posted 02-06-2002 11:37 AM               

Here is a basic bottom line thing which you've doubtless read elsewhere but which some guys here still aren't getting, so I'm going to explain it again:

A woman is either interested or she isn't. If she's interested, she acts interested. She makes it easy for you. If she's not interested, she makes excuses.

That's it. That's all you need to know.

It doesn't make any difference what her excuses are, or whether they're true or not.

Yes, she may have exams. Yes, she may have 'family stuff.' Yes, her pet cobra may have died.

None of this matters. All that matters is that you are getting an excuse from her. This tells you the only thing you need to know - which is that there is something in her life which is more important to her than you are, and therefore she does not, at this moment in time, have any desire to spend time with you.

Now, you may be thinking 'Yes, but what if she really *does* have exams?'

So what? All this tells you is that she's busy. She may not be available for dating you. Hell, she may not be available for dating anyone (even though she may not realise this). If you keep calling her, she'll get off on the attention anyway. And you'll be in chumpville quicker than you can say 'Not Tuesday then. Howabout Weds? Or Monday? Friday? Any day? Please?'

AFCs don't get this, which is why they waste their time playing phone tag. Worse still, AFCs take rejection personally. They think it's about them - it's some huge tragedy that this woman said no.

It's not a fvcking tragedy. It may, or may not, be that she doesn't like you personally. It may be that she really is busy.

The reason doesn't matter. Anything other than a 'Yes, I'll see on you on such and such a day' means 'I am not interested at this time.' And you have to accept that fact, because otherwise you'll be hitting your head against a wall.

Now, the other thing to remember her is that women are all-time world champions at plausible excuses. So if you get an excuse from a chick, it will also sound 100% believable. It will also sound 100% believable when she tells you she's still interested, but, you know, this time it's kind of not right and - no, don't give up, keep trying, just not right now, till you get so frustrated you start screaming so hard blood comes out of your ears.

So... don't fall into the AFC trap of wondering what any of that shyt means.

'Maybe sometime' means 'No.'

'Not right now' means 'No.'

'I have a lot on my mind right now' means 'No.'

'I have exams' means 'No.'

'I'd love to but I can't because I have a meeting with my boss' means 'No.'

'I'm having family problems' means 'No.'

'I have to go delouse my best friend's turtle' means 'No.'

Experience shows that once you get a 'No' you're pretty much guaranteed to be wasting your time. If you're feeling generous maybe cut the chick some slack, bump her to the end of your list, and ignore her for a month or three before you even think about asking again.

Realistically, once you get a 'No', the odds against a 'Yes' start to skyrocket. Still, sometimes it happens. But don't waste any time hoping - treat her as strike-out last resort material, or a space filler if you're bored. If you try again at random sometime when you no longer care and get a yes, think of it as a bonus.

posted 02-06-2002 11:48 AM               

quote:

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Originally posted by WildThang:
In the meantime - engrave somewhere on the inside of your eyelids that anything other than 'Yes' means 'No'. Always. No exceptions. No excuses.

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And sometimes, 'Yes' means 'No' also.

------------------
CASANOVA

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
Carl Sagan

posted 02-06-2002 12:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
And sometimes, 'Yes' means 'No' also.

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Yep. Cancellations happen.

A few more:

"Let me check my schedule and call you back, what's your number?" means no

"maybe next week" means no

"I'm really busy right now but we should get together sometime real soon" means no

I figure it is ok to try again a week or two later, just in case. After that, you've asked her out twice so she knows you're interested.

posted 02-06-2002 04:42 PM            

AFC's simply do not respect themselves.

That's why they always rationalize disrespectful behavior. That's why they take rejection personally. That's why their self-worth is determined by whether or not they have a girlfriend.

They don't have anything else going on in their lives. To think that I was once an AFC makes me wanna puke.

It's painfully evident in every other post on this forum.

posted 02-08-2002 11:13 PM            

Thank you for setting us straight WT! Another good post from you.

posted 02-10-2002 02:07 PM               

quote:

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Originally posted by DuffMan:
Hmm . . but don't DJ's say "no" sometimes too? Does that mean WE'RE not interested? Personally, I don't think there's any way to really know a girl's interest level.

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Sure there is - if she makes excuses to spend time with you, thinks you're the funniest guy on earth, wants to help you out in big ways and small ways, she's interested.

The problem a lot of guys face is that they have never experienced high interest from a woman. So they assume it either doesn't exist, or that she'll keep her interest hidden, or whatever.

Wrong. When a woman is truly interested it is so friggin' obvious you'd have to be blind, deaf and dead to miss it.

Here's a basic give-away sign: if a woman puts spending time with you above spending time with her friends, she's definitely interested.

Note that this test weeds out the serial daters and strokers and sunshine girls. There is *no way* any of those will put you in front of their girly girl buddies, no matter how much talking and laughing and touching they do around you. If it's a choice between time with you, and time with the friends, the friends will win.

posted 02-10-2002 02:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by WildThang:
Sure there is - if she makes excuses to spend time with you, thinks you're the funniest guy on earth, wants to help you out in big ways and small ways, she's interested.

The problem a lot of guys face is that they have never experienced high interest from a woman. So they assume it either doesn't exist, or that she'll keep her interest hidden, or whatever.

Wrong. When a woman is truly interested [b] it is so friggin' obvious you'd have to be blind, deaf and dead to miss it.

Here's a basic give-away sign: if a woman puts spending time with you above spending time with her friends, she's definitely interested.

Note that this test weeds out the serial daters and strokers and sunshine girls. There is *no way* any of those will put you in front of their girly girl buddies, no matter how much talking and laughing and touching they do around you. If it's a choice between time with you, and time with the friends, the friends will win.

But if a woman regularly blows off her friends for you - you're in. No doubt about it. If it happens once you can start to wonder. Twice and it's looking promising. Regularly - it's a done deal. [/B]

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posted 02-10-2002 11:41 PM            

An AFC will make all kinds of excuses, and believe there could be multiple reasons for occurrences, that there are multiple tactics they could have tried. They cloud their thinking with a multitude of possibilities. In your example, an AFC would let the excuses go on and on, allow himself to be given the runaround forever. A DJ says: She made an excuse? She's not interested. Move on, end of story.

Things are simple when we start opening our eyes:

Touch her.

Be confident.

Have other interests.

Make eye contact.

Don't give her control of the relationship.

If she dumps you, move on.

posted 02-11-2002 12:26 AM               

HOWEVER, I just got out of a 2 year relationship with a girl that had no idea how to act around a guy when we first started dating. She kept cancelling on me, but I knew her situation, and I gauged her interest level to be about the same as this new girl, so I kept at it. Even though we are through now (I ended it) it was the most fulfilling relationship of my life.

posted 02-11-2002 02:01 PM               

Most valuable tip I've seen in awhile.

Some DJ once use the term at the bottom for mixed signal girls, and I like it:

(Womanese):

"I'de like to but I'm really busy"
and
"Call me sometime next week"
and
"I have exams"
and
"my pet Cobra died"
and
"I'd like to, but the antichrist is pillaging my house"

ALL TRANSLATE TO:

"DANCE, PUPPET, DANCE"

posted 02-12-2002 04:13 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DuffMan:
Personally, I don't think there's any way to really know a girl's interest level.

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If she lets you put your penis in her vagina, I'd say she has high interest in you. I fvcked my girl in the backseat of my car last night, I would say she had an interest level of 99%-100% at that time, wouldn't you agree?

Jake

posted 02-19-2002 12:33 AM               

Ahhh, the sweet simplicity of the DJ principles!