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Why You Have No Confidence With Women

by Joseph

What is confidence?

It is the attitude you have around people you trust, people who you know won't hurt you or make a fool out of you if you let your guard down.

A shy child is one who is excessively mistrusting of people.

Shyness = mistrust; confidence = trust.

When you mistrust someone, your body language says that you are protecting yourself from an anticipated attack. You tense up, your shoulders hunch up, you turn away slightly, you breath in and hold your breath, you clench your jaw, you knit your brows slightly, you clench your hands slightly - you steel yourself against being hurt.

When you do this, you are vibing mistrust at the person you are interacting with, you are actually rejecting them! The sad irony is, when you are steeled against rejection, you vibe mistrust and so you get mistrust back at you, and are rejected.

When you trust someone, your attitude is one of acceptance, rather than resistance. Your eyebrows raise, your mouth relaxes, your face opens up, your shoulders drop, you turn toward them. In fact, acceptance is signaled by a release of tension, a sigh or a shrug.

Have you ever had a girl beside you before the ice is broken, and the tension is very high, and you say "Hi" and she lets out her breath and drops her head in a sort of a "I give up" way and turns toward you? That's acceptance behavior. It is the same as receptivity (i.e., what you are looking for as a DJ).

Now, to vibe trust as someone, you have to vibe acceptance. How do you do this? Well, you have to learn to do it spontaneously by experience.

This is why working through rejections is no good at all. Your subconscious learns to expect rejection, you vibe mistrust, and it gets worse.

Rather, you should take "granny steps" and systematically take bigger and bigger risks starting very small (i.e., talking to say, an elderly, building up to more and more attractive and suitable women only talking to them with no intention of follow up, building an experience of not being knocked back, and gradually learning to trust women).

The further you go, the more you will vibe trust and hence "confidence".

Incidentally, this is why many of the attitudes toward women on these boards are pernicious and harmful. If you think of women as users, game-players, etc., you will mistrust them, vibe mistrust, and be rejected. (Remember, being mistrusted is an insult! How do you feel when someone doesn't trust you!)

You have to cultivate the attitude of acceptance: accept women's invitations and receptivity AND accept their requests for space.