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Newly Divorced or Separated Women

by Sixamrunner

Newly divorced/separated women are exponentially more complicated and profoundly more difficult to figure out than "normal" women. It goes beyond that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" thing. It’s more like "Men are from Mars and these women are from some alternate dimension on Hell’s doorstep."

To begin with, any woman in this situation is a wounded animal. The big question is, what kind of wounded animal is she?

Is she a wounded kitten? Or is she a wounded lion? One responds well to cuddling and affection, the other will rip your guts out. The problem here is, she could be either, both or neither all in the same day.

Just be ever-vigilant and watch for any signs that may indicate it’s time to back off. Don’t do a disappearing act... just get out of the kill zone.

The other thing most of these women go through is something I call "The First Ride at Disneyland Syndrome." Think about it. You go to Disneyland and you get on the first ride. It’s fun. You enjoy it. But do you want to keep going on the same ride again and again, never experiencing the others? No. Of course not.

Same thing with a newly divorced/separated woman. Eventually, she’s going to have sex with someone. It’s fun. She enjoys it. But do you think she’s going to stop with the first ride? No. Of course not. She’s going to want to hit all the rides at Disneyland.

If you’re around when that happens, she’ll hit your ride, too. If you’re in love with her, it’ll tear you apart. You’ll make love to her... What the hell else are you going to do? But you won’t be able to hold her, and it’ll drive you crazy. You’ll walk around with your stomach balled up in knots every time you think about her, but then, that’s nothing new. It’s happening already, isn’t it?

It gets real tough at this point. You have to let her run. You HAVE to. Don’t reveal your true feelings, and whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you love her. If you have to bite your tongue until it bleeds, don’t do it. Hold on too tight, appear to care too much, and she’ll be gone for good.

But you still have to show some token interest. At some point, she’ll get through this phase and seek stability in her life. If you’re lucky, this period will pass quickly. When it’s over, you want her to recognize you as the one man who stood by her when her life was in turmoil.

Then, let her pursue you. Make her do the work to establish the relationship. Don’t make her work TOO hard, but hard enough to feel as though she’s accomplished something of value when she finally "wins" you.

All you have to do is maintain your sanity, which I guarantee you, my friend, will be no easy task. I hope she’s worth it.

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