The Lessons I've Learned
Since finding this site earlier this year, I have learned an awful lot. I learned a lot by reading this site each day, as well as other sites and ebooks on seduction, but I have also been out into the real world to field test ideas.
I have had successes, but I've also made a lot of mistakes, and I have decided to write an article on what lessons I can learn from them. This will help me organize things in my head a bit more clearly as well as perhaps be of use to some of you other developing DJs out there.
So here goes...
1. Opportunities to Pick Up Girls
I realized I would miss so many opportunities to approach girls. I would make some excuse to myself as to why I shouldn't approach, that I'd wait until a "better" opportunity came along. I guess I was hoping that the "perfect" opportunity would arise and then I'd be able to approach no problem.
But the perfect opportunity never came.
(By "perfect" I mean all the right signals from her, nobody else around watching, girl who isn't in a group or with friends, etc... all lame excuses.)
Lesson learned: There is no such thing as a perfect opportunity, only lots of chances to meet girls that you must grab immediately and turn them into an opportunity for you.
2. Inner Confidence
I would often go out to practice my approaches, and I'd be all pumped up, confident and ready for action. Then I'd miss several opportunities (as I mentioned above) and my mindset would go downhill.
I'd then get mad at myself, fear/panic would set in and I'd kind of "outpsyche" myself. I'd then not feel confident enough to do any approaches.
I have now learned my lesson: When you go out to pick up girls, you must get the ball rolling as soon as possible. Don't chicken out on the first few opportunities and hope that you'll approach when you feel better. No, no, no! You must start approaching immediately, so that negative thoughts do not take over, and you will feel fine after the first approach or two.
Number 2 above is linked to hesitation, but I've also found that if I hesitate, the girl goes away and then I am left wondering what might have happened if I had approached.
So the lesson learned here is: Whenever you see your opportunity, don't wait. Approach as soon as possible otherwise she will be gone forever.
4. Feeling Like You Are Out of Place or Everyone Is Watching You
Have you ever been out picking up girls, and felt that all eyes were on you or something similar? Well let me tell you, I have too. And it feels awful.
I am not talking about lack of confidence to approach girls here. I'm talking about simply feeling ill at ease in the place you're in because you know you've gone out specifically to do pickups.
Well, I have often felt like this, but then I thought to myself, "do I look at other people on the street/in the bar/etc. and think 'he/she looks ill at ease or out of place'?" The answer is No! I couldn't care less what others think/feel because I am concerned with MYSELF. Therefore, others do not care or notice your "ill at easeness" because it is simply ALL IN YOUR MIND.
Lesson learned: Don't worry about these sorts of feelings -- nobody is watching you, nobody cares, so just do your approaches. You are not doing anything wrong. This is the most natural thing in the world and you are above all the average guys out there who are living in their comfort zones. This bad feeling is all in the mind.
5. Fear and Comfort Zones
I would go out a lot and I would subconsciously be thinking "why is this so difficult?" or "why is it so hard to push through fear?" I have realized that EVERYBODY lives in their own "comfort zone", which is determined from past programming. To do something outside of your comfort zone, such as approaching a girl and starting a conversation, involves PUSHING THROUGH THE FEAR BARRIER.
Lesson learned: In order to change, you must try new things... things that are outside of your comfort zone. And in order to push outside your comfort zone you must push through the fear barrier. Only then will your comfort zone expand and you can conquer that fear. What you used to fear will now be within your comfort zone and you will no longer fear it.
No, I'm not talking about criminal convictions here! I'm talking about doing everything with regards to seduction with conviction (i.e. giving 100% AT ALL TIMES and not doing it half heartedly).
A lot of the times I've approached girls, the nerves would be flying all around my body and I'd kind of hesitate in conversation, not do enough eye contact, or hold back my cocky and funny, etc. I guess it's kind of like dipping your hand into something you're not sure about, such as water that is quite hot -- you dip your hand in cautiously, then maybe pull it back, but then you realize the water isn't that hot so you eventually dip your hand in without worrying.
Seduction is kind of similar. You don't know how the girl will react, and your nerves and fear are kicking in. So you kind of "dip in" cautiously. But this will only backfire, because you will come across as less confident, and therefore less of a man, and your chances with her will diminish.
So the lesson this time is: Even if you are nervous (and we all are to begin with!), just dig in and give 100% to every pickup you do. Don't worry about the outcome, just concentrate on giving everything to this seduction. And then whatever happens, you know you have done your part and if she rejects you then too bad for her.
I hope this tip has been useful.