posted 05-14-2001 12:28 AM
As I've been reading about the problems and posts that soon-to-be-DJs have posted here, I've done a lot of searching in hopes that I could write a post or tip that would help out those in need. After a lot of thinking, I realized that the best thing that I could do to help out myself and others is to tell my story. If even one person out there can relate to my story, then I'll be satisfied. So here goes.
I was always a follower when it came to hanging out with my friends in high school. If I suggested something to do, it was rarely heeded as a good idea. When it came to women, I would get petrified. I don't know where it started, but I would be to nervous to start a conversation. I was never as strong or as athletic as my friends in the big sports (i.e. soccer, football, baseball). And all of my friends did sports. As you can probably guess, this was not good for my self-esteem. When I would get up the courage to ask a girl to dinner, I was usually told that I was a nice guy and that they just wanted to be friends. When I look back on some of the things I did, man, I really let women take advantage of me in the worst ways. I was the stereotypical "doormat". I had no faith in my abilities to attract women at all.
Enter college. I was definitely intimidated when I first got into college and I knew that I had to start doing something for my self-esteem or I would eek my way through life being too afraid of women to end up with anybody. So I took up weightlifting. Now I'm not a small guy: I stand 5'11 at a solid 180 pounds. And I'm not a bad looking guy. But I still would find things wrong with myself which I attributed to my lack of success with women. "My nose is too big. I'm too fat. I think I'm going bald." Anybody who has been in this situation can tell you it sucks bad. Now I'm not saying I didn't get any women. I had a few here and there, but not as many as I should have had nor the quality I wanted. The hardest person to please was myself.
Needless to say, weightlifting helped a little bit. But I still wasn't happy. I was still deathly afraid to approach a gorgous lady sitting all by herself. I can't tell you how many times I kicked myself in the a$$ for letting those opportunities pass me by (and believe me it happened a lot!). So I turned to playing basketball with friends. Again, slight improvement, but far from what I wanted. And women still used me. I could never say no to a woman. If they asked me to jump, I jumped. If they were bored I was right there to take them out and right back to the jerk they went. I couldn't figure out how these a******* got all the women while a nice guy like me got screwed.
What the hell was wrong with me?! I think I finally answered that question with this one chick in my class. She was easily a 9 in my eyes and I got the courage up to talk to her. We made plans to meet at this deli for lunch. I sat there for 30 minutes before I finally called her from the place and she told me that she had forgotten!
$^!%&@^*!@%*&!@^*&*!!!! I ripped into her and slammed the phone down. I could not comprehend what my problem was. I immediately walked up to the first attractive girl and asked her for her # and I got it. I turned around 5 minutes later and got another #. I did this for an hour in the mall I was at and I got 11 out of 13 phone numbers. I had had a revelation. Why was I making myself unhappy over these self-centered b*tches?! I was basing my life around trying to find a girl. Simple as that. I wasn't enjoying my life because I was so intent on a woman to make me happy that I never did things that I loved (hobbies, passions).
And here's the kicker. When I went to class
the next day, she came right up to me and apologized and wanted to make it up to me. I told her I'd think about it and flipped her my number. She called me the next day and wanted to come over to watch a movie. She definitely made it up to me that night
So the moral of the story is this: Don't ever, and I mean EVER let a woman walk on you. When you first meet a chick, you have to command respect from her with your ATTITUDE. The way you walk, the way you act, and the way you talk all tell a woman whether or not you are a needy person or an independent MAN. Let her know you don't need her. She is 1 out of approximately 3 billion women on this planet. If she says no, is it the end of the world? Oh Hell No! there are another 2,999,999,999 women out there who are dying to meet you. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and meet them. If she tries to play mind games with you (which they have mastered) give her the boot. No woman is worth waiting for.
Now for some helpful hints. You knew they were coming.
1) When you make eye contact with a beautiful woman in passing, smile and go about your business. Unless she holds eye contact for longer than necessary, in which case you should have already introduced yourself. Never look down after making eye contact; this is a sign of submission.
2) Don't ever say "Idon't know, what do you want to do". This is murder!! If you ever use that line or anything similair, you have already blown your chances. What you are really saying is "Yes, I will be your puppy dog. Ask for anything and it is yours." Make a decision for crying out loud. You know whether you want to do something or not. Don't be afraid to say it.
3) If she says or does something to try to take advantage of you, make it known right away. If you let her get away with it, she will know she can keep doing it. And then you, my friend, have shown her that you are not to be respected. Women want a MAN who they can respect.
4) I know it has been said countless times, but kino is a necessity. If you think you don't know how to do kino, then it is fear that is holding you back. Lightly touch her on the arm. My personal favorite is to come up behind a woman to tell her something, put my hand on her shoulder and state whatever it is in her ear in a low voice. Then when you are done, walk away and lightly run your fingers across her upper back. Don't turn around when you walk off. Keep in mind to use kino sparingly and for god's sake, don't molest her.
5) If you are feeling down about your abilities, take a vacation with 2 or 3 close friends to a "hot spot". I prefer a beach with plenty of nightclubs. Then just enjoy yourself. If you see a girl who you "think" you have no chance with, go start a conversation. Are you ever going to see her again if she says no? Of course not. You'll never have to worry about feeling awkward around her. It's water under the bridge. You have lost absolutely nothing. And you have gained experience. You can look back and figure out what part of your game needs to be fine tuned.
In the end, it all comes down to a state of mind. You have to know, not think, KNOW that you don't need a woman to be happy. This is not an overnight change. I'm still working on that aspect to this very day. You have to enjoy life for what it is and stop worrying. Everything will work itself out. Trust me. If you read my story, you know that anybody can do this. You just have to believe in yourself. Believe in yourself and believe in life. If you let fear creep into your mind when approaching a woman, then you have already lost. After all, "We (men) have nothing to fear but fear itself".