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Where Are All the Real Men?

by Anonymous

I'm an adult, married man who stumbled upon this site. I would like to offer the young, single men out there a tip.

Have you ever heard that women want a MAN not a boy? Have you heard women complain about "Where are all the REAL men?" I bet you have. I bet you've tried to figure out how to be a man, a mature adult male of the species. Unfortunately you've probably had little to go on.

On the one hand you will see caricatured, cardboard cutout images of hyperaggressive, "macho-men" like Arnie and Stallone. You may have watched swaggering, aggressive, arrogant "I'm THE man" types and thought perhaps that is what a real man is.

On the other hand, you may have listened to some feminists complaining that men are not sensitive enough, and should be more like women, and that THAT is what a real man is.

You'll have probably been thoroughly confused.

It's not your fault. The fault is that boys and young men are no longer taught how to be men, and they are no longer shown role models who are real men.

OK, here is an excellent role model of a real man from a recent film -- Maximus from Gladiator.

Maximus is a real man, NOT because he is a good fighter, but because he is honorable, he is honest, he is in some ways humble, he is calm under pressure, he has fortitude and endurance, he is passionate but is able to control and restrain his passions, he is generous, he is friendly not surly, he has leadership qualities, he is loyal, he is decisive, he has a sense of purpose, he takes immediate action to do what is right, he is kind (and lots more), but above all he has courage.

Maximus is, in short, a man of VIRTUE in the classical Greek and Roman sense of the word. To the Greeks and Romans masculinity was not equated with might and power, but with virtue. To be a MAN was to exemplify the masculine virtues.

You probably don't know what the "masculine virtues" are. If you want to be a real man, I suggest you study, absorb, and live the lessons in these works (i.) Aristotle's "Nichomachean Ethics", (ii.) Marcus Aurelius's "Meditations", (iii.) Epicetus's "Discourses", (iv.) Cicero's "De Officus".

They are heavy going and you will need to study them carefully and think hard about what you are reading. If you find that too hard, then Tom Wolfe's novel "A Man in Full" is about the type of philosophy found in such books.

A strange thing happens to you when you start to discipline yourself to acquire the habits associated with the masculine virtues.

You start to automatically walk taller and with a more relaxed and open posture. Your project your voice naturally and easily. You enjoy being yourself and being in the world more. You smile more and more easily. You start to see that you are truly different from most of the people around you, but you will instantly recognize the men like you.

A funny thing will happen to you around attractive women. You will no longer treat them as near-celebrities, the idea that they are better than other people will start to seem ridiculous to you. In fact, you will start to feel a mild disdain toward the more arrogant women.

One of the best things about becoming a real man is that you will recognize, be attracted to, and attract real women, women with the feminine virtues. And when you meet them, you won't hesitate.