posted 09-19-2000 04:23 PM            

Where I worked at, there were a couple of women who all the guys wanted. These women had initial interest in the guys mentioned above (and as you can imagine, those guys had quite a bit of interest in them). So the guys moved in for the kill. They unleashed their charm, their wit, their humor to get the women they so desperately desired.

In the end, both women had ditched these guys and went out with me.

So what happened? How could guys with more experience, confidence, wit, and looks be shot down by the most in-demand women in the area? And how could someone like me (who lacks in these certain areas) succeed when such smooth ladies-men fail?

It all has to do with patience. These guys failed because they came on entirely too strong, too fast. After a couple of dates, they wanted to marry the person. Though they were smooth, they could not hold back their desire for a girlfriend. The women sensed this and recoiled from them instantly.

Women, on initial dates, just simply want to have fun and have a good time. Men can throw too much affection too soon, too fast, and scare the woman off. Women find this as 'desperation'. It is the ultimate turn-off to them.

Patience is NOT inaction nor 'chickening' out. Not asking out a woman you're interested in is not being patient but being stupid. Patience is controlling your eagerness.

Have fun with the woman. Don't take your outings so seriously. A woman must feel comfortable and secure with you before intimacy can begin. The key to her feeling comfortable and secure is by having fun WITH YOU.

Patience is also outstanding at ATTRACTING women too. Those Mr. Smooth men I knew would be there at a second one of the women called their names. If she said, "Hi, [Mr. Smooth Dude's Name]" they would stop what they were doing and talk. I, on the other hand, simply greeted them back and KEPT WALKING. The Mr. Smooth men came across as eager and desperate by always willing to stop whatever they were doing to chit chat while I gave the impression of 'importance' and 'hard to obtain' by controlling my eagerness.

Older women (who are married and in their 40s, 50s) have told me that one of the most common mistakes guys can make is trying to jump into a strong relationship after only a couple of dates. They said that women simply want to have fun and that if the guy smothers her with affection, she will distance herself. After all, who wants to be with someone that appears eager and desperate?

Now I must choose between one of the two women I'm going out with (yes, going out with both). The Mr. Smooth guys now come TO ME and ask, "What's your secret? How were you able to get BOTH of them?" and I just smile.

posted 09-19-2000 10:37 PM            

EXACTLY!

posted 09-20-2000 07:22 AM            

Patience is important.
Somewhere I read the following comparison :

For women affections/emotions can compared with sex for a man.

If a man dates a woman, and he gets into her panties after 1 or 2 dates, he will consider her as a beetch/slut and will probably loose his interest for her.

If a woman dates a man, and he tells her how much he loves her after 1 or 2 dates, she will consider him as an "emotional slut" and will surely loose her interest for him.

Seems logical to me, and explains why a true DJ needs patience, and must not be desperate(="emotional slut").

posted 09-20-2000 06:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by blacksun:
If a woman dates a man, and he tells her how much he loves her after 1 or 2 dates, she will consider him as an "emotional slut" and will surely loose her interest for him.
(="emotional slut").

[This message has been edited by blacksun (edited 09-20-2000).]

---

In the words of Jim Rome, "Rack him!" (dam* good point.. props)

posted 09-20-2000 06:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by blacksun:
Seems logical to me, and explains why a true DJ needs patience, and must not be desperate

---

Personally, I think *you* could easily qualify as a master DJ...and is great advice.

posted 09-20-2000 10:16 PM            

quote:

---

Somewhere I read the following comparison :

For women affections/emotions can compared with sex for a man.

If a man dates a woman, and he gets into her panties after 1 or 2 dates, he will consider her as a beetch/slut and will probably loose his interest for her.

If a woman dates a man, and he tells her how much he loves her after 1 or 2 dates, she will consider him as an
"emotional slut" and will surely loose her interest for him.

---

I mentioned something like that in a post, ( http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/001474.html ) but you probably saw it elseware. BTW, I now disagree with what I wrote there about the girls initializing dates/romance. I have never, in my life, seen a girl initiate a date for romantic interests. Girls will flirt to tell you they are interested, guys confirm your interest by asking for their number.

Just from observation, guys seem to fall in love much, much faster then girls do. The best defense I see from falling into infatuation so soon, so fast is to have interest in other women. This will prevent the she's-the-only-one-for-me disease.

Men want sex. Women want relationships. If they make it hard for us, then why should we not make it hard for them as well?

This probably also explains why women love it when the guy waits at least 4 days to call her rather then calling her the next day.

posted 09-21-2000 05:31 AM            

Challenge - both want a challenge , men and women.

