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Author Topic:   DJ Guide To Social Skills Part 2

Don Juan
posted 10-14-2001 07:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virtuoso     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Alright DJ's I'll finish up here as well, continuing on The Eight Habits Of Highly Popular People article form Psychology Today March 2000

6)Take Hold Of Your Emotions

"No one can pay attention to or correctly interpret what is going on, let alone act skillfully, without a reasonable degree of control over their own emotional states, especially negative emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety-the emotions that usually arise in situations of conflict and uncertainty."

So true, I used to talk to fine girls I used to never pay attention to what they were saying because I was so concentrated on what I'd say next. Then I'd get a little nervous and worry would come in to play. Chalk most of this up to inexperience because it was a while ago. But by taking hold of your emotions you stomp out a small flame that can turn into a greasefire if you don't check yourself. Worrying is a disease of the mind I think.

If you think prematurely that the girl will never like you, that your not worthy, or you don't have a chance that becomes a self fufilling prophecy. What that means is that whatever self image you have of yourself eventually becomes a reality because you react to what your mind tells you (my psych class helps after all ). It will show in the way you talk, your body language, in short your belief system becomes one of a loser.

I read an experiment in my social psych class that its true that people with high self esteem remember more positive information about themselves, whereas people with lower self esteem remember more negative things about themselves. Its funny, people who had high self esteem, overrated how well they did when they performed tasks. They actually thought they exceeded their expectations. People with low self esteem of course did the opposite. So if you have no prospects, no numbers, remember all the fine girls who had in the past, or even do something you do well.

If you let negative emotions interfere it will colour your thoughts. You might overreact to something a girl does to you, because you think negatively about yourself and/or your chances with her.

"Recently studies have found that people who are the most well liked also have a firm handle on their emotions. It isn't that they internalize all their negative feelings. Instead, they shift attention away from distressing stimuli toward positive aspects of the situation. In other words, they have excellent coping skills."

This goes along with the above. The main thing here is thinking positive. I read in Muscular Development magazine that guys who think more postively than others have higher testosterone! That's a perfect example of how our bodies react to our thoughts. If your in a spiral of bad thoughts, think about postive things about the situation. "Are there hotter, finer looking girls out there?" (of course there is ). "Is she someone I want to talk o ?" "I'm going to find a girl way better that her!"etc.

7)Defuse Disagreements

"As people gain social competence, they try to accommodate the needs of both parties. managing social conflict without aggression requires, listening, communicating-arguing, persuading-"

Don't be aggressive with girls it doesn't work. On the other end, don't take s**t from them either. Be assertive, that means expressing what you feel but respecting their opinion. Do it in the form of 'I' statements like, "I don't like what you did". Don't say." Your making me mad". You are responsible for your emotions, not her, and by expressing it this way you show your an strong individual. No girl (or anyone for that matter) can disrespect you unless you give them permission. Say it in a firm voice, don't yell or scream, and don't talk under your voice like youv'e seen a ghost. Stand upright, speak clearly, evenly, look her directly in the eye and make your feelings and intentions known. In short, be a man.

8)Laugh A Little

"Humour is the single most prized social skill"

"There's no recipe for creating a sense of humour. {Just)Try to see the lighter side of the situation"

If you get a girl laughing, believe me, you have got her! Trust me I know. If you don't think your that funny, try self deprecating humour. What it is simply, is making fun of yourself lighly. I've read so and tried it and girls love it. It shows that you don't take yourself too seriously. I had an old car and I told thi girl,"I'm afraid of leaving it outside on garbage day" Making all kinds of jokes. It also opens the door on teasing the girl too. Be careful doing this when you first meet a girl, because it might give off the impression that you don't think much of yourself. Also, being funny is a state of mind. Don't take life too seriously, and don't take yourself too seriously. That's the secret of being funny (if you don't think your too funny).

Also if something bad happens that's a great opportunity. As bad as it sounds, pain sometimes makes great comedy.

"Know your limits to exceed your limits"
-Aesop Rock

Eyes are the window to the soul

A winner says"It may be difficult but its possible"

A loser says,"It may be possible but its too difficult"



posted 10-15-2001 08:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CobraGT     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Great post. I hope you post here more often! You have many good things to say. If I had read that same stuff from a psychology book I would have been asleep by now. I like the joke about the garbage man picking up your car. That's humor! The same kind of humor made well know by Rodney Dangerfield.




Master Don Juan
posted 10-18-2001 04:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for JPFromTally     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Awesome post. You can tell the difference between the guys who wan't quick fix band-aid solutions to their problems and the ones who turn things into an academic passion. Trust me, it is the latter that will always succeed.



Don Juan
posted 07-07-2002 03:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Squy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

I like the humour part.



Don Juan
posted 07-08-2002 11:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Trickster_guy_2001     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you get a girl laughing, believe me, you have got her! Trust me I know.

I have yet to see this happen. I can make girls laugh. Sure. But it hasn't made any of them suddenly want my body, or be any bit more attracted to me.


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