posted 04-19-2002 01:31 PM            

That, my friends, is charisma. According to the dictionary, charisma is "a rare personal quality attributed to leaders who arouse fervent popular devotion and enthusiasm." Obviously, this is a very desirable trait for a true Don Juan to have. The thing is, a lot of people seem to be under the impression that charisma is just a genetic trait, a quality you're either born with or you're not. Truly, some people are naturally charismatic and charming. But there is no reason that you cannot "learn" to be charismatic.

Here are several tips to help boost your charisma:

Be Confident. Confidence is key in almost everything concerning DJs, and this is no exception. In order to be charismatic, people need to feel comfortable with you. And in order for people to feel comfortable with you, you have be comfortable with yourself. You should walk with a confident stride, make eye contact, and carry your head high.

Smile. This tip is not only extremely important, it's also incredibly simple. Smiling tells other people that you're happy and that you accept them. People are more drawn to those who are happy, and they desperately want to be accepted. Smiling is also a show of confidence, and most people look more attractive when they are smiling.

Limit Negativity. Ever been around a severely negative, depressed person? They're no fun at all. All they do is complain, and try to drag others into the horrible gloom that they feel is their life. People respond by staying away. A negative person is the opposite of a charismatic person. Besides, when you complain, nobody really cares about your problems anyway.

Accept Others. One of the best ways to get a person to like you is to let them know that you like them. I'm not talking about romantic situations (don't tell that girl that she is your moon and stars), I'm talking about just regular people in general. Guys and girls. Whenever you hear that someone things you're a cool person, you're more likely to think the same of them. When you include other people in activities, bring them into conversations, ask their opinions, and are honestly complimentary toward them, you will be seen as charming and charismatic. Being respectful is one of the first and best paths to being respected.

Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously. Be prepared to laugh. Be prepared to make others laugh. And, perhaps most importantly, be prepared to laugh at yourself. Some people will make a mistake and attempt to cover it up, become embarassed by it, or make excuses for it. A charismatic person can take an honest mistake and turn it toward their advantage by simply owning the mistake and laughing at themselves. This makes you look more down-to-earth and helps people identify more with you.

Listen and Be Listened To. When people speak, genuinely listen to them. Let them know that you are paying attention and that their thoughts and opinions are important to you. When you need to speak on a matter, make sure that your ideas are well-thought-out and include a solid gameplan. When making a decision, mention the ideas that others have brought up and give the impression that everyone's ideas were used to make the final solution. And remember: the less you talk, the more people listen when you DO speak.

A charismatic person is well-liked, well-respected, is listened to and gets the results that he wants. People will bend over backward to help a charismatic leader accomplish his goals. Become that man, and the rest will follow.

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CASANOVA

"Now when you talk with her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen. I want you to be the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet."
- Trent in "Swingers"

"Enough of this melodrama. My advice: Just one b*tch in this world. One b*tch with many faces."
- Jay, in "Chasing Amy"

posted 04-19-2002 04:36 PM            

Confidence should be at the very top of the list

Great Post.

posted 04-19-2002 04:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Don-Wan Kenobi:
Great Post.

Confidence should be at the very top of the list

Great Post.

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Noted and altered. Thanks.

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CASANOVA

"Now when you talk with her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen. I want you to be the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet."
- Trent in "Swingers"

posted 04-19-2002 05:46 PM            

It's true. The listening to other's is key IMO, really listen, and give a shyt, it'll work wonders. Speak when you have something to contribute, not b/c you are a needy loser out for attention, people will 'wonder' of you when you do this yet seem totally happy and relaxed.

posted 04-19-2002 06:39 PM            

But that element of "presence" is really above and beyond a rational approach. Greater than the sum of the parts. It's as much an *art* as a science. Perhaps more so.

For me it's inconsistent, for biochemical reasons I won't inflict on you now.

posted 04-19-2002 07:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Bonhomme:
Well stated, GC.

But that element of "presence" is really above and beyond a rational approach. Greater than the sum of the parts. It's as much an *art* as a science. Perhaps more so.

For me it's inconsistent, for biochemical reasons I won't inflict on you now.

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I totally follow what you're saying, Bonhomme, and I agree. There's a lot of things going on beneath the surface here.

Psychological studies have indicated that people smile when they are happy. No big surprise there. But psychological studies have also indicated that when a person smiles, it actually IMPROVES THEIR MOOD. As Pook would have said, "As you think, so shall you become."

As you go through the practical motions of smiling, projecting confidence and humor, being positive, et cetera, basically ACTING charismatic, you in fact BECOME charismatic. Try it for yourselves.

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CASANOVA

"Now when you talk with her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen. I want you to be the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet."
- Trent in "Swingers"

posted 04-19-2002 07:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
Have you ever been around a guy who just seemed to have this aura, this powerful energy around him that made people take notice? A guy who, whenever he spoke, seemed to have everyone's ear? A guy that you really wish that you could hate, but there's just something about him that makes you like him?

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NLP, baby! This opening causes the reader to recall a time when they felt the feeling of being around the type of person Giovanni descibes. By reawakening those feelings, Giovanni is able to create an anchor that will cause the reader to associate such feelings with reading a post of his.

Props, Gio! NLP should be discussed more around here in my opinion.

posted 04-23-2002 10:46 PM            

This is Jedi-level wisdom.

I've *done* it, and it *has* worked.

This ties right in with NLP: conditioning oneself to an *effective* attitude. It really comes together when one not only acts it, but *feels* it. Then one begins to master the *art* of being charismatic, and becomes a chick-magnet.

This kind of stuff is *especially* important for those who need the most work or have the greatest challenges facing them.

posted 04-24-2002 12:21 AM            

I can pop out the big grin anytime too, so I've more or less mastered the art of smiling.

Charasma is initially hard to achieve, but once you have it, it's easy to maintain it. Just walk around in a perpetually good mood, and Try and think of yourself as being benevolent, yet mysterious. Pook was indeed right when he said "As you think, so you shall become.'

posted 04-25-2002 12:57 AM            

I made a really conscious effort to smile more when I was out clubbing last night. Man! For such a small thing it works wonders! I haven't had so much FUN flirting with chicks in months. Now if I can just eliminate those AFC tendancies.......and grow some balls......

posted 04-25-2002 08:38 AM            

Easily your best work.

It's all true, these things will help you become a charasmatic person; the only problem is that being a person like this can bring you, not really into Nice Guy territory, but more into hmmm....how can I say this? Let's just say being a person like this can almost make you like "the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen" and much less like "the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet".

(for anyone unclear on what I'm talking about look at GC's signature.

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Smile. Eye Contact. Kino. Killer Instinct. Done Deal.

"There is much to be said for failure. It is more interesting than success." - Max Beerbohm

posted 06-29-2002 12:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Page:
I've formed the habit and trained my facial muscles so I always have a little half-smile. I've been doing it so long that it feels downright strange to have a frown. I notice it right away b/c it feels different. A little half smile radiates confidence, and it is way more inviting than a frown.

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EXCELLENT IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gotta try it.