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Why Girls Fight Over Me These Days

What Women Really Want In a Man

by Señor Fingers

Looking back on my experiences in this game, I realize that the most powerful shift I have made in my approach was the move from a longing for acceptance vs. the desire to find what I was looking for. I know that sounds cryptic, so allow me to elaborate.

When I first got into the science of seduction, my motives were completely different. I was a validation seeker, whose self-esteem was directly linked to how people perceived me. If I met a cute girl, my intent was to win her over with my charms.

If she liked me, I felt validated and in turn liked myself. But if she blew me off, even if I played a cool front, deep down I would bang my head against the walls and live in a state of woe and dismay at how unworthy I was, until I met someone who would mend my fragile ego with their acceptance. And so the vicious cycle would continue.

My self worth was like a leaf, blown mercilessly to and fro on the spastic whims of others. I had no center!

THE IRONY

Wanna know the most twisted part of this whole scenario? I wasn't even sure if I liked these people!

Yet in a constant struggle to win their favor, I would crank out a plethora of field-tested routines, jokes and stories in an effort to get them to like me. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but all I did was sub-communicate my own neediness.

Did I get laid? Of course I did. But I noticed that when I was in this frame, I was attracting women with low self esteem, and hohum personalities. Yeah I was getting laid alright, but I sure as hell was not any happier or secure in myself either! Probably because I was a little low-self-esteem with emotional issues of my own, but that's a whole nother story.

At the end of the day I was not getting what I wanted, because I was too busy trying to be what I thought other people expected. Now ain't that a kick in the pants?

UNEXPECTED RESULTS

It wasn't until I started to really progress on my professional and spiritual path, that I got tired of hot chicks with mediocre personalities and made the paradigm shift. After years of granting women my approval based on how fine they looked, I felt that I, being someone who is good-looking, talented and ambitious to boot, deserved better.

I didn't just tell myself this; it was an inner conviction that only a true queen would be worthy to share my love.

My friends laughed at me and called me a gay monk when I would turn down the easy lay. But I couldn't be pressured away from my choice, and started to search for something deeper than a big butt and a smile. The result had surprising side effects...

All of a sudden, I was the chooser and all of these hotties had to live up to my expectations. Call it qualifying, Push/Pull, or whatever you want — the point is that women can sense when you are not easily impressed, and it drives them crazy when they meet someone who doesn't worship their looks right off the bat.

Most of them invest so much time and money on clothes, make-up, nails, accessories, not to mention the countless hours of prep time before they even step out the door, that it totally deflates their game when you show more interest in who they are than how they look.

I don't know if this attitude showed in my body language or some other subconscious cues, but I wound up getting hit on aggressively, even fought over by girls I never thought would give me the time of day.

THE FLIP SIDE

At the same time, you can't be completely oblivious to their sex appeal. You must show them some scrap of validation, so they know you are a sexual being who fancies them.

The trick is to show tentative interest, as in you like them but aren't totally sold yet. Don't go out of your way to impress and for once give THEM the chance to sincerely win you over.

In order to pull this off successfully, you have to feel 100% comfortable with yourself and approach with the unshakeable confidence that you will always get what you want from any interaction, be it a number, sex, or a learning experience.

Things get so much easier once you learn to flip the game and get these women seeking your stamp of approval instead of the other way around. The big question, as always, is how???

There are many things you can do, but before I get into that, there is a major don't that should be brought to light.

DOUBTS ARE WORTHLESS ILLUSIONS

If you ever feel insecure or unworthy around a pretty gal, then it's high time you kicked that negative crap to the curb, took a deep breath and realized that most of these chicks put so much effort in their appearances because they are only trying to mask their insecurities.

The status you place on them is also an illusion. Though they pretend to be annoyed by it, the truth is that they thrive off the daily validation offered to them by anonymous men. I was always baffled by this behavior.

They have the nerve to complain about horny guys in the street as they squeeze into skin-tight jeans and strap on their Wonder-Bras. Is it any wonder we have had so much trouble understanding them, when they rarely make any sense?

THE WOMAN'S PRIZE

For ages men have been scratching their heads, trying to figure out what it is that these crazy women really want. Is it money? Power? Prestige?

Well for starters, let's not get delusional here. A secluded internet nerd who acts like a chooser will not go very far. You must be attractive to attract!

Sure, there are plenty of ladies who would lower their standards for a rich or powerful man with zero looks or personality. But unless you live the solid gold lifestyle and don't mind dealing with gold-diggers, it's time to focus on what women are really looking for...

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT

Every girl, from her first romantic fantasies, dreams of a mysterious adventurer who will jump-start her mundane world and make her feel more intensely than ever before. This emotional instinct is something very alien to our logical minds.

All we want is a sweet piece of tail that will bring us a sandwich afterwards, and we are totally at a loss when we see a beautiful woman (who could have anyone she wanted) end up with a major jerk who mistreats or beats her. The truth is that, jerk or not, he is fulfilling a deep emotional need... to be punished, hurt, anything to make her FEEL because emotion is the way in which a woman establishes her reality.

Let's face it fellas, ladies love drama, and if you are not a great author of your own life, then you will fail to intrigue them! It is sad that some men choose to exploit these emotional weaknesses with pain and intimidation, because it's a huge waste of energy and everyone loses in the end.

If you really want a woman to fantasize about you for the rest of her natural life, then you must touch that emotional spot with Excitement, Inspiration and Compassion.

