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Dealing with Your Fear of Girls

by De La Soul

The first step to overcoming fear is always the same: recognize your fear as fear.

Once you realize that you are afraid, you are free to deal with it. Once you know what you are dealing with, you can handle it.

Dealing with fear isn't easy. There is no complete solution to overcoming fear - we will always have it. The extent of fear, however, can be changed.

As stated above, the first step is recognition of your fear. For example, if you are in a situation where you see a hot girl who you would like to get to know but you can't bring yourself to approach, you have to recognize that you are AFRAID of approaching.

I know, it's not rocket science, but a lot of people (even you) do not go through the process of having the COURAGE to call fear "fear". They may call it "anxiety", "stress", "pressure", or any number of other words. But in the end it all boils down to fear.

Fear usually originates from childhood. When you were 8, you learned from your mom, from TV, from movies, and from songs a few simple, but very destructive myths about women:

* It is rude/weird to touch them -- the basis of our fear of KINO.

* The key to getting women is to treat them like queens -- the basis of our fear of showing flamboyant confidence around women.

* You should always avoid confrontation with a woman at all costs -- the basis of our fear to approach.

* If a woman really likes you, she will approach you -- another basis of our fear to approach.

* Hot women only go for really muscular or pretty-boy guys -- yet another basis of our fear to approach.

* Women really want an honest, straightforward guy -- the basis of our fear of being a challenge.

* Women want a dependable guy -- the basis of our fear to be exciting and unpredictable.

Once again, all of the above are myths.

So, how do we get over our fears? We recognize them as fears. Then we rationalize them. "Is fear warranted here?" This is the key. Look at yourself from an objective point of view. If you can do this successfully, you will be able to look at your situation with much more clarity and wisdom.

Say, for example, that you are afraid to kiss a girl on your first date. Rationalize: Think of the facts. Only of the facts. Try to see through your negative emotions (which cloud your vision). The facts probably are:

1. She has accepted the date. Therefore she must have a reasonably high interest level.

2. The only way she can hurt me, is emotionally, and I have complete control of my emotions.

3. I can always gracefully walk away after trying.

Result: All systems go. Go for the kiss. Very good chance of getting it.


YOU DO HAVE ANOTHER OPTION TO FACING FEAR: Don't think at all, just act on positive emotions and desires. Far simpler, a lot quicker.

Comes up with the same results; and the best part is: you feel so empowered. Basically, you just charge forward acting on pure instinct (but disregarding all negativity). It's that easy.

So, in summary, the two best ways of facing fear are:

Rationalizing:

Recognize that you are afraid. Isolating the reason for your fear. Think of the bare facts. Act on them.

Instincts:

Recognize that you are afraid. Act purely on POSITIVE instincts.

The result of both: come off silky smooth, and confident. AS IF you have no fear.

But of course, you know better... we all have fear, but some of us know how to deal with it.