posted 06-08-2001 06:00 PM
While so many guys on this board go on and on about confidence, I believe that respect is just as important, and is seriously overlooked.
There are basically three types of respect:
- The respect you get from others
- The respect you give others
All of these types of respect must be earned. Give respect where respect is due, but no good can ever come of undeserved respect. (If you don;t believe me, take a good look at the current "leader of the free world".)
Self-respect is probably the most important of the three, because you should never give anyone else more respect than you have for yourself. Even this must be earned. If you have no reason to respect yourself, than you will have no self respect. Go out and improve yourself - take up a hobby, work out, volunteer in your community, do sports, improve your mind, whatever you feel you need to do to eliminate your shortcomings.
The respect which you get from others is closely tied to your self respect. Others will respect you for basically the same reasons you respect yourself, so self-improvement is even more important. Remembering that respect must be earned, don't go around treating others like sh|t. Nobody will have any respect for you, and being an ass just means that you have no self-respect and try to make up for it by pushing others around.
The respect that you give others is also very important; this will directly affect all of your personal, professional, and intimate relationships (I'll just be talking about the latter, but everything here applies to all three). Remember that this respect must also be earned.
The most important rule to live by is that you should never, ever give anyone else more respect than you have for yourself. If you have more respect for a girl than for yourself, than you are basically saying that you feel you are not worthy of her respect. Consequently, you will find yourself, like Rodney Dangerfield, to be getting no respect. If a girl doesn't respect you, she will have no qualms about using you and treating you like sh|t.
If, through no fault of your own, your girl doesn't respect you, then you should show her no respect in return. If she does something flagrantly disrespectful - e.g, talking sh|t about you to her friends, flirting with other guys in front of you, ignoring you, disrespecting you in front of your friends, cheating, etc. - you need to show her IMMEDIATELY that this kind of behavior absolutely WILL NOT be tolerated. If this necessitates dumping her sorry ass, so be it. Showing any tolerance for disrespect at all will irrevocably set the tone of your relationship in a way most decidedly detrimental to yourself, and your girl will continue to walk all over you.
The only way to have a fulfilling relationship is if you respect yourself, your girl respects you, and you return her respect in kind. Anything less is unacceptable.