posted 10-07-2001 04:03 PM
Allright guys , I've heard and seen dozens of pieces of advices on how to turn a friend into a lover... "Ranging from Cut your losses and cut contact with the chick", to "hit her on the back of the head with a brick".. I've also heard guys say that it was impossible.... and she should just be used as social proof and/or pivot.. If you're not nuts over her, then do use her as social proof, because turning her into a lover is hard and long!!! Let's not make a mistake about that !!! And you best be sure that you have to understand that after all this work , you might end up not getting anything at all... But if you really believe that she is right for you, and you're incredibly in love, then I recommend you do take the steps necessary to at least give it your all before cutting your losses and abandoning this special woman..
Now , down to business with it already !!
First off , I'll try to explain the phenomena LJBF a little bit with a very important human behavior principle : HABITS
Notice how hard it is to break habits ??Especially if you've had this habit for a LONG TIME ??
It's because this habit is DEEPLY EMBEDDED in your brain, and is part of you .. It's a complex neuro pattern that requires a radical change (interrupt) to disrupt!!
For instance, if you've always had the habit of getting home after work, getting on your computer, checking your hotmail, then your news, and then after that ordering your supper, always from one of two of your favorite food places, and would go about doing this everyday of the week... for years, why would you suddenly make a change just for the heck of it ?? No reason , cause you wouldn't !! But what if suddenly you lost your job (interrupt) , then your whole pattern would be shifted... You would continue reading your hotmail and news, but at a different time of the day, and you'd probably end up not ordering in anymore because of lack of money... Your neuro pattern has changed because a radical occurence in your life !!
Now , if a girl has been friends with you for such a long time and perceives you as being her big brother, then nothing short of a radical change will make her change her mind !!
It's the same thing , believe me !! Now, why does she love you only as a friend ?? How did you fall into that pit of hell ? You acted like a friend and not an intimate lover... U listen to everything she rants about , you're always there for here, you'd give her anything, you give her advice, you listen to her advice... you don't even mind her calling you at the latest hours of the night... You bring unconditional love to her.. and you even agree to be friends with her, because you value her so much.. ****, you don't even date other women just for the sake of being with her !!!
How in the world can you even expect her to perceive you as an intimate lover ??
You give her everything she wants in a guy friend, without her having to do ANYTHING !!
It's time to change that (interrupt)
First off , this will never work if she doesn't absolutely love you as a friend!!!
Meaning this, you are a very valuable asset to her !! YOU WILL USE THIS AS A TOOL !!
I will tell you my story about this very difficult conversion, and how I came to kiss close this girl that considers me her big brother..
This girl would call me up everyday, all the time , sometimes 5-6 times a day .. Minimum twice ... She would also call me up in the morning, just to motivate herself to get up and get on with her obligations...
And this has been going on for a long while, but there was no way she would suddenly fall in love with me, and when I realized that, I knew that I had to do something about it..
This one sunday night, I wanted to get together, but she had already something planned, so I asked her to come over after, she declined, but said she would call me when she got back !!
So, I decided to not be available when she would call me, so I called this other chick, and talked to her for a very long time... Needless to say, when she called, the line was busy... And SHE REACTED !!! She left a msg on my answering machine AND on ICQ asking me WHO I WAS TALKING TO !!??? And then it hit me , god I'm too available to her !!
so , I made myself unavalaible, didn't answer the phone most of time, called up other chicks, didn't go see her in the morning when I said I would, and it got great reactions in my favor... For a whole week I did this.. and then on the weekend, we went out to a night club with a whole bunch of people for her birthday... I didn't get anything that night, barely ANY AFFECTION WHATSOEVER (Here is an indication that you have to be patient)... I was pretty discouraged, but the next day I continued with my principle.. Next day she called a couple of times , and I never answered the phone, she left msgs on ICQ , no answer from me, and then I left a msg on ICQ, telling her I had some stuff to do, that I'd be back in 30 min, and if she wanted, I would go over to her house... And then I left, came back 30 min later, and sure enough, she didn't mind me going to her place.. But then again, no affection whatsoever !!! So I leave, go home, get on ICQ, and weirdly, she proposes we go to dinner, she said it as a joke, but I took it seriously and sure enough we went.. Again, no affection !!! Nothing !! Not even a dim sign of interest (I hope you guys know what signs of interests are).. So I continued making myself unavailable, and continued talking with other chicks, setting up dates etc..
The next week though, she did not react !!!
It seemed like she sniffed me out, and decided to test me !!Even told me about a guy she was going to see the next weekend..
I presumed my change wasn't radical enough to create enough movement to disrupt her friendship pattern towards me, and boy was I so right !!
So Wednsday, on the week she would not react, I asked her, how would you feel this minute if we would go out together??
She said : "Weird and bad, because I don't have any love emotions for you"
I knew she'd say that, but you'll know why I asked her this..
Later in the conversation, I told her very nicely that it would be best if we took a week apart, without even talking to each other, because I needed a moment of reflection... She reluctantly accepted, and we hung up..
I did this wednsday .. Went a date thursday, and another on friday.. Both dates went very well
The question I asked about how would she feel about going out , was that so she'd ponder it during our time apart..
Then on saturday, she drops a msg on my ICQ, asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her wed... So I say yes... Then she asks if I'm still sure about waiting till wed. I say yes, but then I decide to test her.. I ask her if she wants to come over my place for beer and conversation.. She doesn't answer, so I tell her, allright then, see ya wed... She responds.. Asks if I want to go to this pool/bar.. I say no, my place, she agrees. I have to mention this, I tried getting her over for months, without ever she saying yes..
So there she was , at my place... I got incredible Kino the whole way, playfull fighting , getting close, touching, caressing, pinning.. I never got that kind of kino from her !!! and I kiss closed her..
So what happenned.. I stopped acting like a friend , and started acting like a boyfriend.
I interrupted her pattern, and set a new one...
Now , when you get to this point, don't think you've won the game yet... Continue being completely hard to get , unavailable, and continue dating other women !!
Continue being hardcore till the very end, when you finally enter the relationship.. And whenever if ever you enter the relationship, do not start acting like a friend again , and never make yourself completely available to her at all times, but give indications that if she works hard, she'll get you at that point.. Of course, you'll never go there.. Keep her hoping, guessing.. It'll excite and challenge her.. Keys to maintaining her interest level sky high.
I hope this will start an interesting discussion on the subject.. I know most guys go through the LJBF thing at least once in their life...