posted 01-12-2002 10:34 PM
I was reading an article by Doc Love on "Why Is That Babe with Such a Loser?" which triggered a lightning bolt series of thoughts that culminated into a series of very shocking insights that left me at times almost disgusted in what I had discovered.
I had found the holy grail of the dating world: the mind-set of the true master Don Juan. A mind set that would cause extremely beautiful woman fall crazy in love with you to the point they would do anything for you. Pook and WildThang had hit upon it, but only in a circuitous fashion. I had found the heart of it.
The following work is an essay, if you will, it is long but well worth the read. All those who read this, take it in and ruminate on it will greatly benefit. Any truly good Don Juan advice and theory will be a mere echo from these pages.
I fully began to comprehend that the mating dance was nothing but trying to get the most powerful mate possible. I turned to evolutionary psychology to help me fully describe what a powerful mate was. A powerful mate was simply a mate that was able to survive, reach sexual maturity and produce viable offspring better than other individuals. Power was simply equated with the increased ability to pass on the "selfish genes" each one of us harbors. Through the course of evolution, those traits or characteristics that over time proved them selves to lead to the greater proliferation of those genes (that caused the traits in the first place) began to be selected with greater frequency by a genetic counterpart. Those genetic counterparts who were able to respond to these traits and mate with such individuals ended up passing on their own genes (the genes that were able to identify the "attractive traits" in the first place). Those individuals who possessed the more powerful genes and were able to identify those more powerful genes in others and mate with them ended up balancing the gene pool in their favor at the expense of the other less powerful genes. In the course of time, both male and females began to be "hard coded" with genes that would lead the sexes to fairly universally desire certain characteristics and traits that over the course of evolution proved to be features, that once mated with, greatly increased the chances of passing on one's own genes.
Now what are these key characteristics that men and woman find attractive in one another?
For men it is simply the woman's body. The perfect "10" female is a "genetic celebrity" as Doc Love adequately put it in his article mentioned above. Such a woman wields tremendous power. The human body contains a wealth of information on the health and potential reproductive success of the individual. Such beautiful woman are attractive to males because over the course of evolution the males who found these females attractive and mated with them produced more healthy and viable offspring because of their genetic make up. For example, it is a scientific fact that woman with certain waist and hip dimensions can produce more children than woman with other waist and hip dimensions.
For woman, the man's body did not matter as much as the woman's body did for the man. The woman's role in those early hunter-gatherer days was simply to gather food, bear and look after the children. Because of the incapacity of pregnancy and the difficulty of throwing a weapon at prey with a baby in the arms, the woman relied on the man to literally bring home the bacon. The woman became the instrument of bringing new life in the world while the man's role was simply to provide for the woman and the new offspring. While a healthy, genetically sound body was essential for a good hunter and healthy offspring, there were other important characteristics that clearly separated one successful hunter from another.
To be a successful hunter, the individual had to be controlled and patient. They had to have the ability to know when to strike and do so with force and conviction. They also had to be brave and not psychologically deficient. Those individuals that usually excelled at the hunt (due in large part of these characteristics) became natural leaders and usually got the most from the hunt and were able to provide the most food to their families. While an excellent body equaled a great potential as a hunter, without the nerves of steel, patience and willingness to take risks, such a body was like a well-made sword in the hands of an idiot. While the woman's power primarily resided in her body, the male's power essentially came from his actions and deeds that originated from his thoughts and emotional prowess. These types of characteristics, that were a product of a mental and emotional makeup, became qualities that females universally found attractive.
As Doc Love identified, the three characteristics that woman universally respond to emotionally is challenge (not psychologically needy or weak), control (able to not let passions overwhelm a person) and confidence (able to take charge of the situation and respond assertively). This has not changed much for thousands of years.
It became clear to me that what women find attractive in men is the qualities of an accomplished hunter: a killer.
Doc Love then goes onto explain in the same article that, "the Reality Factor says: beauty always finds the money and money always finds the beauty." Underlining the attractive qualities in a man is a woman's desire to find a good provider: a powerful individual who can get the job done. Women are extremely practical and they will go for the guy who can provide the most for them (as long as he is not a total genetic reject). Money is obviously a display of wealth and sometimes an indicator of personal success and high status (powerful man). However, I can imagine a lot of these beautiful women are simply mercenaries and are not actually responding to the individual at all but rather his income (money then becomes the powerful substitute for the powerful individual). Do these mercenaries really love (greatly emotionally responded) to their millionaire or billionaire boyfriends? Doubtful, I would guess.
