posted 06-12-2001 05:09 PM
Rules you should follow for a one night stand.
1. If you're lookin' to score, be prepared. This means, in the trunk of your car is your overnight bag. Toothbrush, toothpaste, cologne, gel, comb, condoms, chocolate body paint... you name it. Oh yeah, and shave real close before going out.
2. Pace your drink. Do not get drunk. You don't want to sacrafice your standards for a night with a sub-zero beast seen through the bottom of a 26 of vodka. Stay sober enough to drive.
3. Don't spend too long with a woman at the bar. If they're interested in getting laid they'll let you know, subtly, or blatantly, but either way they'll be lookin to get out of there right away.
4. Never take them back to your place. Don't let them know where you live. You don't know the woman, she might be a f*ckin' nutcase.
5. They will go to the washroom at some point to wash their p*ssy. Take this as your cue to ease off on the clothing. Remember, when removing your clothes, socks first.
6. Foreplay... know the zones. Scalp, earlobes, neck, breasts, sacrum(bermuda triangle of love), p*ssy, inner thighs, back of the knee, and my favoraite, the achilles tendon, a great starting point. Oh, and when you think you're done, add ten minutes.
7. Sex... 3 different positions, 2 different rooms. Should be wild and freaky sex.
8. Do NOT cuddle afterwards... Instead, lie on your back and allow her to roll over and rest her head on your chest. Do NOT thank her. Simply breathe...
9. Wait until she's asleep to leave. Write a little note and leave it on the kitchen table or on her night table. Do NOT stay the night.
10. Protect yourself. Rubbers are not so much to protect the woman as to protect the guy.
No matter what comes, walk like a man. - Al Lan Mandragoran (Wheel of Time)