posted 11-10-2000 01:21 AM
Very good post and right on the money!
The only person in charge of your Identity and the ways that you identify yourself is you, no one else. Even if other people attempt to frame your Identity according to their ideas about you, it is still only you have the final word on your self-image.
Think of it this way. Your Identity/Self-Identifications is simply a mental "construct" and isn't a "real" thing. It may feel real enough, but can you go to Wal-Mart and buy a new identity or go see a medical specialist for an Identiy transplant? Obviously not. So be sure to identify yourself in ways that serve you well and enhance your life.
When updating/editing your Identity it may help to adopt new identifications that are process oriented. For example the Self-Identification of "I am horrible with women" could be updated to "I am becoming better with women because I'm improving my hygiene, getting great information from internet, improving my self-image, etc." Another example would be taking the Self-Identification of "I'm a Loser" and change that to "I am capable of taking control of my life" or "I am slowly improving in all the major areas of my life and will be a winner in the near future."
The reason I would advise against updating your Identity/Self-Identification with the exact opposite of the old, unresourceful way of identifying yourself is that there may be a higher frame of reference (concept, belief, thought, etc.) that says "bull****!" when you suddenly identify yourself as a Winner, Great with Women, etc.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to "loosen up" those old unresourceful ways of identifying yourself. By the way, you use the sentence stem "I am..." to elicit your Identity/Self-Identifications. Ask yourself these questions about the negative Self-Identification:
"Does this way of identifying myself really serve me well, enhance my life, and make me a more resourceful person?"
"Do I really like this?"
"What will happen if I continue identifying myself in this way for the rest of my life? What won't happen? Do I like that?"
"Who chose this way of identifying myself? Was it me or someone else (parents, teachers, society)? Do I really want to run around with someone else's perception of me in my head?"
Here are some questions to help solidify a new way of identiying yourself:
"Do I like this way of identifying myself?"
"Will this way of identifying myself help me to be more resourceful, empowered, joyful, etc?"
"Will this way of identifying myself bring me closer to my goals? How will it do that? Would I like that?
"How much do I like the fact that I am consciously and deliberately taking control of my Identity, Self-Image and the ways that I identify myself? Could this lead to me taking control of my thinking and possibly eliminating any negative, unresourceful thought, attitude or belief from my mental-emotional space? Could this lead to me taking absolute control of my life? Would I like that?"
Repeat this process several times a day over the next few days and see what happens. Come up with additional questions to ask yourself if you like. Even if you think this total bull****, at least you will be doing something other than feeling sorry for yourself. Thanks for reading and God Bless.