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Author Topic:   Looking to Marry the right Person?
Don the Legend

Master Don Juan
posted 10-25-2001 03:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Don the Legend     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello Fellow DJ�s,


I haven�t seen this lesson on this site before so I want to share with you what I have learned from my father. It�s so obvious most people don�t even think about it when it pertains to them.

When choosing the person you want to marry, always look no farther than at your girlfriends� mother. That is exactly how she will become later on in life. She may be a little different from her mother but most of the time she will treat you the same way. That is why you have always heard the saying, � The apple doesn�t fall far from the tree�. That is because she has learned to be the way she is by her learning from her mother.

See how she treats her husband. Does she like to argue? Does she like to beetch her husband out over the smallest infraction? Is she a charring person to her husband and children? Is she selfish? Is she a loving parent? Does she make fun of her husband? Does she respect her husband? I can�t believe how many times I have seen this come true, but it has. The same holds true for girls. Look at your boyfriend�s father. The same questions hold true.

An example for us guys: One of my really good friends got married 2 years ago. Back then I really ignored this great advice because it didn�t pertain to me. My friend�s fianc�s mother was an extreme beetch. She treated her husband like dirt. Always led him by the collar told him where to stand, what to do, when to talk, an extreme control freak. His fianc� was the same way. I didn�t see all the signs, because I didn�t date her. But those signs were always there. They get married. And all of a sudden, she turns into Mrs. Beetch II. Surprised? No because you just had to look no farther then her mother to see how she would be as somebody�s wife. So you can only imagine that they ended up divorced. He was shocked. I wasn�t.

An example for girls: I look at my sisters as a great example. Each married a jerky husband. And you just have to look no farther than my brother in laws dad to see where they get the qualities they have. Each is very loud and jerky. So are their dads. Go figure!

Also, you can gauge the way your future wife will look like when she gets older by looking at her mother. If you wonder if your wife will become fat, just look no further than her mom. She will more than likely fill out the same as her mother.

If you don�t believe me, look at your parent�s mom and dad. You will be surprised how true this is. Hopefully this will help others from marrying the wrong person. Keep this in the back of your head when you are thinking of marrying your future spouse. And to think that my father learned this idea from the US Navy!

Good Luck,

Legend

IP: 65.69.95.209

MsThang

Master Don Juan
posted 10-25-2001 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsThang     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In general I think that's pretty true, but I'm not sure that you can use it as a sure thing. I've always been much closer to my father so the fact that mum can be really nasty to him just shows me exactly what NOT to be. I consider my mother the perfect antithesis of what to be and so I use that knowledge to know how to treat men well.

IP: 132.161.140.52

Don the Legend

Master Don Juan
posted 10-25-2001 04:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Don the Legend     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MsThang:
In general I think that's pretty true, but I'm not sure that you can use it as a sure thing. I've always been much closer to my father so the fact that mum can be really nasty to him just shows me exactly what NOT to be. I consider my mother the perfect antithesis of what to be and so I use that knowledge to know how to treat men well.

True. Not every situation fits perfectly. But more often then not this is a good gauge to see what your mate will be later. As anything on this site, there are exceptions to the rule. This is more for getting out of a potential bad situation before it happens. When you start dating someone serious, try to get to really know her parents. That is when this advice will come into play. I would rather get out of a potential bad relationship early then to go through with it and then regret it after a divorce.

Thanks for your comments,

Legend

IP: 65.69.95.209

gettingthere

Master Don Juan
posted 10-25-2001 04:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for gettingthere     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm suspicious, Ms Thang. It is the same thing with kids who were abused, they likely turn into abusers themselves unless they work at it really hard - like every day. Maybe you are different, and can really change. Personally, I wouldn't go for marriage with a girl like that.

On a realated note, I've discovered that all of my close friends' parents are still together, and reasonably happily married. My parents are reasonably happily married too. I'm not talking about 'perfect' marriages. I am talking about unions that work, sort of like on The Simpsons. I certainly didn't pick my friends this way, but I think this observation is significant since statistically something like half of all marriages in the U.S. fail.

I just think that people whose parents are divorced have inherently different notions of what relationships are and what they
should be.


Don the Legend: I've heard stories like this before. One guy told me that back in Africa before the father of the girl would give approval for her to marry, he would always observe how her potential husband's father treats his wife. If there was any abuse (hitting, shouting, etc.) he would call the marriage off.

In America, we like to think we are all individuals and we make up our own minds all on our own. In reality, we (humans) are all preprogrammed robots much more than we realize.

IP: 67.160.96.99

Drew

Moderator
posted 10-28-2001 04:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Drew     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Tips Forum.

IP: 24.4.254.120

BGMan

Master Don Juan
posted 10-29-2001 12:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BGMan     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don the Legend:

No sh*t! My Dad told me the exact same thing!

