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What Kino Is Really All About

by DeepBlue

The common view of kino (note: kino = touching) is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you.

That is certainly true, and we're lucky we live in a time when doing kino with a woman is considered acceptable as soon as you start getting to know her. In older times, guys like Casanova had to be extraordinarily seductive with their *words* just so they could get to the point where they could begin to use kino.

But the key thing to understand about kino is that when you initiate it with a chick whom you're just getting to know, is that it isn't merely an arousing stimulus, it also challenges the barriers between you.

The presence of those invisible barriers which you both maintain in your minds is really the key difference between being lovers and strangers.

Typical AFC (clueless "nice" guy) behavior is to respect those barriers too much and to never challenge them. That by definition maintains the barriers, leaving them in place.

Doesn't matter how well he gets to know the chick, if he leaves those barriers in place he will never be her lover--THAT is why he ends up in the friend category. Because he actually reinforced the barriers instead of destroying them.

Anyway, the next level up from AFC is to realize that you have to crumble those barriers, so you work on them, but you're still leery about causing any anxiety, and still a bit nervous about challenging the barriers. So you look for excuses to touch, or you reach out and caress her but it has a slightly rushed quality because you're trying to mask some underlying nervousness.

Ultimately where you want to get to is the point where you recognize that for a woman, the experience of having you challenging the barriers is not ONLY a source of anxiety for her, but is also a source of EXCITEMENT.

And the idea is to shift the balance so that she experiences more excitement than anxiety.

Ever see a baby fall down? Notice how they don't know whether to laugh it off or cry so they look to their parents to see the parents face? If the parent frowns with concern then the baby starts crying. If the parent smiles, the baby starts laughing.

Same with women. When you are entering new territory with a woman by challenging the "touch barriers" between you and her, then you have to do it calmly and confidently and that CAUSES her to experience it as exciting. If you do it nervously she'll experience it as something that isn't right and that makes her uncomfortable.

One of the best ways to show confidence is to do it slowly, instead of rushing it. Nervous people rush things to mask their nervousness.

Nervous people also look away, so you calmly make eye contact. And nervous people look serious, so be sure to smile a lot.

Nervous people also make their voice tense, so you make yours relaxed, and make your posture very open and relaxed rather than being closed and tense.

All these things will convey confidence causing her mind to interpret your touch as a source of excitement, rather than a source of anxiety.

The more you understand (and vicariously feel) the way your touch EXCITES her, the more you will naturally become confident about doing it.

Besides conveying confidence, the other thing you need to do with kino is to strike a balance so it isn't either too challenging, nor too tame.

As you start slowly caressing her--her hand or her arm or her waist or back, or maybe feeling her cheek or her hair with your hand--the ideal to strive for is that you want to keep her gently balanced on the very edge of being too excited, so it is never too much for her to handle, nor so mild that it becomes tame.