I was not interested in the women who went for the money. I wanted to know about those beautiful women who turned downed the power avenue of money to go for the individual they emotionally responded to as being powerful. In order for these beautiful women to go for these guys (they can have any guy and remember they are going to find the one they consider the most powerful) there must have been something extremely attractive, from a female standpoint, for such a woman to go for such a guy. What type of guys attracted these women?
Why was I so interested in these individuals? Simple. If I could discover their mental frame set, I could find the babes.
To my dismay, as Doc Love noted, and from personal experience with a "9", the type of individuals these beauties would go for were drug dealers, crazed musicians, and sometimes "borderline (or even full on) criminal type[s]".
At first I thought this was crazy. How could these individuals get the babes? I pushed on and began to ask myself the series of questions:
What were these individuals like? What was their mental frame set? What was their general attitude to life?
Doc Love laid the clues for the answer:
Still, there is one thing that the types of males that I've described above have in common. They're all rebels in some way. They're not socially acceptable. . . .
Also, as strange as it sounds, dangerous men make many women feel safe. . . . She knows that he'll crush any other guy who hassles her, and beautiful women do get harassed a lot.
The other thing that all these types of guys tend to have in common is a kind of detached, "don't give a crap," attitude. So these 10s perceive them as extra manly, confident and a Challenge.
These guys displayed what appeared to be extreme qualities of confidence, challenge and control. What gave them these outward qualities was a severe somewhat detached outlook on things. A type of detachment that did not care about things in general. Here was your super hunter, a dangerous individual: cool, calculating, infinitely patient and not shaken by anything. Here was the mind of a true killer. Here were the outer manifestations of the master DJ mindset.
My mind began to spin at this point. I knew all the pieces were here to start to get inside the mind of these individuals. It was at this point Nietzsche came to mind that showed me the way.
What is good? -Whatever augments the feeling of power, the will to power, power itself, in man. What is evil? -Whatever springs from weakness. What is happiness? -The feeling that power increases-that resistance is overcome. Not contentment, but more power; not peace at any price, but war; not virtue, but efficiency . . . (The Antichrist - 2)
Here was the essential glue I needed to put the puzzle together. Power in the super hunter was the ability to overcome all resistance. This overcoming of resistance led to efficiency.
I was getting very close. Then it was something that Pook began to crystallize everything:
Masculinity is surmounting your environment. This is why girls want that 'trump' attitude, the attitude that you can do anything.
It is something biological. Women respond to jerks, to strength, first because they know the artificial world they live in may collapse and need someone to depend on. Masculinity is all about not being concerned of your environment and having that 'trump' attitude. . . .
Be the master of your destiny. If she rejects you, she is merely showing she has bad taste.
You're the MAN. It is your job to create the reality you would like. Don't let her do it because she never will.
What did the super hunter overcome? Sure he was able to get the prey, but that was a product of his actions that originated from his mindset. The greatest resistance the hunter faced was not his environment but his mental environment. This was the true source of his power: the overcoming of all his fears, memories, teachings and so on. His detached non-caring attitude let him discard all of it away. In its place was true simplicity and efficiency. Now the super hunter would simply note the values, use them when appropriate or discard them when needed. He now ruled his world, because he now created it for he was the sole creator of value. He was the one who decided to go with an impulse; he was the one who decided whether the fear was appropriate. He did not care whether he succeeded or not; it was irrelevant. All that lay in front of him was movement of his mind and his emotions. He trusted only what he felt and saw and would only give value to things that he himself felt were good. The only thing he gave heed to was the moment.
He did not care that people found him mean. He did not care that they loved him. What were they to him? What did they know? He did not care to be defined by others nor did he let his emotions define him. He embraced his emotions when appropriate and threw them away when he did not think they were helpful to his cause. Finally, he overcame one of his greatest impediments: his ego. Instead of thinking that it would make me look better in the eyes of others, or to do so would make him look bad in others eyes, he simply did not care. Here we see the rebel emerge. A rebel who cares not what society thinks, what his mother or father thinks, what books say is right and not what his emotions or thoughts tell him. He could care less. He is the only one who decides if it is worth caring about.
Finally, the super hunter discarded the last hindrance to his goal: time. He is no longer obsessed with getting something achieved in a given time frame. Such pressures are useless and counter productive in attaining the goal. For he could care less when it was achieved: he was not living on anyone's timetable. Nature taught him that events occur when they occur and cannot be rushed or delayed: a tree could not be rushed to grow, a flower would only bloom in spring, a prey had to grow weary from the strain of pursuit. The only thing he concerned himself with was not the future or the past but the present moment where his realm of experience existed: the only time where he had a say in.