BGMan

IP: 129.101.6.209

VegasPimpin

Don Juan
posted 10-29-2001 03:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for VegasPimpin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was in my buddy's wedding on Saturday. The girl he married scrubs his feet. Now that's perfect marriage material if you ask me.

IP: 192.206.180.200

DJ de Florida

Master Don Juan
posted 10-29-2001 03:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DJ de Florida     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep, true in a lot of cases. Also, if you are curious if your significant other will add more stored energy to her body, just look at her mom.

In fact, I would suggest trying to meet as much as the family as you can before you get married. You are not marrying just her, you are marrying into her family, friendships, history, acquaintances, etc.

------------------
DJ de Florida
****
Just Do It!

1) Progress always involves risk: you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.

2) Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

3) You never really lose until you stop trying.

IP: 128.227.146.154

Don the Legend

Master Don Juan
posted 11-02-2001 12:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Don the Legend     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by DJ de Florida:
In fact, I would suggest trying to meet as much as the family as you can before you get married. You are not marrying just her, you are marrying into her family, friendships, history, acquaintances, etc.

DJ de Florida,

Damm right. You will really see what kind of person your girlfriend is by hanging out with the whole family. You will see so much that you will know if she is worth a LTR or not.

---------------------------------------------

BGMAN,

It sounds like your dad and my dad come from the same stock.

--------------------------------------------

Gettingthere,

Very good points. Like begets like.


---------------------------------------------

Vegaspimpin,

You buddy sounds like he married a good woman. Good for him.

---------------------------------------------

If any other DJ's who have been married in the past or still are married and would like to add their spin on this, I would like to see what your opinions are. I am sure it would help all of us when the time comes to stay in a in a LTR with the possibility that may lead to marriage.


Thanks for your opinions,


Legend

IP: 65.69.95.209

MrSassyPants

Master Don Juan
posted 11-02-2001 01:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MrSassyPants     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
MzThang's right... but the post is an excellent one.

I've always noticed that you enter relationships that mirror your parents, unless you actively rebel against it.

IP: 172.156.125.93

Sociopath31

Master Don Juan
posted 11-02-2001 01:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sociopath31     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Beautiful lesson, legend.

Gettingthere is very right. Any actions - negative or positive - will rub off. Abused girls look for abusive guys. Our parents are who we are.

MsThang, some of us can change. The intellectuals are better-able to diagnose their own problems brought on by F'd up childhoods and crazy parents. Then you got to accept the probs and not act out on them.

IP: 24.4.252.245

DJintheworks

Master Don Juan
posted 11-02-2001 09:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DJintheworks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
don the legend
I totally agree with your theory that the apple doesnt fall far from the tree and look at the way a girls mother treats her husband is how she will treat you. But my mom is like 5'7 and probably 180 pounds, a little overweight but a nice lady but her mom is almost 5 feet tall and 90 pounds so they look nothing alike.
I have a good question for you don juans though, My parents were divorced when I was one year old and I didn't see my dad again till I was exactly 16 and I am 20 now and see him about once a year. So how could I turn out to be like my father since he had no influence on me and I have never seen him and my mother in the same room????
what do you guys think then if you girlfriend has never really met her mom????
thanks

IP: 172.154.103.239

Survivor

Master Don Juan
posted 11-09-2001 08:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Survivor     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by gettingthere:
In America, we like to think we are all individuals and we make up our own minds all on our own. In reality, we (humans) are all preprogrammed robots much more than we realize.

Oh so true.

IP: 24.179.40.151

Don the Legend

Master Don Juan
posted 11-09-2001 10:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Don the Legend     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
DJintheworks,

Thanks for posting. Sorry for not responding earlier. I will try to answer your question.

quote:
Originally posted by DJintheworks:
don the legend
I have a good question for you don juans though, My parents were divorced when I was one year old and I didn't see my dad again till I was exactly 16 and I am 20 now and see him about once a year. So how could I turn out to be like my father since he had no influence on me and I have never seen him and my mother in the same room????

That is a good point. Here is an example I can relate to that may help you. My father's dad deserted my grandmother, my father, and my aunt at an early age. One of my grandfather's traits was that he had a vicious temper. I never met the man because he died before I was born. But I heard stories from my father as I grew up. I have seen my father get mad sometimes. My father's temper sometimes resembled his stories of his father that he told us. Even though my grandfather spent little time raising my dad, my father did pick up some of his father's traits/personality. My father realized this and he toned down his temper so that it wouldn't affect us growing up. It has helped us not perpetuate his father's bad behavior. He has instilled in me traits that are positive that have helped me be the man that I am.

