posted 04-22-2001 03:27 AM
How many of you DJs study this web site? I mean REALLY study it? As in, using the �search� option and researching the archives when you need advice? Well, I have...and I�ve noticed something.
There are plenty of redundant posts concerning Confidence and Technique. However, not too many folks talk about Self-Respect on this discussion board. Yet I�m convinced that it is THE issue that gets to bottom of most of our problems with women.
There are five main terms I�m going to mention that I�ve list in order of importance:
We read a lot of articles on this site and hear a lot from women about how they want a �Confident� man. �How do we show confidence?�, we post over and over again. In search of answers, many DJs end up posting various Techniques such as Layguides, NLP, SS, and various dating guidelines, all with purpose of appearing confident and in control. Other DJs feel that Techniques aren�t necessarily a sure fire way to solving your confidence problem, hence Pook�s brilliant �Be a Man!� article. I, however, believe there is room for both schools of thought.
Here�s my take on it. Confidence is a Personality trait. Anyone can fake confidence. However, we know all too well that most women can see through that. No SS pattern will work on any woman if your Self-Confidence is shallow. Pook was dead on when he implied that there�s more to Confidence than memorizing Techniques.
In his best-selling book �The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,� Stephen Covey stressed the crucial differences between Personality and Character. Covey explains that Personality is indicated by one�s communication skills, or by what a person says and does in public. Character is indicated by one�s behavior independent of any interpersonal relationships. More simply, Character is what you do when no one else is watching.
This presents a serious problem, especially for mature DJs like myself who want LTRs. If we only use Techniques to become successful with women, we run the risk of becoming men with great Personalities and social skills but with little strength of Character. On the other hand, if we have Character strength both no social skills, we�re no better off.
The best solution we have is to take time to develop a Self-Improvement program that develops both our Character and Personality. Both must coincide, be congruent and compatible in order for our Techniques to be effective.
�The very first step towards becoming a successful "Don Juan" is one of self-improvement�By focusing on a program of continual self-improvement you'll evolve into an attractor. Your strategy is always to think about, focus on, and accentuate your positive traits... but work on and eliminate your flaws.� -Allen Thompson
Allen is right. Self-Improvement is the very first step. But I can say from experience that it is also the most difficult step. The problem is that most of us place way too much emphasis on getting a girlfriend. Then we really mess up by using women as a motivating factor in improving ourselves. This by far is the biggest and most common mistake we make as DJs. As soon as we run into some setbacks, miss a workout, get used and/or rejected a few times by women, we�re quick to just give up and crawl back into our comfortable shells.
Enter SELF-RESPECT! The late great DJ Legend Adonis said it best in one of the earliest articles concerning self-respect:
�Success with women has little to do with how you act and feel about them, but have a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. What I�m talking about is SELF-RESPECT. Some of the guys who wouldn't take crap from another guy turn into down-right wimps when it comes to women. �Women are nice additions to your life, �. BUT A LIFE SPENT DOING NOTHING BUT TRYING TO GET WOMEN IS A DAMN POINTLESS ONE.� - Adonis
Yes, there is a reason to improve yourself other than to attract women. When you respect yourself, people�s insults and women�s rejections don�t phase you, because you�re not doing it for them. You are working hard to become a Don Juan because dammit you deserve it! You are doing it for YOU. Not her, YOU! You will never insult yourself. You will never reject yourself. Therefore you will always improve and won�t always back down.
And one doesn�t improve in order to get self-respect. One improves because of self-respect. Self-Respect isn�t attained or developed. It is already inside you.
You know, I used to wonder why I worked so hard to improve my appearance. � Here I am, 5�7�, skinny, will never be muscular, will never be tall, will never be what women find physically attractive. Why do I even try? I don�t have a girlfriend. I don�t have anyone special to impress.� Then I thought about it and realized that I do have someone special to impress��.
�.His name is Survivor.
That, my fellow DJs, is SELF-RESPECT.
[This message has been edited by Survivor (edited 04-22-2001).]