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Newly Divorced or Separated Women

by Sixamrunner

Newly divorced/separated women are exponentially more complicated and profoundly more difficult to figure out than "normal" women. It goes beyond that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" thing. Itís more like "Men are from Mars and these women are from some alternate dimension on Hellís doorstep."

To begin with, any woman in this situation is a wounded animal. The big question is, what kind of wounded animal is she?

Is she a wounded kitten? Or is she a wounded lion? One responds well to cuddling and affection, the other will rip your guts out. The problem here is, she could be either, both or neither all in the same day.

Just be ever-vigilant and watch for any signs that may indicate itís time to back off. Donít do a disappearing act... just get out of the kill zone.

The other thing most of these women go through is something I call "The First Ride at Disneyland Syndrome." Think about it. You go to Disneyland and you get on the first ride. Itís fun. You enjoy it. But do you want to keep going on the same ride again and again, never experiencing the others? No. Of course not.

Same thing with a newly divorced/separated woman. Eventually, sheís going to have sex with someone. Itís fun. She enjoys it. But do you think sheís going to stop with the first ride? No. Of course not. Sheís going to want to hit all the rides at Disneyland.

If youíre around when that happens, sheíll hit your ride, too. If youíre in love with her, itíll tear you apart. Youíll make love to her... What the hell else are you going to do? But you wonít be able to hold her, and itíll drive you crazy. Youíll walk around with your stomach balled up in knots every time you think about her, but then, thatís nothing new. Itís happening already, isnít it?

It gets real tough at this point. You have to let her run. You HAVE to. Donít reveal your true feelings, and whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you love her. If you have to bite your tongue until it bleeds, donít do it. Hold on too tight, appear to care too much, and sheíll be gone for good.

But you still have to show some token interest. At some point, sheíll get through this phase and seek stability in her life. If youíre lucky, this period will pass quickly. When itís over, you want her to recognize you as the one man who stood by her when her life was in turmoil.

Then, let her pursue you. Make her do the work to establish the relationship. Donít make her work TOO hard, but hard enough to feel as though sheís accomplished something of value when she finally "wins" you.

All you have to do is maintain your sanity, which I guarantee you, my friend, will be no easy task. I hope sheís worth it.

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