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Make Her Think She Has Something To Lose

by James Smith

I was at a bar once and I spotted a hot looking woman. I approached her to pick her up only to have her tell me she just got there and does not want to be bothered, she does not give out her number, and to try to talk to her later if she has the time.

She said she wants to be cautious about meeting people and does not allow herself to so freely open up or give out her number.

I saw her a few times during my time at the bar - each time with a different guy having a blast.

So near the end of the night I figured I have nothing to lose so I went up to her and said, "I am leaving now. I guess we never did get a chance to connect and have a totally passionate love affair."

She looked stunned. I gave her my number.

A week went by, she called and apologized for her rude behavior in the bar and for taking so long to call me. We ended up going out and having a blast together.

Although we never ended up having a relationship, because her rudeness re-emerged later, we still had a blast going out.

But I kept thinking about why this worked and if I could repeat whatever I did I could be very successful.

The answer came to me 5 months later as I was reading about the Scarcity Principle and its effectiveness in influencing behavior. The principle says that the more scarce something is, then more valuable that something seems to actually become.

What makes things even more valuable is when they are at first plentiful, but then are taken away or reduced in amounts later. People therefore seem to be more influenced by the possibility of loss rather than opportunity for gain.

So the idea is to make someone think they have something already, or the potential to have something great, and if they do not act or take advantage of what you suggest, they may lose it forever.

It is also advisable to structure your argument in terms of prevention of loss rather than opportunity for gain (i.e. "If you do not drink your milk, your teeth will fall out" rather than "Drink your milk to have stronger teeth.")

This is why my initially disinterested lady turned around and became interested and agreed to go out with me. Through my comment I indicated to her that we could have a great time and a passionate affair, and if we do not connect we may lose a great opportunity.

Fearing the loss of something that she may already have, she acted on her fear of loss -- called me, apologized, and agreed to go out with me.

So now what I do when I meet a new lady is I say...

"You and I could have a blast going out. It would be a shame if we never had the opportunity to do that." or

"It would be great if we exchanged numbers since otherwise we may lose a great opportunity to see each other again."

If she says she is busy, not interested, does not date men she meets at wherever you met her, has a boyfriend, or whatever, I say...

"You know I could be the guy with whom you can have the greatest time of your life, but by your reluctance you could forever lose this opportunity and never have a chance to find out." or

"You have no idea how great of a time we could have and how much fun we could have together with each other. It would be a shame if we lost that opportunity forever." or

"You say that you just want to be friends, but you and I could have one of the world's greatest romances. But you would never experience that and lose it forever since you only want to be just friends." or

"You say you do not want to take me up to your apartment tonight because you will feel guilty in the morning. But you and I could have one of the greatest nights making love, and you could feel great in the morning, but you will lose the opportunity to find out if we do not...."

And on and on.

Now simply describing a benefit is not as effective in that when you describe a benefit people automatically begin to think of possible drawbacks to what you suggest. They want to revert back to their average and normal perception of their reality. And by describing a benefit, you are going above their average experience.

To bring themselves back to their average they need to think of negative drawbacks. This very often prevents people from taking advantage of what you offer unless they are prime and ready right then and there, which is usually the case where their current condition has taken them below their mental average.

Most people are even keel though, and to get around this problem you can make it seem as if they already have something great, or have the chance to gain some great benefit, but stand to lose it if they do not act.

Thus making it seem that their inaction or disinterest or reluctance has them below their average. They need to act to take themselves back to their average reality.

My success rate on getting women to go out with me has increased about 40% while my ability to turn around unsure and flaking women has doubled.

Think of all the women you could lose by not trying out these methods. They could all be out there waiting for you, but you will never know by sitting around continuing to do what you are doing.