Now in your case, since your father wasn't around so to speak. His influence may not affect you all that much. But you may pick of some of his habits unknowingly. You are not aware of it at the time. But if you spend some time with him you will realize that you are somewhat similiar to him more than you think. You won't be a mirror image, but you will have some of his traits. You could end up like my father did since you sound like you have similiar backrounds.

quote:
Originally posted by DJintheworks:
hat do you guys think then if you girlfriend has never really met her mom????
thanks

If your girlfriend doesn't know her mom because she wasn't aound, the next best person to look at is the person that raised her. As in the same situation as yourself, she will have some of her traits as her mother. I would try to get to know both, so you can gauge how she may treat you if you two end up together.

Since you brought up a question about how this may affect you, you now realize that the way you are may affect the way your kids may become. So keep that in mind how powerful the kind of person you are may affect other lives as well.

Good Luck,

Legend

IP: 65.69.95.209

Don Scotta

Master Don Juan
posted 04-05-2002 10:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Don Scotta     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I realize this is old, just wanted to give my 2 cents. My brother and I have the same mom, different fathers. The way we treat women is a direct reflection of our fathers (atleast it was).

My brother' father was an alcoholic and mentally abusive. My brother is a jerk and basically treats girls like sh*t (but hey he gets plenty o p*ssy).

My father is pretty much an AFC, I hate to say it, but he is. And, guess what? This is how I was, up until I was about 13, I kinda snapped 'cause I was letting girls hurt me too much. If it wasn't for my brother I probably woulda been an AFC a lot longer, I'm glad he's kinda an @$$hole , hehe.

Anyway, thats my 2 cents, ~thx.

[This message has been edited by Don Scotta (edited 04-05-2002).]

IP: 216.54.14.246

El Perro

Don Juan
posted 04-05-2002 10:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for El Perro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think there is at least a grain of truth in this post. In my former line of work (police officer) you always hear how a lot of criminals are a product of the enviroment in which they were raised, not just in the streets but in the home as well. Why would'nt the same hold true concerning someone's status as LTR material?

IP: 209.192.46.2

Alcibiades

Don Juan
posted 04-08-2002 06:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Alcibiades     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good post.

This also applies to looks as well as personality. You can tell a lot about how a person will look in the future by looking at their parents. You should always find out what a potential's mom looks and acts like and decide it you can live with that.

IP: 129.118.16.134

JUST ME

Master Don Juan
posted 04-10-2002 03:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for JUST ME     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
bump..great discussion, more input please

IP: 24.57.5.204

Giovanni Casanova

Master Don Juan
posted 04-10-2002 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Giovanni Casanova     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Excellent post, DTL... and very true most of the time.

Hehe, it also means that one of my exes is going to end up becoming a middle-aged lesbian. How cool.

Definitely check out the chick's mom, guys... it can save you a hell of a lot of time and money and heartache.

------------------
CASANOVA

"Now when you talk with her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen. I want you to be the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet."
- Trent in "Swingers"

"Woman was God's second mistake."
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

IP: 206.98.14.30

Wolf in sheep's clothing

Master Don Juan
posted 04-10-2002 06:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Wolf in sheep's clothing     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah, I never thought about it from the personality point of view. I always thought that you only check out the mother to see if the daughter isnt going to be mistaken for a monster truck by the time she is 40

------------------
"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'" - Homer J. Simpson

IP: 203.51.31.151

Coolbreeze43

Don Juan
posted 04-11-2002 10:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Coolbreeze43     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is great advice! Don the legend is right as usual.
Just remember that these are guidelines and wont' apply to every person.

Coolbreeze43

IP: 64.12.107.21

Chrispy

Don Juan
posted 04-11-2002 11:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chrispy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Wolf in sheep's clothing:
Yeah, I never thought about it from the personality point of view. I always thought that you only check out the mother to see if the daughter isnt going to be mistaken for a monster truck by the time she is 40


Umm..while some disagree (very few) to this obsevation, I must add the "time bomb factor" to the equation. It may not be apparent the first couple of years that you are married, but give it 10-20 years and you'll have wished you read this thread!!!

Nothing is full-proof, but when it comes to some sort of indicator for a serious relationship that might lead to marriage, then something is better than nothing!

Again, great post. The best I've seen so far

IP: 64.231.170.82

dead_romeo

Master Don Juan
posted 04-12-2002 07:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for dead_romeo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was watchin' Oz when I first heard this put another way:

"The way your family treats you is the same you'll treat everyone you'll ever meet, for the rest of your life."

------------------
"Conclusions arrived at through reasoning have very little or no influence in altering the course of our lives. Hence, the countless examples of people who have the clearest convictions and yet act diametrically against them time and time again; and have as the only explanation for their behavior the idea that to err is human." Carlos Castaneda - The Fire From Within

"Hell aint a bad place to be" - AC/DC

IP: 212.103.167.71

JUST ME

Master Don Juan
posted 04-13-2002 01:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for JUST ME     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
bump

IP: 24.57.5.204

bob2007

Don Juan
posted 04-15-2002 09:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bob2007     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sounds right on. good tip.

IP: 24.100.160.103


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