posted 07-17-2001 10:47 PM
I'm tired of would be Don Juaners complaining about women. If I were to have my way, all complaining, whining, and crying would be banished to another forum, which I could ignore.
A Don Juan has no business complaining about women. Did Sir Edmund Hillary complain that Everest was too high? Did Winston Churchill complain that those Nazis were just too creepy? Did Chef Boyardee complain that pasta in a can could never be affordable, yet tasty?
I submit to you that the answer is no. There are women out there, and some guys are going home with them... every night. The blame is not women, what they want or what they say. The problem is us. When we don't get what we want from life, women or the sno-cone lady we need to look at where we failed, and what we can do better next time.
I constantly hear complaining that women don't want what they say they want. Of course they don't!
If an interesting attractive woman were to ask us what we wanted in a woman we met in a bar, how many of us would say huge chest, tight little bubbly ask, and a complete willingness to do unmentionable things to us three hours after first hello?
The answer is none of us. Ahhh... there the lament begins. How are we to know what to do? How can we solve this riddle? Are we destined to be alone and confused forever?
The answer, however, is there to be discovered. Our question is answered every single time we turn on the TV... it is answered every time we go outside... it is answered every time things don't go as we expected they should have gone.
The answer is simple. We must look not at what women say they want, but rather at what women act like they want. Nowhere do actions speak louder than words more aggresively than with the opposite sex.
In his first attempt to get a girl to like him, a boy will usually go out of his way to be nice. He will do everything he can to convince her that he is the sweetest thing around and she should love him.
This often fails. The nice boy looks around and becomes angry at the world. He is jealous of others that have better luck with women and he becomes tired of hearing about women letting jerks have their way with them, and then complaining to the "nice guy"
After enough disappointment the "nice guy"'s disgust boils up within him. He resolves to become one of those "jerks". Indeed, he has more success than before. He acts more confident and as a result has more women.
Many never leave this phase of development. However, if the jerk can calm down... if the nice guy within him could take a breath and calmly evaluate the situation he can become more. He can become a Don Juan.
Indeed, the original "nice guy" was not really mad at women. He was mad at his lack of understanding of women. Had he calmed down and looked at the actions of the women... not the words... he could have saved himself much more agony.
Repeatedly, the one personality type that women are drawn to is the hero. The hero has the kindness of the nice guy, with the confidence of a jerk. Romance novels have example after example. Indeed, the one character that time and time again women give as a "fantasy man" is James Bond.
James Bond is a very nice guy. He is on the side of right, he is kind and exemplifies goodness.
What he is not is a puppy dog, he is not a coward, he will not be controlled by a woman, and he would never put up with silly games.
He is strong, the confidence of a jerk, without the emotional baggage. If a woman didn't return Bond's calls, wouldn't go to bed with him, tried to kill him, etc... Bond doesn't get upset.
He doesn't get upset because he doesn't need to. He knows that whatever he wants is right there for him around the turn. Indeed, frequently the women don't sleep with Bond right away. Its Bond's deep confidence (not shaken by a woman's rejection) that women find sexy.
Incidentally, it seems to me that most successful Don Juan's have had experiences where a women said NO... and the DJ's calm, detatched acceptance of it lead to encounters later.
Indeed, a jerk is usually a nice guy lashing out. There is no reason to be angry at a woman for being what she is. Evolution has programmed her to be turned on by certain things. The choice is clear... curse evolution, or learn what works and love life.
Biologically, women love strength. Strength comes in many forms, and most of it turns women on. Strong lean upper bodies turn women on...
Emotional strength turns women on as well... if you are constantly complaining about women... or claiming to be a "nice guy" women won't view you as a potential partner. Women need someone they can lean on... You can't win love with pity.
Women are less visually turned on than men and more turned on by social context... In one study women were shown pictures of men both alone and with other women supposedly being tested as well, but actually in on the experiment.
When a woman thought other women found a man attractive, his stock skyrocketed... on average 3s became 6s and 5s became nines.
There are a million examples that could go on and on. Ultimately it is our choice. We can choose to learn, appreciate and use the common quirks of women to our advantage, or we can complain, whine and cry that women aren't what we think they should be.
We can cry rivers... women will still be the same. Its a blessing to the observant and a curse to the stubborn.