posted 11-23-2001 06:04 AM
WORKING SHORT-TERM AND THINKING LONG-TERM
I know this is long, but all you AFC�s should print it out and read it, TWICE.
Ok, listen up. If you�re not happy with WHO YOU ARE at the moment. If you don�t thinking meeting ONE GIRL every THREE MONTHS is very impressive.
If you want to be able to chat to that girl in the MOVIE LINE, ask the cashier out on a DATE or chat up the girl at the CLUB but you feel all of these things �just aren�t you�, then YOU NEED TO CHANGE. Let me teach you what I�ve learnt this year.
I�m not going to pretend doing any of the above things come easy to me. They don�t. Not ALL of them. Not YET.
But talking to women, flirting with women, going to night clubs and actually having GIRLS INTERESTED IN ME �wasn�t quite me� a year ago.
In high school I was a nerd, the girls thought I was a walk-over. I was extremely quiet, I got bullied, I didn�t stand up for myself. I got nervous just trying to say �Hi� to a girl, I didn�t really talk to anyone. I played Quake till midnight most weekends and had never been drunk, gone to a club or done anything most �normal� high school students do.
What changed? My attitude. I started University this year, and I really WANTED to change. I started forcing myself into situations which would normally make me uncomfortable (talking to girls, participating in class discussions, etc) until they became a habit.
I�ve changed a lot, in only a year. I don�t have a girlfriend to show for it. But I�ve met more girls than I�ve ever met in my WHOLE LIFE and spoken to them all A LOT. I�ve learned a lot about girls I didn�t know before. Admittedly being in a place where there are girls EVERY WHERE makes practice a whole lot easier, but I still had to challenge my fears.
I met a great girl at the end of the year, I approached her, flirted with her AND conversed with her. All these things I would have never thought possible a year ago. I know she liked me, unfortunately it was badly timed � just before exams, a few weeks before end of year, and she is currently with someone, seeing as she�s a decent chick she�s not about to dump her BF for someone she�s just met.
She�s the best girl I met the whole year. She could be the girl that Bob gets told about in my last post (Wake up you AFC part I).
I wish I were Bob, 8 months ago. I would have done a lot of things differently, I would have taken a lot more chances coming up to the day I met her, and I would have made sure I was the �ideal catch� by the time I met her. Also, I would have JUMPED on any opportunity to meet her sooner (rather than assume I�ve got all the time in the world.) But maybe it wasn�t her, maybe there�s another lady a month from now?
What if I told you that you ARE BOB, even if you�ve just broken up with your girlfriend, or just got rejected by your latest love interest?
I believe that at ANY time in our lives, we ARE BOB, but no one can tell us about the girl we�re going to meet in 8/9/however many months. Even though I lost out on the girl I spoke about, I�m still in Bob�s position and I AM going to meet another WONDERFUL girl in the FUTURE. I don�t know when. But I want to BE READY when that girl comes around.
You probably feel that you want to IMPROVE yourself, that you want to date beautiful women, and be more confident. In order to do this, you have to stop thinking about what you WANT in the SHORT-TERM and starting FOCUSING on what you WANT in the LONG-TERM.
Work hard in the SHORT-TERM, to get what you WANT in the LONG-TERM. (Pump iron now, for the BIG MUSCLES later on).
Stop thinking about what you want NOW (that HOTTIE sitting over at the bar) and start THINKING about WHAT YOU WANT IN THE FUTURE (the girl you�re GOING to meet at the bar when you�re a STUD in 8 months time).
You have to study hard every day (short-term) even if you don�t enjoy it, so you can achieve your long-term goal of passing the EXAM and eventually getting a great CAREER.
So, don�t worry about getting a girl friend RIGHT NOW (everyone here has said that a THOUSAND times), work on improving yourself so that you can have a girlfriend in the FUTURE.
I want you to do this for me (I�m going to do it for myself): See every girl you meet (until you finally hit the BULLS-EYE) as PRACTICE.
Stop worrying about every girl you meet, what she thinks of you, etc. Just focus on improving yourself NOW so that you�re what you (and your future girlfriend) want you to be.
Chat to girls any opportunity you have, let go of any expectations you might have. Just talk and be friendly, you don�t even have to go for their numbers until you get used to speaking to them. Go through the HARD WORK of being REJECTED, feeling awkward while chatting to a HOTTIE (like you did when you were LEARNING to drive) feeling NERVOUS for your DATE, etc. Do it all now, and you won�t regret it.
Don�t EXPECT anything, just tell yourself: �I�m going to approach that gorgeous girl over there, I don�t care what happens, it�ll just make it easier when I meet the next one�.
You�ll gain so much confidence, and the rest (sense of humour, etc) will follow. You will eventually meet a girl who will LIKE you for who you have BECOME. You will be REAL, you won�t need to pretend, because you have LEARNT to be CONFIDENT and CHARMING, through PRACTICE.
Why don�t you try going out (not dating, I mean as in a relationship) with the FIRST girl you meet, you ask? What would be the point, you wanted to change, you�re not going to change much after meeting one girl. If you break up with her, you�ll not know how to meet girls, you didn�t practice enough.
The point is, if I met that HOT girl at university at the BEGINNING of the year, she would not have liked me. Period. Why? Because at the beginning of the year I was still shy, and didn�t have the qualities (which I�d developed) that I do now. She liked the NOW-me, not the OLD-me.
If you�re going after girls that expect qualities you don�t have (confidence, etc) then you�re going to have to DEVELOP those qualities through PRACTICE, so that one day you�ll have what it takes to get what you WANT.
The girls you�re going to chat up NOW might not be too impressed with you when you start PRACTICING. Because you haven�t yet got the qualities they�re looking for. That�s why their practice, that�s why you shouldn�t care.
It�s not them you want - it�s the girl 8 months from now, that�s just like them, that�s who you want! There are hundreds of girls out there suited to you! You can afford to throw a few away until you can finally keep one!
REMEMBER: WORK HARD in the SHORT-TERM to achieve your LONG-TERM goal of SUCCESS in ANY facet of your LIFE.