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12 Rules for Attracting Flocks of Women

by De La Soul

1) Love Life

Instead of thinking...

"Don't screw up. This could be the girl I marry. Remember to make eye contact. Use kino. Wait! Was that a dilated pupil I saw? Oh damn, I hope I didn't miss my chance. OK, be calm and confident, just make eye contact. Wait! She stopped talking! Think of something to say!"

...just go with the flow. Stop thinking and make the decision to have fun.

Women will gouge each others' eyes out to get a chance with you, if you can just learn to be fun. You're no longer obsessing over women, you're no longer trying to figure out their signs, you're no longer trying to come up with neg-hits on the spot -- you get rid of your constantly-interfering desire! Just DECIDE to chat and have fun with women.

That doesn't mean: be friends with all the women you know - HELL NO! It just means you should decide to be the sort of guy that, when people talk about you, the first thing they say is: "He is a FUN guy!"

Show your playful side, tease them, laugh, make them laugh, keep the convo light and free... it's really not that hard to be fun. If you like a woman, don't suddenly turn into some calculating player who becomes obsessed. Just keep it fun, and let her know that you're interested through your ACTIONS (never through your words!).

There's nothing more attractive to a woman than a fun man.

2) Total Self Confidence

The key to projecting confidence is to get up off your butt and start INITIATING.

Act as if you are entitled to do anything and everything in the world. From simple things like walking into a room and being the first to help yourself to the munchies on the table, to initiating conversations with strangers, to neg-hitting (if she is hot and has an aloof attitude), to initiating anything sexual with her (intense kino, a kiss, etc.).

Basically: stop waiting for others to take the lead and start doing it yourself. Confidence is even more attractive than looks.

3) Kino (affectionate touching)

Start off with brief, non-sexual touching. For example: brush your arm against hers while walking, or briefly touch her hand to emphasize a point in a conversation. If she responds positively, make it more sexual/obvious. For example: holding hands, or putting your arm around her.

Kino forces the girl to take you out of the friends zone, and plant you firmly in the sex/relationship zone.

4) Give Your Attention Sparingly

The less attention you give her, the more she will want your attention. This means not calling her (other than to set up a date), not calling a girl for at least 3 days after meeting her, not sticking by her side/only talking to her in a group situation.

The less attention you give her, the more she will want your attention. Give good attention, but give it sparingly!

5) Be Funny

Make funny observations from a different point-of-view, tell it like it is (i.e. say what everyone is thinking, but what no one is willing to say), use sarcasm, do impersonations, be creative! Most importantly, master the art of timing.

Just a few words of warning: Don't try to be funny all the time. In fact, don't try too hard at all. Don't try to re-tell "jokebook jokes" (e.g. "a man walks into a bar..."). Avoid the type of humor where you end up telling everyone about a "funny moment" unless it is DEFINITELY funny, if it's not you'll find yourself saying "Uh, you, um had to be there...."

Also, cocky and funny works extremely well. Just be a little over-confident (not arrogant, but very sure of yourself) and tease her, play with her words, and use sarcasm... make her cry with laughter, but don't become annoying!

Women want a man who, more than anything else, is fun.

6) Take Pride in Your Appearance

Wear a clean, ironed shirt (not necessarily a button-up shirt). Use cologne. Keep breath mints with you. Keep your hair under control or use gel. Generally avoid caps/hats. In my experience women are more attracted to clean-shaven guys. Avoid digital watches. Wear pants which match your shoes in style (jeans/khakis with relaxed shoes, more formal pants with better shoes). Never wear all one color (e.g. completely orange/red/blue) except for a nice black shirt with black pants with polished black shoes. And don't feel the need to wear socks in summer.

In general, keep it relaxed but stylish. Good looks are what will get you initial attraction.

7) Be Positive

This is extremely important. Smile, laugh, laugh at yourself, and DON'T COMPLAIN unless completely necessary. In general, avoid being negative because no one likes being around an unhappy person.

Moods are infectious. If you are obviously happy, the people around you will generally become happy too, and we're all searching for happiness.

8) Maintain Good Living Conditions

Keep your house or apartment clean and odor free. Stock up on food basics, magazines, classic books, hygiene products, clean towels, condoms, and all the other DJ essentials. Just like good grooming, a well kept living area is attractive.

9) Smile

There is no better way to say "Hey, I'm happy, and I accept you." Don't stare, but look a woman right in the eye and smile at her. It conveys warmth and makes her feel good about herself. A smile is a powerful weapon: you can break ice with it.

10) Have other Options

Don't always be available! If she wants to do something with you, don't always accept. Say that you already had dinner planned with another woman (if you are not in an exclusive relationship), or that you're going to a bar with your buddies. Let her know about the other women in your life.

If she thinks that you are not desperate to be with her, and have many other friends (particularly women), her desire level will increase ten fold.

11) Get a Job and Have Ambition

A job has sooo many pluses: money in the wallet, new friends, forging new connections, money in the wallet, more confidence, money in the wallet. And just the very process of going for a job and being declined is good for getting used to rejection and getting out of your comfort zone.

But it's not good enough to be content with having a job! Write down a list of things you want to achieve in your life and aim to complete a certain number each year. These things can be as simple as: "to go to the Super Bowl", and "to go bungee-jumping", to "I want to become the President".

Ambition makes you more interesting and attractive, and just gives you something more to talk about. Ambition is sexy.

12) Listen

If you really want to keep a conversation going, just listen to what is being said. You'll get little clues all over the place for what to say next. For example:

You: So what are you up to this weekend?

Girl: Ummm, well I'm hoping to go to a few clubs, hang out with a few friends for coffee - ya know, the usual stuff.

At this point she has already given you a lot of clues for what to say next: you could ask: Do you go to clubs often? What clubs do you go to? What music do you like? Who are your friends? Etc.

If you're an effective conversationalist, you'll pick up on the many clues in each statement, if you're not, you'll just say something like: "Ok, cool. Sounds good."

A final point: Talk less than 50% of the time. Try to make it a 40:60 talk:listen ratio. Also, chiming in with "me-too" statements helps to keep the convo flowing, and makes her feel connected to you. For example:

Her: I love clubbing.

You: Me too, I love just getting out there with friends. What clubs do you go to usually?

Women often comment that there's nothing sexier than a guy who listens.


I'll finish by emphasizing #1. If you can only take one thing away from this tip, make it #1. It genuinely is the most attractive quality a person can have. Not only will you attract herds of women, you will actually enjoy your life.