Pook further goes on to say:
You do not compete against the girl or against any guy. Your competition is yourself. Think when training for sports. When you think, "My, that guy is good. I am going to beat him!" you will either (a) fail or (b) succeed then stop. Your focus is on HIM, not yourself. Once beating him, you stop.
A woman is a woman. You are the one that makes an issue of it. You are the only one that gives it a value. If you make a big deal out of something, it will be a big deal. Conversely, if you make it a lesser deal than it is, it will be a lesser deal.
The greatest obstacle in getting a woman is not the woman but ourselves. The greatest act of power the super hunter achieves is to overcome all of our self-imposed limitations. How do get rid of all your self-imposed limitations? THROW IT ALL AWAY! Don't care what others think, what your emotions tell you, rationalize yourself and just do it! Let yourself be the focus and sole determiner of whether something is good or bad.
The super hunter no doubt treated women the same as the hunt or anything in his life. The following examples are mental demonstrations of the truly powerful mind set. To help accentuate the qualities of the powerful mindset I have in tandem also presented the un-powerful or AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) mindset to function as a foil. See and feel the far greater simplicity and efficiency in the overall thought process of the super hunter in comparison to the AFC's.
Also note the following qualities associated with the powerful mindset:
1) It is goal orientated with a final long-term situation envisioned. However, this is always implicit in every situation.
2) The powerful mindset does not recognize success and failure. It is simply the recognition that an obstacle has been put in place, or an obstacle has been removed. Success or failure becomes tied to simply degrees. One simply sees either one is getting closer to the goal or moving away from it.
3) The value of something or the course of action in the given situation always revolves around whether the value or course of action further or hampers the goal desired. No other subsidiary or tangents are taken into account.
4) The realm of attention is only focused at the current present situation at hand. The mindset neither adds nor removes anything from the situation. It is objective.
5) The various emotional value and thought values are taken into consideration but if are unwarranted they are discarded. Those values that are not discarded then influence the course of action. Emotional values are primary.
6) The moment is only taken into account. Any future or past considerations are put aside.
7) The final consideration in the course of action has to do with what is costs the individual in either furthering or delaying the goal.
8) The only past knowledge that is applied to the decision process is only knowledge the individual has personally experienced.
9) The final outcome is always action.
10) There is no doubt, fear or uncertainty.
11) Most importantly, the powerful man chooses, no one else, the course of action.
I have included in each example two scenarios: a hunting scenario and the other a dating scenario. As it is my hypothesis that the ultimate DJ mind originated from the ultimate hunter mind, it becomes easier to derive the dating scenario in reference from an analogous hunting one.
Italics will indicate either an emotional or thought associated value judgment that both the AFC and powerful male experience and responds appropriately to. Everything in braces  indicates physical actions or reactions. Indents indicate a conversation.
Hunting Scenario: A Potential Prey is Spotted.
This prey doesn't look worthy to hunt.
AFC: Maybe I should still go for it though. May be a waste of energy though. But it doesn't look like there is much else here. I haven't had a decent prey in a long time. I guess this is better than nothing.
Powerful Male: Prey no good. Move on. [moves to a different hunting area]
AFC Result: Spends useless amount of energy chasing something from the beginning did not look promising.
Powerful Male Result: Found better prey later on.
Dating Scenario: A Potential Woman to Approach and Talk to.
Woman is not all that attractive at all and has a folded body posture with a scowl on her face.
AFC: Maybe I should go talk with her. You know what they say, "It's not beauty that counts but what is inside." She looks not too happy maybe I can cheer her up or something. I haven't talked to a girl in a long time.
Powerful Male: Ugly. Uptight. Move on to other women. [Leaves premises]
Results: Same as above.
Hunting Scenario: An Excellent Looking Prey is Spotted.
Prey looks very good
AFC: Yes, a prey! I hope I don't screw up with this one. I should be extra cautious, no wait extra bold. I hope my spear is in good order. I did sharpen it, didn't I? [This continues].
Powerful Male: Prey appears to be worth the effort to hunt it. It is in a good position to strike.
Emotional fear is experienced.
AFC: My god, I don't know if I can do this. This is way too difficult for me. It's probably too much hassle anyway. Maybe in a minute I'll gather enough courage. [looks at spear]
Powerful Male: Is this fear warranted? I am not in a position where I can be harmed. The fear is unwarranted. [tosses spear]
AFC Result: In hesitation, the prey runs away and he looses his chance.