EXCITEMENT

When you live life to its fullest, there is no need to perform for the sake of winning favor. People will be drawn to you naturally because you possess that certain something they find attractive but can't quite figure out.

Banish worry and doubt from your thought patterns because they never help and always hold you back. Be imaginative in everything you do and open your eyes to see all of the great, funny and interesting things that make life worth living.

Behind the most boring everyday rituals, there are simple pleasures to be enjoyed and great stories waiting to be told... if you can't see this then what you need is a change of perspective.

If possible, try to get some traveling under your belt. Nothing will give you a greater sense of perspective and appreciation for your world than alien rituals, cultures, and environments. Traveling has helped me in so many aspects of my life, that I get restless if I stay in one place for too long, and can't figure out how people can settle for the throbbing monotony around them.

Each day is on opportunity for adventure, so even if it means going to a different part of town, get out of the tired old cycles that are weighing you down and get some fresh energy in your life.

Another facet of excitement is spontaneity and decisiveness. In a sense you must learn to sweep yourself off your own feet before you can do it for her. The world rarely sticks to your plans anyway, so you are better off rolling with the punches and yes, even enjoying the unexpected twists in the road.

There is a Spanish expression that I love so much, it has become my motto...

"Nunca te acostaras sin saber una cosa mas."

It means "Never go to sleep at night without knowing something new." Apply this to your own life and it will naturally extend to your romantic approach.

Women absolutely adore a man who will grab their hand and say, "Tonight we are going someplace special and you are going to LOVE it!" Anticipation, wonder and surprise are your allies in this game, so take her places she has never been before and teach her something, because people never forget their first time.

Your goal is to have them thinking, "Who IS this man?"

Remember that the moment they stop wondering about you is when the boredom sets in and that pretty much means Game Over.

INSPIRATION

Be aware of your potential and believe in your ability to fulfill it. This is the best gift you can give yourself. It is also a wonderful thing to share with a woman who you also feel has greatness within her.

The bottom line is that we all want to feel like we matter... that our lives have some kind of meaning. This is why dreams are the most powerful part of my screening process. I love to ask what they envisioned for the future as a child, the type of future they are anticipating today, etc. What a girl wants out of life will tell you more about her than anything else. This helps me weed out the boring ones who are more concerned with "American Idol" than their own lives.

Once I find out what she dreams of, I do one of two things. If she is on the right path, I express my sincere admiration because it is rare to find people who live life on their own terms, and I have great interest in anyone who does this.

More often than not, unfortunately, I encounter a woman who has given up on her life in a sense. In this case, I do my best to reinforce the fact that she is totally capable of realizing her potential by showing her that, despite the people who called me crazy along the way, I have worked hard to fulfill my own destiny.

You would be surprised how few people actually encourage these things nowadays. It's not a seduction ploy either. I really believe that we all have so much to offer, yet so few of us have the balls to defy convention until someone believes in us.

I have ex-girlfriends who I haven't seen in years, but they are still head over heels in love with me because I made them see all they had to offer the world and how stunningly beautiful they were beneath the surface. And ain't that all anyone really wants... to feel worthy, desired and powerful?

COMPASSION

I can't stress this enough, but learn to be a good listener!

The worst thing you can do is feign interest or simply "uh-huh" someone to death. People appreciate insight from an outsider's perspective and deep down we are all looking for someone who gives a damn about our problems.

This is not to say that you should be the emotional tampon. The instant a girl starts to complain about her life, job, friends, etc. I remind her that she always has the choice to change any of these things and sometimes we can't embrace a better future if we are holding onto a crappy past just cause it's comfortable. At first I sympathize with them and show I am on their side, until I can see how they make themselves suffer needlessly, at which point I get them to laugh at how silly they are being.

Transmuting worry and doubt into laughter is one of the most powerful things you can do for a woman. I know it sounds crazy, but females have this innate necessity to make themselves crazy and then be pacified by you in order to experience a wide range of emotions.

Though it drives me nuts sometimes, I have to admit, the sex is quite enjoyable after such episodes because there is so much more that the two of you are expressing. This might seem annoying at times, but I actually find it adorable how they overcomplicate their lives and are desperate for someone to come along and make things simple for them.

On an instinctual level, they want you to shake them up emotionally, which is why you want to reduce their stress to peace and vanquish boredom with excitement.

It should be noted that some women, no matter how hot or great they seem, might not be compatible with you on this energetic level. Two uptight and paranoid people will drive each other crazy and two laidback folks will probably get bored very quickly. Nature dictates that we experience an abundance of energy when two extremes collide and find balance. As my mom always said, "There is someone for everyone."

CONCLUSION

The most important step you can take to getting what you want out of life is actually deciding what that something is.

Seduction is not so much about being a one-man circus to get a piece of tail, as it is about seducing the universe into materializing your desires. This applies to your career, your physical being, and your sexuality.

Even if it seems stupid, write down your vision of an ideal job, body and mate. Make a list of the things that you want to change and the possible methods of doing so.

One of the biggest turn-offs for a woman is a wishy-washy man, and you would do yourself a great service to eliminate the words "I don't know" from your vocabulary. It is better to err on the side of daring, rather than caution, because this is the only way to change your life for the better.

I suppose you could try to fake these attitudes I have outlined with nothing more than a few daily self-affirmations, but personal experience has taught me that only when you truly see yourself as a winner, will you feel legitimized to score a "10". And your actions, not your words, will determine how you see yourself.

The old saying rings true my friends, beggars really can't be choosers. The beauty of it all is that until the day we die, we always have the choice to be either one.