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More Confident Persistence

by The Main Event

The following tip is actually a follow-up posted on the Don Juan Discussion Forum by someone known as "The Main Event." It was in responses to an article I wrote a while back called "Confident Persistence." TME did a nice job, so I've included it here as a tip.

I recommend that you read the original article first, before reading this tip. It's here:

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/at/persistence.htm


Many women are spoilt for choice. They can afford to take their time deciding about a particular guy, even if he is their type.

What does that mean for you?

Back in your days as an amorphous and insecure chump, it meant that you were going to panic, wonder what's not pleasing her, change seven or eight fundamental character traits, get a new wardrobe, change to a new religion... all in the hopes of fixing up whatever perceived or real flaw was discouraging her. Hell, you might even have considered supporting a different football team if you thought that would help.

All of which is un...un...cool.

Those of you with a bit of experience... Think of six women who you initially thought may have liked you... then you had your doubts... then suddenly she ran for the hills whenever she saw you walking in her general direction.

Been there. Done that. Oh so very glad to have left it all behind.

I can practically guarantee that at least four of those six examples are instances of you not getting the result you expected right away, descending into a state of panic, and shattering whatever aura of confidence you had managed to exhibit.

They are instances of persistence... chump style. They involve supplicating, panicking and making haphazard and ineffective changes to your approach or your personality.

What they are *not* are examples of "confident persistence".

That leads to the question...

"What would confidence persistence look like?"

And it's a valid question. Because when you talk about it in general terms, "confident persistence" is just a hollow expression... an umbrella of air. We need concrete examples.

In your mind... Go back to one of those women. Make it your favorite one; the lesson will be more vivid.

Fast-forward to the point where your initial feelings of "yeah... she wants me bad" became feelings of "she's behaving a little ambivalently... what's going on here?"

This girl is hot, and her only crime is to be a little hesitant. It's not as if she has deliberately set out to hurt your feelings. If she were to suddenly make up her mind and jump into bed with you, I don't think you'd hold a few days of wavering against her.

So I'm going to assume that you'd rather have her than next her.

But we know from your real-life example that suddenly coming on hard, abruptly trying to correct every minor flaw that may or may not have offended her and generally behaving like a second-class citizen didn't help.

Play it through in your mind, asking yourself, "Now that I'm a Don Juan, what would I do to get her interest up to the point that it appeared to be at when I first met her?"

I don't know what conclusion you're going to come to... but here's mine. This is based on ultimately getting two different girls who had at first appeared interested but then had me scratching my head.

So, in my experience:

Stick to what you did when you first met her, and what you were doing when her interest started to wilt. This is one of those rare situations where continuing to do the same thing yields different results.

That's not as counter-intuitive as it sounds. You know that the advice on these boards works. Let me put it another way: what you read here is designed to trigger certain sub-conscious reactions that are general to all women. That means that it's as close as you'll ever come to a "right way to act". By following advice you read here you're maximizing your chances with a given girl.

If you're very clever, you'll be scratching your head right now. "If it's the best way to act, then why ain't it working?"

Good question. I'll match it with what I hope is a good answer.

It's the best way to behave, but it's not going to suddenly turn you into an uber-handsome, uber-rich, ultra-fashionable stud. It's just one piece of the puzzle.

In my experience, women are actually a lot more methodological about dating than most of the advice here suggest. It's like a calculus... "I *feel* really attracted to him and he's really handsome... *but* he's not very rich and he has bad table manners and he cleans toilets for a living and my friends probably won't like him".

She'll balance the two sides of the equation and do her best to come to the right conclusion. No matter how much a woman likes you, she's always contemplating the possibility that she could do better.

From what I've said, it might sound like a fixed equation... but it's not. Apart from the ingredients that can change gradually over time (I'm talking here about income, looks, et cetera), you can have a big impact into how you make her feel. This component is driven largely by your conduct towards her.

If she's wavering, and your spine suddenly turns to jelly so you give her seven phone calls and a dozen roses, she's going to think "wimp... hmph!", the equation is going to swing massively in the direction of firm disinterest, and you'd better hope you have a few other phone numbers lined up.

That's a sad ending. I'm more of a happy ending type of guy, so let's talk about that possibility I raised before... about doing the same thing to get different results.

The trick here is that, while you're behaving in the same manner as before, her perception of your behavior is shifting.

In her mind, several things are happening:

# You're showing consistency. Your behavior is driven by your personality or upbringing, rather than being calibrated against her mood swings. You're the real deal--and the real deal, my friend, is a very attractive thing.

# She can see that your confidence is real. There's always some doubt in a girl's mind when a guy comes up brimming with charm and seemingly on top of the world. He could just be putting on an act, or his friend might have told him that this is attractive behavior, or... *gasp* he could have read it on a dating advice forum. Fancy that.

If she can destroy you by taking too long to respond to a phone call or ignoring an email, your confidence was obviously just all show. If you're unaffected by her behavior, your confidence is all go.

# If you're not reacting to her, then chances are she's not the center of your world. The benefits of her thinking this have been discussed already... ad nauseum and ad infinitum.

I have attempted to make this a consolidation and rationalization of the theory behind confident persistence. If I may say so myself, I think it's fairly comprehensive. It's consistent with my experience in this area as well as my broader experience with women.

There is one other thing that I have to mention. It's a point hinted at in the original article, and one that has been raised since. I still want to reiterate it. There is a big, thick black line between continuing to follow a winning formula with a girl who has yet to come to her senses on the one hand and haphazardly changing tactics and hounding a disinterested girl who has made her disinterest crystal clear on the other.

Some people choose to blur that line, or even pretend it doesn't exist. Don't. This advice is not here to give you false hope with the girl of your dreams who secretly wishes you would swallow a cyanide pill and be gone from her life for good. It's over. She's not interested, and this won't make her interested.

Follow the advice in this post... and apply it the way it's meant to be applied. Don't go developing interpretations that you very well know were not intended.