Powerful Male Result: Manages in wounding the prey and slows it down.
Dating Scenario: A Beautiful Engaging Woman is Encountered.
AFC: Oh, my gosh, a beautiful woman! My god, I'm sure she must have a boy friend. I bet she is out of my league.
Powerful Male: Strike the concept beautiful out. It adds nothing and it doesn't help. She is not a princess, someone special super human. She is simply a woman that a lot of men emotionally respond to.
Emotional fear is experienced.
AFC: Boy, I'm so afraid. I'll probably screw up. Maybe in a minute or after a few drinks, I'll find enough courage. I wonder whether I'm good enough looking, I wonder what she think of me?
Powerful Male: Is this fear justified? Is she holding a gun or appearing hostile to me? No. No justification. [approaches woman]
AFC Result: Woman gets up and leaves while AFC is drooling and thinking how to approach her.
Powerful Male Result:
Powerful Male: Hi, would you like to buy me a drink?
Woman: Boy, you seem confident, don't you?
Powerful Male: I know nothing about confidence: I simply am.
Woman: [turns wet]
Hunting Scenario: Back at Camp wondering if Ever will get a Great Kill
Thought of never having a great kill.
AFC: I have not really ever made a great kill. I think I am not a good hunter. My family will be ashamed of me. I've just turned out to be an average hunter.
Powerful Male: By whose definition of "great"? How does this thought contribute to my hunting ability? It serves no useful purpose.
Feelings of depression.
AFC: I really am a bad hunter. [starts crying]
Powerful Male: There has been no death, no loss. Unwarranted. Drop it. [goes hunting].
Dating Scenario: At home Wondering if will Ever get a Girlfriend
Thought of not having girlfriend.
AFC: No one has ever really loved me. It must be something wrong about me. Maybe I'm not friendly enough. Maybe I should change the way I look. I don't know.
Powerful Male: Irrelevant. Past is past; I can't change it. How will this thought help my future? My plan is to meet women not dwell on them.
Feelings of depression.
AFC: I really suck. [starts crying]
Powerful Male: I have not lost anything or nothing terrible has happened. Drop it. [goes out and meets women]
Hunting Scenario: A Prey being Hunted appears to be more difficult to kill than first anticipated.
[Prey goes through rough terrain making it difficult to hunt.]
Feeling of frustration.
AFC: Oh, no prey is getting away. I can�t let this happen, I must pursue at all costs. [follows prey close behind]
Powerful Male: Is frustration warranted? Yes. Prey is posing obstacles in the pursuit of it. Need to get rid of obstacle. Try different route through terrain to catch it.
[Prey goes through rough terrain and is able to surmount a very difficult area full of streams and caves.]
Feeling of fear.
AFC: Oh, no the prey is getting more and more difficult to catch. I can�t let up now. [rushes blindly after it]
Powerful Male: Is fear warranted? Yes. Prey has a good chance of getting away. Is it worth pursuing it if I have low chance of success? No. Try to find other prey.
AFC Result: Spends a useless amount of energy pursuing a prey that eventually gets away from him.
Powerful Male: Cutting his loses, he regroups, learns a little more about the terrain and finds another suitable prey.
Dating Scenario: Going out on a first date with a woman to take her out to dinner.
Male: We�re going to eat at an Italian restaurant.
Woman: No. I hate Italian food.
Negative feeling experienced.
AFC: Oh, no. She hates Italian food. Wait let me see. I can try Thai, no how about Chinese? I�m not too partial to Chinese, but maybe she�ll like it.
Powerful Male: Is negative feeling warranted? Yes, she is making situation difficult. Try an alternative. I like Thai.
Male: We�re going to eat at a (Thai or Chinese) restaurant.
Woman: No. I hate that as well.
Increased negative feeling.
AFC: Oh, this is getting real bad. Let me come up with something else. How about Mexican, my God I hope she likes that.
Powerful Male: Negative feeling is warranted. Situation is becoming very difficult. She is not helping at all and being unnecessarily difficult. I am not experiencing positive feelings. Amount of effort and ill feelings is outweighing the good ones. Drop her.
AFC: How about Mexican?
Woman: No, I ate Mexican earlier today.
Powerful Male: I�m taking you home.
AFC Result: Ends up driving her all over the place and making suggestions. She finally says she is not hungry and just want to go for a drink. He never gets anywhere further with this woman.
