posted 11-18-2001 05:37 PM
So... you see a hottie, you make a move, you get the digits, things are going great.
But wait just a minute. What's really happening here? You're doing the DJ thing because you know there are hundreds of other guys out there - and that means you have to look right, act right, smell right, think right, and have your life right. Otherwise chicks won't like you, and that's bad - right?
Wrong. 110% wrong. This how the AFCs see it -they wonder and sweat if they are truly worthy of that hottie they see before them. They fear they will make a mistake, and the world will end. They are terrified that rejection will happen, and this will confirm their lowly sub-human status. They feel that *if only* they had more something - looks, charm, money, shirts, shorts, hair, whatever - that they would then meet this woman's standards. And then they would be cool. And all of that.
This is the defensive play position. And it's one of the ultimate evils in DJ land.
Think for a moment how screwy it is. First off, it gives the woman all the power. If she disses you, you're crushed. You creep away and cry. You make love to your hand. Life is a sad and grey place. And it's all her fault... (As if!)
Secondly there's no confidence in it. And no - that's not confidence because 'confidence gets the babes'. That's confidence for knowing that that's who you are - a man, and totally proud of it.
And finally, chicks love to play this game. Someone posted an example recently of a chicking coming right out and asking 'So why should I think you're special compared to all the other guys who want me?'
Not all chicks say this, but a lot of them can think it. And once you let her play that game, you're on the spot - sweating and thinking 'What do I say? What do I do? Am I doing this right? Oh no! That wasn't right. That wasn't funny enough. I just crapped out...'
Well, fvck that. Here's a huge DJ secret - as soon as you catch yourself thinking like that, stop and pause. Watch what you're doing to yourself.
And kill it dead. Because it's BS.
The offensive position is *not to care what the chick thinks.* Not at all. Not even if she's that ultimate perfect 10, with a personality to match.
Can you do that? Yes you can. You have to remember one key thing - you live DJ-style not to 'pick up chicks' to prove anything to anyone. Not you, not her, not your mother or God or the guy who beat the crap out of you in sixth grade.
You do it because it leads to fun and makes your life a better place to be. And that is the *only* reason you do it. It's about *you*. Not her. Not anyone else. *You.*
But there's more. Now that we've worked out where the real priorities should be, you can start to do pickups not to wheedle and manipulate otherwise disinterested women so you can get laid, but to find women who are worthy of your time and attention - first with the looks, and then with the personality. The whole package. One night. LTR. Long term dating. Whatever *you* want.
You don't approach women hoping that if you do and say all the right things in the right order standing exactly so and giving all the right signals, she might - if you're really lucky - condescend to spend time with you.
You do the approach to *check her out.* You know she's cute, and now you want to know more. You want to know if she's good enough to add something good to your life. (Or is she just another bratty self-centred biatch who thinks she's the **** but is really nothing special at all?) Is she funny? Is she cool? Is she smart? Is she sane? Is she really as cute close up?
These are the only questions that matter. You'll notice 'Am I doing this right?' is not one of them.
So you do approaches because *you are the man.* You are looking for quality. You are testing for quality. You are not putting yourself on the spot to see if she decides you are the weakest link. You are approaching her to see what *she can do for you*.
Why does this work? First off it puts her on the defensive. Instead of fawning and supplicating all over her like the average nervous AFC, she sees right away you can take her (heh... ) or leave her. This blows a fuse in the chick mind. Once you're the real deal, you'll find she starts doing things to impress you, rather than the other way round. This is a good place for you to be.
Secondly it means you don't care about the outcome, so you get to be more relaxed. If she blows you off - well, so what? Chicks that aren't quality can't spot quality when they see it. This is not your problem. If she's having a mood or something - again, not your problem. It's not your job to work out what's up with her. And because you have no problems with the approach, you can find yourself a 'next' with no worries.
But the real killer principle is - this isn't about chicks. This is about you. If you want quality, you have to decide to *be* quality.
But forget some kind of work ethic or money crap. Quality doesn't mean owning a beamer and a $10,000,000 house in Palo Alto. Quality means belonging to the aristocracy of those who live life on their own terms, doing what they enjoy the most. If that means money, then go make money. If that means something else, then go do something else. But - again - you do it for you. Because it improves your life and makes you happier. And when you do it, you do it for everything. The whole chick thing is just a fun sideline.