I like a guy who's very secure about themselves but please don't over do it. Most women like the simple things in life and dates that are fun. I think the first date should be out in the open as far as going to maybe an amusement park or something like that. This way you both can be yourself, have a little fun, and everything else will fall into place. Don't rush things you have your whole life and think of it this way. If things turn out that it's gonna work at least you could up with a really good friend.
An uptight, un-natural, or pretentious date is a turn-off!
Personally, I don't like men who try too hard to impress. And men who talk too much, without giving me a chance to contribute to the conversation, won't get another date with me. I had a few dates with some guys who actually divide the bill, the service charges and everything in front of the waiters and everyone else. I would appreciate it if they would just foot for the bill first and I'll pay him back later. Regardless of how bad or how good the date turned out, always make it a point to thank each other for it. And never ever make a woman feel bad on a first date.
There are three main things that turn me off on a first date: 1. If you go out and are having a lot of fun, and the guy thinks that, because you're having so much fun, this actually means that he has grabbing rights and then starts to act on these (generally imaginary) rights. 2. I'm a natural blonde. What really gets me is when I get to know a guy, go out with him, but as soon as I say something remotely intelligent, the guy freaks and kind of shuts down. I mean, what's wrong with being blonde and having an IQ higher than 100? 3. Last but not least, a guy does not need to impress me with his sexual prowess on a first date. I'm interested in getting to know him, what he does in his free time, in getting an impression of him. It is not a good idea to let me know directly or indirectly that he's satisfied a lot of women. It'll much likelier have the opposite effect from the one he wanted, as having a lot of short relations does not reflect all that positively on his maturity in handling relationships.
Allow equal time to exchange conversation. I was recently on a date, and the guy talked about himself the whole time, and was not inquisitive about me. It shows women that men care when they ask questions. It makes her feel special.
I'm turned off on a first date if the guy never quits the act. I know that men and women are all nervous on the first date, and we do a little acting (laughing at each other's jokes, telling funny stories, etc) but by the end of the date the guy should be starting to show a little bit of his real personality. Tell me why you love your job, show me your soft side by telling me about your dog, give me something to latch on to that makes you an individual. If a guy wants sex on the first date that's also a big turn off. There should be no pressure, because we know that everything we've done with you on the first date you've also done with all your other first dates. Last but not least, arguing politics, religion, abortion, etc. What a big turn off, to have some guy tell me I'm wrong for being a feminist, a catholic, a vegetarian.
The biggest mistake...."How long has it been since you dated? What kind of guy was he? What happened? How many kids do you want? Are you looking to live in a house, condo, what?" Hello...this is just dinner!!!