posted 01-30-2001 06:01 PM
I was at a club with a friend saturday, sitting outside for a break, enjoying the cool air and a brief rest from dancing. A talkative gay man approaches and begins talking to my (female) friend and I.
It was a long conversation and this guy was a character and a half, well worth a novel unto himself...but that's not the point. I was feeling strong and confident all night and I was genuinely relaxing...even with my guard down, he finally tells me,
"I like you. You're different. I can tell by looking at you that you don't give a f*ck about anything. You're going to do what you want to do and everyone who doesn't like it can just f*ck off. I can tell because I'm the same way."
Was it a line? Who knows. Does it matter? Not in the slightest. You see, either way, he recognized my confidence and reacted to it...regardless of his intentions.
This is exactly the image I'm trying to portray. I read advice here and there about how to present your body language...look, don't look...act aloof, whatever. I just don't subscribe to this stuff.
Maybe this doesn't work for everyone, but this is how I approach this...When I see a woman I like in a club, I make sure she knows it. I watch her walk. I look at her shoes, her dress, her hair. I am obvious and unapologetic about it...but my eyes don't leer, they appreciate. She's not an object, she's a woman to be explored...and that starts with my eyes. I watch her as if I'm looking at the most beautiful creature ever and I simply appreciate that moment. If she smiles, I smile. If her boyfriend gives me a look, I ignore it. I want her to know that she's on my list. Everything I do with my body language says "I like you. If you don't like the attention, that's your problem."
But I'm the Alpha-Male and I don't go after just any woman. So she knows I'm interested, but she's wondering why I haven't approached yet. I find that this actually weeds out a lot of women because they get nervous or freaked out or whatever...but damn, I'm not interested in those women anyway. They may look good, but a LOT of women look good...and there are more than enough women willing to fight for my attention. After a decent amount of time (and a good selection of women), these girls know where I am and who I'm watching. Because I'm so obvious watching them, they become intrigued and begin watching me...and they see me watching, talking and dancing with other girls. I tend to see the same girls dancing in front of me or walking near me most of the night...it's magnetic. I want to see a parade and I expect a bit of effort on their part before I even say hello.
I'm just beginning to explore deeper contact: dancing, conversation, etc...my focus so far has been on body language.
This was probably the most arrogant approach I could come up with and that's probably the reason I'm sticking with it...Consider yourself a prize and you're only worthy of the best, right?
Does it work? Hrm...still mixed. Honestly, I'm more concerned with attitude and presentation than closing the deal at this point. I have a different approach than most, but I definitely have a plan and I've been sticking to that plan for the past month or so. My motivation is just different. For me, this is as much about personal development as it is about getting laid. That's just the bonus.
So what's the point of all this? For me, the point is that if you have an image in your head of who you want to be and you stick to it, you can be that person...you can grow this way...you can achieve this change in your personality. I can feel my personal strength growing every day...maybe slowly, but growing.
I don't want a new image...I don't want a facade. I want a new Me. That new Me has to be complete and thorough...so extreme measures are necessary. This is my approach, but I think some of these things may be useful to others. Hope it helps someone.