Powerful Male Result: He takes her home. Hits a bar and gets a home phone number.
Hunting Scenario: The kill is made and the Hunter enjoys the fruit of his labor.
Positive feelings of success.
AFC: I�m the greatest hunter there is. Everyone is going to think I�m the greatest. I�m going to tell everyone about my hunt tomorrow. I did so well . . .
Powerful Male: Is the positive feeling justified? Yes.
Feeling of sleepiness.
AFC: Oh, I�m tired. Who cares? I�m going to celebrate into the early hours, and sing me a tale.
Powerful Male: Feeling justified? Yes. It was a long hunt. Need to have energy for tomorrow�s hunt. Will settle in contented sleep. [goes to sleep]
AFC Result: He spends up all night, and does not go on the hunt the next day and looses out on gathering food.
Powerful Male: Fully rested, he does well on the next hunt.
Dating Scenario: Consummation is achieved with Female.
Uplifting and positive feeling.
AFC: Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I�m the man. I love her so much. I�ll tell her tomorrow morning. I bring her roses and flowers. Maybe I should ask her to marry me? This is the greatest.
Powerful Male: Feeling justified. Yes. Nice. Was the pleasure worth the time spent with her. Yes.
Feeling of tiredness.
AFC: Boy, I�m tired but let me compose a poem for her. [begins to write poetry]
Powerful Male: Is feeling warranted? Yes, it has been a long day with physical exertion. Tomorrow is another day. [goes to sleep]
AFC Result: The next day he declares his undying love and scares off the woman.
Powerful Male result: He�s in her room with her right now.
In all these scenarios the crucial difference between the AFC and powerful man is that the powerful man is the one who does not let the situation and his emotions dictate him as opposed to the AFC who lets it control him. The hunter overcomes while the AFC is overcomed.
As Pook points out:
A male who goes through life with the path of an arrow is a MAN. A male who goes through life bending himself to every desire in hopes of pleasing is CHUMP, a nice guy.
The AFC is the one that bends over backward to try to accommodate his emotions, his environment and other people. He is ruled and defined by it. He does not possess the courage to choose for himself what is best for him and go ahead and do it.
The powerful male chooses his action himself. He does not let his mother, his brother, his teacher or the junkie on the street corner that gave him the finger let him choose the way he should think or act. He decides what is important. He decides what value to give things: he creates his own world because he interprets it and responds to it on his own terms.
Nietzsche talks about the three metamorphoses of the spirit:
THREE metamorphoses of the spirit do I designate to you: how the spirit becometh a camel, the camel a lion, and the lion at last a child.
Many heavy things are there for the spirit, the strong load-bearing spirit in which reverence dwelleth: for the heaviest longeth its strength. . . .
All these heaviest things the load-bearing spirit taketh upon itself: and like the camel, which, when laden, hasteneth into the wilderness, so hasteneth the spirit into its wilderness.
But in the loneliest wilderness happeneth the second metamorphosis: here the spirit becometh a lion, freedom will it capture, and lordship in its own wilderness. . . .
My brethen, wherefore is there need of the lion in the spirit? Why sufficeth not the beast of burden, which renounceth and is reverent?
To create new values - that, even the lion cannot yet accomplish: but to create itself freedom for new creating - that can the might of the lion do.
To create itself freedom, and give a holy Nay even unto duty: for that, my brethen, there is need of the lion. . . .
But tell me, my brethren, what the child can do, which even the lion could not do? Why hath the preying lion still become a child?
Innocence is the child, and forgetfulness, a new beginning, a game, a self-rolling wheel, a first movement, a holy Yea.
Aye, for the game of creating, my brethen, there is needed a holy Yea unto life: its own will, willeth now the spirit; his own world winneth the world's outcast. (Zarathustra I,1)
Do you have the courage of the lion to choose to create freedom in your life with a "holy Nay" to all that has burdened you? Do you then have the ability to forget and say a "holy Yea" to all that you are as a human male with sexual drives and desires, a "holy Yea" to what you and only you enjoy and hold dear?
Only you are responsible for your life and how you view it. You are responsible for your own destiny. Believe it or not, you choose if you are an AFC or not. No one chooses for you except you. Happiness is right in front of you because it is in your mind. You need to decide whether you want to reach out and grab it or simply continue the path that takes you away from being true to yourself and what it is to be a man.
You possess the most powerful tool to power and success: the ability to choose - the will of the spirit.
You have the choice. Choose life, choose happiness, choose power.