Men want the challenge of getting into the panties of a wonderful hot woman, who is decent, intelligent, super-sexy AND won't do it with each guy but only with the best.
We don't want a beetch who jumps in bed with him after the first date ( ok, there are exceptions )
We WANT to have to work on it long and hard.
We WANT to think that their hard work, intelligence, and looks got them so far.
Why ?
For our ego, our confidence, the respect we will get from our friends, who also wanted her, but didn't got her and for whom she seems to be an unreachable star.
Because we feel so good, when we have a real hard challenge and succeed.
Perhaps it's in our genes : to hunt and to collect.

some of this also applies to women :

They also want a challenge. Their aim is firstly not sex, but attention, thrill, emotions, love. ( ok, there are exceptions, too )
Of course they want sex, but only if they have someone who gives them the other elements first.
Their want the challenge of make the tuff hard man to give her attention, thrill, emotions and love.
If she get's it at the first date, same as with men : "emotional slut"
But if she has to work hard to get attention, and even more to get emotions and love, when it's a real challenge, it's the same as above with men : they will work to get it all, and they will be so happy if they get you. she will believe you, and only then, when you say her that she is someone very special for you.

posted 12-12-2001 07:08 PM            

THIAGO

posted 12-13-2001 10:16 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pook:
It all has to do with patience. These guys failed because they came on entirely too strong, too fast. After a couple of dates, they wanted to marry the person. Though they were smooth, they could not hold back their desire for a girlfriend. The women sensed this and recoiled from them instantly.

---

Oh, so true!

I almost screwed things up few days ago on a date in my place with a woman that I have been out with a couple of thimes. Talk went smoothly, we had lots of closeness and touching as we looked through photo albums, but the pursue for a goodnight kiss (a ticket out of LJBF-zone) was a mistake. God, I felt stupid!

Apparently she wants to take things slowly, but still wants something - she asked me on a date for next week: gym, swimming and a dinner at my place.

What would you do guys? Be your own self or try to be more cool and distant, make HER pursue you? Oh, I hate these games!

posted 01-29-2002 11:38 PM            

1) I didn't come on too strong. I relaxed, busied myself with something else, half-talked, half-ignored her.

2) Mentioned other women. I think that sends the message, "I'll go out with you, but I'm not going to fall in love with you."

posted 01-31-2002 04:28 PM            

Judging from personal experience, I'd be able to confirm this. Early last semester I started with this one girl by simply saying hi when I saw her before or after a class. A couple times after that she took a walk with me (she just "happened" to be going the same way I was). Next week I asked for the number, but didn't call immediately. At a concert a week later she still showed quiet interest, so I called her two weeks after I got her number and tried (failed) to get a date (she did make a counter offer but it didn't work for me).

Yet she would still show interest, in a manner quite blatant (but not when anybody else was around). A month later I tried again, but as the end of the semester was approaching, she was being overloaded with work (as I was), so we failed again. But finals week -- the very day she was going back to her town -- we finally met (by "accident"?) for a short time and we had a nice, fun, relaxed chat.

Because of her being reshuffled around the dorms when she came back, I haven't gotten her new number. However, we're getting quite close. By the way she's acting, she may have decided I'm worthy of her affections.

All this time I've kept my options open for other women, but they all seem to fall through, while she rings true every time. I should mention that this girl is VERY attractive (I've seen another guy hit on her recently), and from what I see, intelligent, mature, and affectionate; i.e., not a flake or high-maintenance (full of herself).

Also, a few days ago someone sent me an anonymous "secret admirer" card in the e-mail -- either 1) a prank, 2) this girl, or 3) some other girl who has it bad for me but I don't realize.

Anyway, my point is, let the relationship slow-cook, don't burn it to a smoking cinder!

posted 02-07-2002 12:33 AM            

quote:

---

women are like ovens

---

Easy to open and shut...

posted 02-20-2002 11:29 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by KCFlyer:
I'm not disagreeing with the need for patience in a relationship. I think that there are some great points here. But doesn't every relationship, as it progresses, require more and more time. For example, if you are in a relationship, you wouldn't wait a week to call your girlfriend. So my question is: How do you know when it's OK to start calling more? How much positive feedback do you need from the woman until you know that you can be more forward in the relationship?

---

I think Pook was referring to attracting the women and dating them, not being in a relationship. IMO, it's ok to relax the rules and do the things you mentioned once you are in a 'relationship'. But if you sense her pulling back or seeming doubtful, you need to hit the brakes and go back to what you were doing initially.